There’s a lot of detail in Ilay’s words [Analysis]

There’re many details in Ilay’s words. That guy has actually been desperate the whole time. Btw, Ilay even nodded too. I think people might have missed a lot of details. Let me explain.

Wanna make it fully clear that I'm not going to justify anything; I'm just explaining details.
[There will be details from the novel(already released chapters in Manhwa), and there are no spoilers u have to worry about.]
• [Ilay’s words]
When Ilay said: “Because, this time, I really did intend to kill you completely…swallowing you whole so you could never escape from me ever again." (Though the novel put it a bit differently, it doesn’t differ much.)

In the novel, Tae described it as: ‘Ilay showed no sign of regret or remorse for those thoughts. He could truly, without hesitation, do it with a calm expression whenever he felt like it.’ Tae was hesitating: ‘Is this really okay?’ Then Ilay said:
“So, there won’t be a third time. On the third time, I really will kill you. So don't do it… Please."

Actually, all the things he said above weren’t supposed to be a threat. 1/ The first few sentences (kill/eat) were supposed to reflect the intensity of his inhumane side at the time. What Ilay wanted to say was that he was really struggling to hold back his inhumanity using his humanity for Tae this time.

By ‘This time’ he was referring to how hard it was to control his urges( inhumane side) to kill and that the ‘2nd runaway’ was more serious than the ‘1st’ time. The 1st time was bearable and he was quickly able to let go of the thought of killing since he thought Tae left him bc Tae ‘HATED HIM’, but the 2nd time was the hardest to control since he thought Tae left him by deceiving him saying: “Maybe, I liked you?” and broke his promise after Ilay risked everything fully trusting Tae’s words.

His inhumane side was probably like this: “The 1st time was because ‘u hated me’! I understood that, BUT this time, I went and risked everything bc u said ‘you liked me’! But u were just deceiving me to run to Xinlu?”
Hence, his inhumanity was harder to control.

2/ The next sentences (begging) actually referred to how little confidence he felt about keeping his inhumanity in control again. He actually tried really hard to stop his urge to kill Tae the whole time(I’ll explain), but it’s also extremely hard to battle his inhumanity when he’s so angry about being deceived and used. Even so, when he met Tae for real, a part of Ilay couldn't and didn't want to kill Tae, so he tried his best to stop the urges.

•[Minor spoiler: Ilay’s Colleague POV]
After Ilay fell off his bike, Ilay’s colleague said Ilay kept fiddling with his gloves for a long time then shoved them into the hardest-to-reach corner of his bag. It shows how Ilay knew how furious he was and knew that he might lose control & regret it, so he tried to purposely make it harder for himself to kill Tae. My theory during my last post was that he also used his gloves to shove in Tae’s mouth, serving as friction to stop himself from reaching for his gloves to kill Tae as he also didn’t want Tae to deceive him again. (Explained in depth in the last post: Part 2)

3/Therefore, Ilay who thought Tae ‘didn’t like him back’ and thought Tae would run again begged Tae not to run away again bc he knew he wouldn't be able to control himself again. The side of Ilay that held affection for Tae desperately doesn’t want that to happen at all. Honestly, seeing his face, u can barely tell that he’s desperate since he’s so good at controlling his expression. Ilay didn't even mean to beg, but his desperation came out eventually at the end.

If Ilay knew how to express himself better, he would say this: “ Tae, I almost wanted to kill and devour you…I srly almost did that to you…I couldn’t control my anger…” “I barely managed to hold myself back from doing such a thing to you.” “I don’t want to do that to you…I know you don't like me back but please don't run away again… don’t make me do it. I really might kill you next time; I don’t think I can control myself the third time…Please.” (But that won't be Ilay.)
•[Extra: Tae’s reaction]
Just so you know, in the novel, Tae said he was fully aware that it (‘please’)would be mundane for everyone else, but he couldn’t help but laugh. (If you know Ilay…then yeah. When I first read it, I was like: “‘Please’??? Did I read that wrong?”)
•[Theory on Ilay’s reaction to the truth]
Tae then told Ilay the truth seeing how desperate Ilay seemed (I’ll explain more soon). As soon as Tae said it, he said he felt a faint surge of frustration and anger again, but… “Whatever, let’s just let it go.” (I’ll explain this one in another post; don’t get mad at Tae.)

U may think Ilay's expression was somewhat not extreme but, in the novel, Tae described Ilay’s reaction as:
“His expression was extremely peculiar. It was as if he had heard something utterly bizarre. He looked at Tae with a face that was hard to describe. As Ilay’s strange gaze bore down on him.”

