Confused

He never said he loved Jo.

Ian came to care about him. He said his feelings for Jo were genuine. He acknowledged that if circumstances were different, he could have continued being with him. But Ian never told Jo that he loved him. He never gave Jo his heart. In fact, Ian’s own internal monologue makes it painfully clear his heart had been tied to TJ from the beginning.

If TJ had never existed, then perhaps Ian could have fallen in love with Jo. But TJ did exist. TJ had already taken root in Ian’s heart long before Jo entered the picture. Ian could care for Jo, be comforted by Jo, enjoy Jo’s affection and companionship, but he could not give Jo the part of himself that already belonged to TJ.

After TJ disappeared, Ian genuinely tried to move on. And that is precisely what his relationship with Jo was, an attempt to move on. At the campsite, Ian asked to kiss Jo because he wanted to check something. What was he checking? Whether he could finally stop thinking about TJ. And we all saw that he couldn’t.

During their cohabitation, Ian repeatedly had to convince himself that TJ no longer cared about him. That TJ was not a fool anymore. That Ian wasn’t important enough to use against TJ. Ian was trying to convince himself that his relationship with TJ was over and that he was therefore allowed to move on.

And Jo himself recognized that something was missing. Ian was always distracted. Toby noticed it too. She said Ian looked lonely even with Jo was living with him.
That is incredibly important because Ian finally got a taste of the life he’s always wanted, yet he wasn’t fully in it.

Look at the actual dynamic between them. Jo was consistently the one pursuing Ian. Jo brought him food. Jo cooked for him. Jo took him places. Jo tried to build a domestic life around him. But what did Ian actually do to demonstrate that he was equally invested in Jo? People keep saying, “Ian was so in love with Jo,” but where is that love actually demonstrated? When Ian thought about how much Jo liked flowers, did he buy him flowers? No.

When Jo first asked Ian to leave with him, what was Ian’s immediate thought? Was it, I love Jo. I want a future with Jo. I want to start a life with him? No. Ian thought he needed to stop being selfish and end things for himself, for TJ, and lastly for Jo. Even in a moment where he is supposedly choosing Jo, TJ is still occupying his mind.

Then there is the incident where Jo was targeted. Yes, Ian reacted violently when he realized Jo had been put in danger. But that doesn’t automatically prove romantic love. Ian knew he had become careless. He had repeatedly warned Jo that staying around him was dangerous because he had enemies who wanted him dead. Yet Ian allowed himself to become complacent.And Jaime exploited that weakness. Ian also understood that the surveillance wasn’t simply about Jo. It was ultimately connected to TJ. Jo was being used as a way to get to Ian to get to TJ.

Then there’s the scene where Ian acknowledges that looking at Jo makes him feel better. But in the alley scene, seeing Jo causes Ian to run away, leaving Jo behind with a dying man. His first instinct isn’t even to stay and comfort or protect Jo. And then what happens? Ian tries to end the relationship again. He tells Jo that he’s done pretending. It’s over now. And once again, Jo is the one making the declaration that he is willing to give everything up for Ian. Where is Ian’s equivalent declaration? There isn’t one.

Instead, Ian’s guilt becomes overwhelming. He reaches a point where he thinks burning to death would be good so he wouldn’t have to worry about tomorrow ever coming. When someone finally has the person they genuinely want and sees a future with them, that relationship should give them something to live for.


Then Ian is reunited with TJ. And suddenly, the story makes his choice unmistakable. Ian proposes that he and TJ run away together and start over. He admits that he was afraid TJ would eventually marry a woman, have a family, and leave him behind. That fear reveals exactly where Ian’s heart has always been.

Then Jo comes to find Ian and suggests that they run away together. what does Ian do? He insists on going back home to retrieve his couple jewelry with TJ. Think about how significant that is. Ian is supposedly being offered the opportunity to abandon everything and begin a new life with Jo. Yet before he can do that, he needs to go back for his memories and mementos with TJ. He cannot start a new life with Jo without taking the remnants of his life with TJ with him.

Then Ian goes to Big Teddy knowing full well that it is essentially a suicide mission. He understands the danger. He knows he may not come back. And why is he willing to walk into the tiger’s den? To clear TJ’s name and protect him. Even when Ian believes he may die, his priority is still TJ, not Jo.

Then we see Ian moving out of his apartment. He still goes to look for his couple jewelry with every intention of taking them with him, but they’re gone. He walks away defeated because he can’t even hold onto his precious mementos.

When jaime tried to kill TJ, Ian doesn’t hesitate to put himself between TJ and a bullet. So when people tell me, “Ian was in love with Jo,” I have to ask: Where? Where is Ian’s declaration of love? Where is his desire to build a future specifically with Jo? Where is his equal pursuit of Jo? Where is his willingness to choose Jo over TJ? I don’t see it.

Jo gave him warmth, attention, domesticity, and someone to come home to. Ian genuinely cared about him. But caring about someone does not automatically mean they have your heart. Jo was available when TJ wasn’t. Ian tried to make himself move on. He tried to convince himself that TJ no longer cared about him. He tried to see whether he could stop thinking about TJ. He tried to make a relationship with Jo work. And he couldn’t.

