Clarens you were never the problem, Heejae was

Man Clarens I see those eyes, you are a fellow shipper aren’t you. Clarens was never interested in the human side of Heejae but the Maestro she saw him as which is why Clarens was never really jealous or seemed to desperately want Heejae as much as Garam. The real person who drove this conflict between Garam and Clarens was Heejae’s fear of being vulnerable with someone else and having them leave him again because Garam, unlike Clarens, cares for Heejae just like the manager did which was why Heejae didn’t fear being intimate with Clarens as he did with Garam.

Talking about the manager I agree with the commentor who says Heejae isn’t in love with him as much as the manager being a point of trauma which caused him to go on a warpath polishing a gem that could understand him. The manager silhouette Heejae sees in Garam is only there to remind Heejae that he must never let go of what he deems precious. Heejae subconsciously blames himself for what happened to the manager which is why he sees himself as a knife, someone who can only hurt and push away people. He sees people who are warm and welcoming as the light (ie manager and Garam) while himself as a shadow which is why he past students’ sound was always calming like Garam’s and Walter’s old sound. This prevents himself from seeing how much warmer he has become due to Garam and how much colder Garam is and will probably become in order to play Rachiminoff. Afterall Rachiminoff in Heejae’s words is all about ‘struggle.’ Now if only Heejae got over his abandonment issues left unresolved due to the manager’s death and finally become a kinky sadistic unc versus abusive sadistic unc in which Garam is always having to watch the emotions of and regulate (one of the traits abused victims tend to have as well as being forced to be dependent and always having to ask permission from their abuser).

Also check the author twitter to see drawings of Garam and Heejae in different aus like both of them as school boys or adult Garam meeting child Heejae (btw it seems Heejae always had those gaunt ass cheekbones, it isnt because hes middle aged). I need someone to fangirl/fanboy/fanwhomever cause none of my irl friends read this.