we could all see compton's mental breakdown and blow-up coming. there was no way the prof and garam could keep their relationship a secret forever, yet when it finally comes to light, it hits so forcefully, as if by surprise. compton's fury at garam is frightening (like a betrayal, but who betrayed whom first?), and garam's rebuttal "then play it yourself" is satisfying and vindicating...but also cruel. salt in the wound. can you even fucking play it? or are you a coward who ran away because he didn't have the talent, the love for music to stick it through?
of course it's in self-defence, and compton's being an utter ass, but when eva observes that garam has "definitely grown colder" it feels a little chilling. we think of garam as sweet, but he's sweet to the people who benefit him, and his sympathy for compton is paltry, tasting more like pity, and mostly self-serving, despite very clearly understanding how his professor has abused compton. garam's long since lost the naivety, innocence, and morality we knew of him in the beginning. is it for the better...? will this serve his music..?
god, the depths people will slink to for music (but, selfishly, beyond the purity of 'sound', they are seeking acclaim, acknowledgement, audience. what's the point of music if no one is there to listen to it, to share a connection that might be more vulnerable and intimate than sex because sex is with your body but music is with everything. with the hidden parts of you that you don't have words for that you fear other people seeing but need other people to see! even heejae needs someone to look!)
"the sight of you refusing to stop even while blood was pouring from your fingers! it left a deep impression on me!" heejae tells compton in the flashback and its a sober reminder of heejae's twisted essence, which has infused garam irreversibly, the same way garam has infused heejae. just because they're happy now, does it mean it's for the best? what other bitter wounds from heejae's past will come crawling out? (can't wait)
i'm rambling now, but i love how their artistry and search for perfection is at the heart of their toxic codependency, and how something as beautiful as a concerto can be so fucking ugly.
we could all see compton's mental breakdown and blow-up coming. there was no way the prof and garam could keep their relationship a secret forever, yet when it finally comes to light, it hits so forcefully, as if by surprise. compton's fury at garam is frightening (like a betrayal, but who betrayed whom first?), and garam's rebuttal "then play it yourself" is satisfying and vindicating...but also cruel. salt in the wound. can you even fucking play it? or are you a coward who ran away because he didn't have the talent, the love for music to stick it through?
of course it's in self-defence, and compton's being an utter ass, but when eva observes that garam has "definitely grown colder" it feels a little chilling. we think of garam as sweet, but he's sweet to the people who benefit him, and his sympathy for compton is paltry, tasting more like pity, and mostly self-serving, despite very clearly understanding how his professor has abused compton. garam's long since lost the naivety, innocence, and morality we knew of him in the beginning. is it for the better...? will this serve his music..?
god, the depths people will slink to for music (but, selfishly, beyond the purity of 'sound', they are seeking acclaim, acknowledgement, audience. what's the point of music if no one is there to listen to it, to share a connection that might be more vulnerable and intimate than sex because sex is with your body but music is with everything. with the hidden parts of you that you don't have words for that you fear other people seeing but need other people to see! even heejae needs someone to look!)
"the sight of you refusing to stop even while blood was pouring from your fingers! it left a deep impression on me!" heejae tells compton in the flashback and its a sober reminder of heejae's twisted essence, which has infused garam irreversibly, the same way garam has infused heejae. just because they're happy now, does it mean it's for the best? what other bitter wounds from heejae's past will come crawling out? (can't wait)
i'm rambling now, but i love how their artistry and search for perfection is at the heart of their toxic codependency, and how something as beautiful as a concerto can be so fucking ugly.