I was wondering what other people’s experiences of finding out they are “the save marriage/relationship” babies has been, as someone who is one myself. A couple months after I turned 13, I found out that the biggest reason for my existence and why I had been brought into this world is because my mum and biological father had been separated for about 10 months (where we live it is a legal requirement to be separated for 12 consecutive months before you can legally file for divorce), as my biological father had stated he was no longer happy being married to my mum and wanted a divorce and so they agreed to separate and see if they could work things out or not in the year before they could actually start the divorce proceedings, although at the beginning he said he wouldn’t be changing his mind even though my mum had begged him to change his mind because they already had my older sister, who was only about 2 years old at the time, and she loved him and wanted to work it out. So they separated and moved into separate places, with my older sister going in between and spending a lot of time being looked after by our grandparents and aunts, and couples therapy just didn’t work because my biological father never wanted to go and wasn’t trying to make it work. After about 7-8 months on her own, my mum realised that she could actually manage as a single parent because both her parents were still alive and healthy (still both in their early to mid 50s at the time) and they lived in the same city and were always eager to spend time with and look after their first and so far only grandchild, as was my paternal grandmother (also in her mid 50s, fit and healthy, and living in the same city), plus we lived in a great country with great welfare, and that she didn’t need to return to my biological father if she didn’t want to and had accepted it and was nearly fully ready to move on entirely and date other people, because there was a not so metaphorical line of men who were eager to date her and had actually asked her out on dates because she was only in her late 20s and was very beautiful, intelligent, and funny. My biological father came crawling back to her ironically enough, after 10 months saying he had made a mistake and he didn’t want my older sister to have the same lonely, sad childhood he had had as an only child raised by a single mother after his own father had divorced her and left when he was only 3, and he wanted to try and make their marriage work (although he staunchly refused anymore coupled therapy as a condition) and have another baby so my older sister would “have someone to play with and keep her company so she won’t be lonely” and because a baby would bring them back together as a couple. My mum unfortunately always only ever wants to see and believe in the best in everyone, no matter how many times they have hurt her in the past and how many chances she has already given him, and she wasn’t opposed to having a second child either. Thus I was created. And as a family we were happy enough for the first 5 or so years of my life until my biological father decided he once again wasn’t happy but this time moving very far away from where we lived at the time was the solution and would make him happy, so that’s exactly what happened, and the rest went to shit from there in only 7 years before they decided to separate again, thankfully this time though it was my mum who kicked him out and for good this time because his abuse had only continued to grow more and more physically violent and dangerous until it escalated to the incident when he threatened her life and she knew he had to go. Anyway, finding out they had been separated before and I was born less than a year after they got back together and they wanted to have another baby together was one of the things they wanted when they got back together, suddenly made a whole lot of my existence and the things I felt and the things I did make so much sense, because all my life until then I had felt like I had to be the glue that kept our family together, the one who acted as the go between when arguments broke out and no one was speaking to each other and majorly helped to smooth over all conflicts until they were made up again, why I felt such a deep feeling of “what even is my purpose? why am i here? why was i such a rigorously planned pregnancy when my older sister wasn’t even though there weren’t any problems with fertility?” (yes i had already known i was an extremely planned pregnancy, while my older sister was a happy accident, and that neither my mum nor biological father had any fertility problems because both my older sister and I were conceived on the first try). If you have read this far, I am very sorry that this post has dragged on for so long, I am not someone who can tell something in a short and concise way and instead must include every small detail. Please feel free to share any of your own experiences with being a save the marriage/relationship baby and whether in the end your birth and subsequent existence actually saved the marriage or relationship of the people who brought you into this world, or if you were adopted to try and save a marriage or relationship and whether that ended up working. I wish you all the best my fellow glue babies.
I was wondering what other people’s experiences of finding out they are “the save marriage/relationship” babies has been, as someone who is one myself.
A couple months after I turned 13, I found out that the biggest reason for my existence and why I had been brought into this world is because my mum and biological father had been separated for about 10 months (where we live it is a legal requirement to be separated for 12 consecutive months before you can legally file for divorce), as my biological father had stated he was no longer happy being married to my mum and wanted a divorce and so they agreed to separate and see if they could work things out or not in the year before they could actually start the divorce proceedings, although at the beginning he said he wouldn’t be changing his mind even though my mum had begged him to change his mind because they already had my older sister, who was only about 2 years old at the time, and she loved him and wanted to work it out. So they separated and moved into separate places, with my older sister going in between and spending a lot of time being looked after by our grandparents and aunts, and couples therapy just didn’t work because my biological father never wanted to go and wasn’t trying to make it work. After about 7-8 months on her own, my mum realised that she could actually manage as a single parent because both her parents were still alive and healthy (still both in their early to mid 50s at the time) and they lived in the same city and were always eager to spend time with and look after their first and so far only grandchild, as was my paternal grandmother (also in her mid 50s, fit and healthy, and living in the same city), plus we lived in a great country with great welfare, and that she didn’t need to return to my biological father if she didn’t want to and had accepted it and was nearly fully ready to move on entirely and date other people, because there was a not so metaphorical line of men who were eager to date her and had actually asked her out on dates because she was only in her late 20s and was very beautiful, intelligent, and funny. My biological father came crawling back to her ironically enough, after 10 months saying he had made a mistake and he didn’t want my older sister to have the same lonely, sad childhood he had had as an only child raised by a single mother after his own father had divorced her and left when he was only 3, and he wanted to try and make their marriage work (although he staunchly refused anymore coupled therapy as a condition) and have another baby so my older sister would “have someone to play with and keep her company so she won’t be lonely” and because a baby would bring them back together as a couple. My mum unfortunately always only ever wants to see and believe in the best in everyone, no matter how many times they have hurt her in the past and how many chances she has already given him, and she wasn’t opposed to having a second child either. Thus I was created. And as a family we were happy enough for the first 5 or so years of my life until my biological father decided he once again wasn’t happy but this time moving very far away from where we lived at the time was the solution and would make him happy, so that’s exactly what happened, and the rest went to shit from there in only 7 years before they decided to separate again, thankfully this time though it was my mum who kicked him out and for good this time because his abuse had only continued to grow more and more physically violent and dangerous until it escalated to the incident when he threatened her life and she knew he had to go.
Anyway, finding out they had been separated before and I was born less than a year after they got back together and they wanted to have another baby together was one of the things they wanted when they got back together, suddenly made a whole lot of my existence and the things I felt and the things I did make so much sense, because all my life until then I had felt like I had to be the glue that kept our family together, the one who acted as the go between when arguments broke out and no one was speaking to each other and majorly helped to smooth over all conflicts until they were made up again, why I felt such a deep feeling of “what even is my purpose? why am i here? why was i such a rigorously planned pregnancy when my older sister wasn’t even though there weren’t any problems with fertility?” (yes i had already known i was an extremely planned pregnancy, while my older sister was a happy accident, and that neither my mum nor biological father had any fertility problems because both my older sister and I were conceived on the first try).
If you have read this far, I am very sorry that this post has dragged on for so long, I am not someone who can tell something in a short and concise way and instead must include every small detail. Please feel free to share any of your own experiences with being a save the marriage/relationship baby and whether in the end your birth and subsequent existence actually saved the marriage or relationship of the people who brought you into this world, or if you were adopted to try and save a marriage or relationship and whether that ended up working. I wish you all the best my fellow glue babies.