And Jo admits this. He said he knew it was going to end with Ian, but he didn’t want to stop. If Jo actually felt Ian’s love, that Ian actively chose him, why would he know it was all going to end. Why did he ask if ian was going back to TJ? Jo always knew Ian didn’t feel the same way about him. Jo knew he only had TJ in his heart. A person assured of Ian’s love for him wouldn’t have to ask if Ian ever loved him. He should’ve felt it. But what he felt was their impending doom. That should tell you everything about their “relationship,” and how Ian felt about Jo.

This is how I see it, Ian was never gonna chose Jo because he demonstrate multiple times that he is choosing TJ but due to their lack of communication or basically no communication at all their decision didn't aligned.


I feel like people get really offended by the idea that people can and do feel do love for others because when they think about love immediately it goes to true love and there should only be one. I think that should only be apply to Irl because we are actual human being and aren't drawing with a decided end so upholding that standard is fine. However when it comes to literature, I think that story should be able to explore those emotion because realistically it do exist.

Like you meet people, you date them, you hold hand, you kissed, you say"I love you" to each other and sometimes those relationship don't work out because of maybe long distance for example, are those affection you gave each other at that time were all fake? NO.

In my perspective, I think that when reading that chapter ,we really can't hold any irl standard especially in irl dating scene in which we says stuff like if you already love someone you would blah blah blah because realistically human can and do hold affection for multiple people but it just varies or those love/affection are build or shape fundamentally differently from one another.

So when Jo asked Ian if there was even for a moment that Ian love him. Ian said "yes I did." Because it wasn't a lie. He did love Jo. He felt attracted to Jo even if part of it was cus he reminded him of younger TJ. It's still attraction, fondness and a form of love. So Ian did love Jo but it fundamentally different from the love he feels for TJ. He also knows that Jo is what he should want so if he could continue to love him he would but he couldn't cus he ultimately love someone else. Because his feelings for someone else are still there, and he can't make himself love Jo not only because for
1.He still loves TJ
and
2. Idk how you interpret Ian saying he was glad to not wrote he would come back on the note when he left Jo and him calling himself the worst but to me it was apprent that he realized that in their self-destructiveness he was trying to run away from feeling hurt and his unresolved feeling for TJ and test his wretched fate with jo when he still had feeling for TJ. So he called himself the worst cus he was finna run away from his feelings and possibly dragging Jo down as seen in how his past gang lifestyle cause him to feel anxious and killed someone while Jo self destructively went after him without a care that he could be implicated and his relatives could get involved in this conflict.

Immediately after their sex, he confront TJ and want them both ot leave the organization. He tell TJ about what he wants, talk about his insecurities and confront TJ actions and TJ also in that convo had to said his insecurities. Both of them had a wake up call. Ian wanted TJ to go with him after realizing that he loves TJ while TJ finally snap back and found the first reason why he has done all this for example like joining the organization, accumulating power and money. It was all because of Ian. He did it so he could protect Ian after seeing Ian being hurt by those with power and privilege.


So Jo and Ian come from very different. He do care and "loved" Jo. That wasn't a lie because what they had was still a form of love.

The thing is the choice wasn't just on Ian to make in choosing between the Mls. Ian shown throughout the story that he had and do picked TJ and if TJ hadn't picked Ian and leave the organization than Jo wouldn't have won either. Ultimately TJ did leave so their decision finally aligned. They both are picking each other at the same time.


That probably why I honestly find this story well written in it's own way because all characters had agency including Jo and made choices both selfish and selfless because of their feelings.

When Jo cried, saying that he wanted to run to Ian and hold him in a tight embrace one last time, he saw that Ian was about to look back at him and told him not to. Ian turning back to look at Jo wasn't an indication that his feelings for TJ were invalid or that he secretly wanted Jo instead. It was a moment where Jo wanted Ian to do what he wanted despite knowing it would hurt him, because if Ian turned back, Jo wouldn't be able to stop himself from running to embrace him. And since Ian does care about Jo, seeing Jo like that would only make Ian feel more guilty about hurting him.

Jo made the decision to let Ian go because he loves him. His decision to let go of Ian is an expression of love, while Ian turning back was also a form of affection because he genuinely cares about Jo. Neither action has to invalidate the other feelings involved.

And TJ's love is expressed differently again. His love for Ian has been tied to what he saw and what he believe could give Ian protection, and providing them both with security, from accumulating power to protecting him to eventually being willing to let him go when he believed that was what Ian needed. When Ian finally tells TJ what he actually wants, TJ chooses Ian for himself and leaves the organization to go after. Ian love for for TJ made him sacrifice his own mental health to stay by TJ side eventho it was hurting him to see TJ with other people, to be in a violence environment that was making him feel numb..to pretending that TJ didn't come to confessed and shutting down TJ trying to confessed how although he didn't intended to hurt Ian he still did. To Ian leaving because he convinced himself to move on so that it would be good for him and Tj. For TJ to be able to move on and maybe even build a family with someone and thrive in the organization.To Ian choosing to try to get involved in the organization conflict on Jason funeral because he didn't want TJ to fight alone.

That's the point: love can come in many different forms. People can genuinely love and care for each other without those feelings all looking the same or carrying the same emotional weight. Ian caring about Jo doesn't negate his love for TJ, just as Jo letting Ian go doesn't mean he suddenly stopped loving him.