I would personally run over Soojung with my car. Good thing I can't drive or she'd need to watch out when crossing the street.
But for real now, I think Sara needs to keep pushing. It's annoying. It will cause conflict. But it is needed imo. It's my personal opinion that for a romantic relationship to workout between people who have trauma that still affects their everyday life, such as Sara's sleeping troubles because of what happened to her family and Soojung's issues with intimacy because of whatever her mom did (we still don't know), both parties need to be transparent about the causes. You can't expect someone else to just take the side effects of your trauma response without knowing what caused it. That's just... idk an excuse to lash out on the partner and avoid communication (as in explaining your reactions) and they just need to accept because "it's trauma and it's MY trauma not yours"? There is a fine line between that and becoming a toxic lover to the other party, no matter how receptive they are to you.
Also I think if two people are in a romantic relationship and only one is open about things that hurt them, it means they will have trouble sharing good and bad times going forward. If you have to be so secretive about your past when the other party isn't, do you really think you can face a future in which you will never hide anything? Of course, in some cases going to therapy (seeking a professional who knows how to calm people down with really bad stuff) or thinking a lot about it with yourself before telling the other person is needed because the response to trauma may be too much, specially if your partner has their own stuff going on as it's with Sara's case, but never telling them is just... idk it's a recipe for a lacking relationship. To know one another inside and out is too much to ask for a long lasting romantic relationship? To accept someone's "faults" is to understand why they exist, and to understand why they exist, knowing bits about their past is important if it's something so important.
I relate heavily to soojung. Sometimes when youre rhat traumatized, it’s easier to help others than help yourself. When the reasons why you were traumatized are out of your control, and you did all you could to get out of it and it was still useless, helping others becomes a way to cope. It is very white knight, and is very unhealthy.
She also probably doesn’t know how to properly communicate, especially with soemone she loves. She loved her mother once, and the mother’s actions slowly killed that parental figure until all you have left is someone you share blood witj. Someone who you know you should care about, and should be reliable, but isnt at all. It’s like watching youre parents die in real time and growing distant to them, all while feeling the obligation as a child to maintain some sort of relationship. It’s exhausting and draining. All your good memories start to fade or sour, and all you learn from your “role models” is what not to do.
Also given that her mother said to her that no one would love her (or something along those lines), and she grew up thinking she would never fall in love, she’s very closed off. In addition, because her mother had so many other issues while soojung was growing up, soojung probably felt like she couldn’t go to her to talk. Especially since she was the one comforting her crying mom. I’m thinking there’s probably some type of huge trauma where soojung might have asked her mom for help, and got brushed off too. It was sort of hinted at in this chapter, but idk what it is.
Not wanting to address her mental state is most likely a survival response to her environment. It’s difficult to break out of those molds, especially since it’s all you knew for your entire life. This is the first time where thay state was challenged; where people wanted her to share. It’s a wildly uncomfortable to experience. For example, for me personally, things like that trigger a physical crying reponse, even if I don’t feel sad. For soojung, I guess it’s to lash out.
This is all to say, soojung is in the process of challenging her regular reactions tk things. She can either not change and break up, or she will open up and share with sara. When you’ve been alone for so long, letting someone ib feels dangerous. Because that means you have someone who can hurt you, and someone to lose. It’s a high risk high reward type decision.
(Personal note: while I relate to soojung, I will never date that shi terrifies me, but I have thought about what would happen if I did decide to date. And no man/woman is worth alldat ngl)
I relate heavily to soojung. Sometimes when youre rhat traumatized, it’s easier to help others than help yourself. When the reasons why you were traumatized are out of your control, and you did all you could to get out of it and it was still useless, helping others becomes a way to cope. It is very white knight, and is very unhealthy.
She also probably doesn’t know how to properly communicate, especially with soemone she loves. She loved her mother once, and the mother’s actions slowly killed that parental figure until all you have left is someone you share blood witj. Someone who you know you should care about, and should be reliable, but isnt at all. It’s like watching youre parents die in real time and growing distant to them, all while feeling the obligation as a child to maintain some sort of relationship. It’s exhausting and draining. All your good memories start to fade or sour, and all you learn from your “role models” is what not to do.
Also given that her mother said to her that no one would love her (or something along those lines), and she grew up thinking she would never fall in love, she’s very closed off. In addition, because her mother had so many other issues while soojung was growing up, soojung probably felt like she couldn’t go to her to talk. Especially since she was the one comforting her crying mom. I’m thinking there’s probably some type of huge trauma where soojung might have asked her mom for help, and got brushed off too. It was sort of hinted at in this chapter, but idk what it is.
Not wanting to address her mental state is most likely a survival response to her environment. It’s difficult to break out of those molds, especially since it’s all you knew for your entire life. This is the first time where thay state was challenged; where people wanted her to share. It’s a wildly uncomfortable to experience. For example, for me personally, things like that trigger a physical crying reponse, even if I don’t feel sad. For soojung, I guess it’s to lash out.
This is all to say, soojung is in the process of challenging her regular reactions tk things. She can either not change and break up, or she will open up and share with sara. When you’ve been alone for so long, letting someone ib feels dangerous. Because that means you have someone who can hurt you, and someone to lose. It’s a high risk high reward type decision.
(Personal note: while I relate to soojung, I will never date that shi terrifies me, but I have thought about what would happen if I did decide to date. And no man/woman is worth alldat ngl)
Back in the beginning of the story, Soojung was the one to push Sara to talk to her, to be honest about what she was feeling and thinking, and acted as if she was ready to take whatever Sara might throw at her. But now she says her issues with her mom are HER problem and yelling at Sara?? I'm sorry but no. What's the dynamic she's expecting of this relationship? Sara talks and has to be transparent about happy and bad times and Soojung just listens and acts as if she can help/save her but when she's in crisis they have to gloss it over and act as if anything happened?
I understand there's probably a big trauma behind this negative reaction, but wasn't Sara's also a BIG trauma? Although, it is true Sara behaved poorly because of it, so maybe Sara will help Soojung to come to terms with her and her mom's past. She perhaps is the one person that can understand her the most because she's been through that. However I don't know how mentally strong Sara is at the moment, so I have my doubts if she'll stick and persist or have an emotional relapse.
Returning to Soojung. I understand her, and at the same time she's really irritating me. It seems she's not thinking about how to properly have a healthy relationship with Sara. She's so lost. She's troubled, and is avoiding everything because she doesn't know how to deal with anything.
I don't mean to come across as someone that thinks mentally troubled people are not deserving of love; my issue is communication and the lack of one's own recognition of metal state, and additionally, the fact that she acted "righteous" as if she knew how to handle things but this is her stance when she is the one that needs help. Unintentionally, she's acting as if she's doing Sara a favor.
What do you guys think/would do?