I fully agree with your arguments and I feel the same. Unfortunately and I don’t know why but yaoi almost always has a tragic plot with violence and SA.
Anyway ”From head to toe” has a bit of a similar vibe i think.
If you’re into fantasy yaoi I recommend the following (some may have disturbing elements I forgot, but I think these were good at least hehe) :
How to lose your virginity
I won’t get eaten
The black knight under the red curse
A crazy elf gets a dragon

Started off really interesting. I’m not a fan of the fuck or die/can’t leave the room till you bone trope but was interested enough in the world building to move past it.. I can handle throwing up (I would have long ago in this situation) and even how insanely unrealistic it is for him to have not torn open due to BL logic, but I really really dislike werewolves that look so much like dogs
Maybe its because I have a fear of dogs + a contamination/ocd thing about them (and most animals) but every time it pans to him I just eugh. He looks too much like a dog for me.
And it went from mutual dubcon to SA like the room is open now and MC is having a bad time.
If anyone read this far into my complaint can I get some recommendations for similar vibes/world building without the borderline bestiality and SA?