Ilay is the type who barely has an extreme reaction; that face was him being ‘shocked’. The artist portrayed his expression perfectly according to his character. Tae added “I'm not lying.” bc he thought Ilay didn’t believe him. That small text next to his shocked face translated to “nodded” (Tho, Tae said it was very subtle). Tae then said: “Maybe Ilay already knew he wasn’t lying & was shocked or Ilay was thinking about sth else.”
• [Theory on the call’s confession]
U know why Ilay easily believed Tae’s truth? Ilay is actually extremely good at distinguishing lies from the truth from Tae’s tone alone. Also! Remember the call? When Ilay heard Tae’s confession, he likely knew from Tae’s voice alone that Tae wasn’t forcing it (or lying) or being sarcastic like usual, and that Tae was being genuine. Tae’s original intention was to confirm Ilay’s feelings and tell him his own feelings, but Tae said he never actually confessed and said Ilay interpreted it as a confession. BUT Ilay still knew what Tae wanted to say even if Tae said it quite differently than what Tae intended. That’s why Ilay interpreted it as a confession bc he could tell.

Even now Ilay knew Tae wasn’t lying. But now that he knows the truth, he probably thought back about the call and how he was correct about it being genuine. He also realized he wasn’t being deceived by Tae. He was silent for a while still processing everything, but there’s probably more to his thoughts. (Let me explain.)

• “What does Ilay mean by ’As much as I staked for you’?”
After being quiet for a while, Ilay suddenly said:
"As much as I put up (staked) for you.” "The amount I risked for you. Just give me that much in return."

U may see that he’s calm and collected while bringing up the debt, but while he was silent, he ‘probably’ thought about the shyt he did to Tae after hearing the truth, and he might have thought that Tae wouldn’t want to be with him anymore. I think he likely panicked inside (I’ll explain soon) then he looked up at Tae suddenly, then said “As much as I put up for you.” Ilay suddenly brought up the promise that Tae was supposed to make up for.
At the time, I thought, why didn’t he ask about Tae’s feelings first eps after hearing the truth? Why bring up the debt? Normally one would ask “U didn’t deceive me? Or “So you actually like me?” (The call confession). (I’ll explain this soon)

In the novel, Tae specifically said Ilay’s voice sounded calm and casual while bringing up the debt. He was likely trying to sound demanding like usual without seeming desperate, so that Tae wouldn’t refuse to pay him back and stay with him. Why did I think he was desperate? Let me explain.
Bc after Ilay said that, Tae asked him back:
"…That amount you're talking about, it’s not too big, right?"
In the manhwa, most can’t really tell from his smile after Tae asked that, but the novel specifically described:
‘At Tae’s word, a deep smile spread across Ilay's face. It was a thick, broad smile, as if he might ‘burst out laughing’ at any moment.’

I definitely think he was panicking bc Ilay’s calm, nonchalant face ‘suddenly’ lit up and smiled so wide realizing that Tae would stay by his side. (Equals to ‘repaying him’) If Tae didn’t want to repay, Tae would say: “Then what about what u did to me?” But Tae’s a responsible person, so he asked ‘how big the debt was’ to pay it back.

Tae’s question, to Ilay, confirmed that Tae intended to repay Ilay back and not ditch him. And that’s exactly what Ilay wanted. (Want Tae to stay) That’s the most reasonable conclusion I can come up with to explain why Ilay’s face suddenly lit up.
(Rick, don't you think the first thing to say is to apologize?? What’s with the ‘holding his debt against him to prevent him from leaving me’ response? That mf)
• “Why did Ilay give him a ‘strange look’?”
+Tae then said: "You must have lost so much (a lot) because of me."
The look he gave Tae at the end was supposed to be a ‘strange look’. In the novel, it said that Ilay had a strange look on his face for just a moment. Ilay then muttered ‘faintly’ almost to himself:
“Yeah, just give me that much. ...It might be a bit ‘overwhelming’ for you, but I’ll accept it anyway.”
•“What did he mean by ‘overwhelming’?”
Although Ilay was happy that Tae would be by his side, Ilay thought about how Tae said “So much/ A lot” when referring to what Ilay lost (Tae’s debt). Ilay probably thought that Tae was burdened by the sheer amount of it. I think he felt guilty about it being a debt relationship, but at the same time, he doesn’t want Tae to leave him. And it’s not like he can demand Tae to like him after what he did to Tae either. Ilay likely meant that being with him is HARD and it’s especially UNDESIRABLE after what he did to Tae, so that’s why he said “It’s a bit overwhelming.” It’s less about what Ilay lost, more about the difficulty of staying with him. (repaying him by staying with him)

Remember how I said I was curious why he never asked to confirm Tae’s feelings again? It’s probably bc he was conflicted about Tae’s feelings eps after what he did. And he’s not confident enough to ask Tae either. Ilay thought Tae might have changed Tae’s feelings for him. If it means that Tae will be with him, Ilay would rather accept it as a debt-repayment relationship than an actual two-way affectionate one. (Tae actually does like him; Ilay just doesn’t ask bc he’s afraid so instead accepted it as is. Hence Ilay said “I’ll accept it anyway.”

•[Minor Spoiler alert: u can skip this part if u want]
Ilay actually continued to believe Tae never really liked him even after YEARS (approx. 5y) of living together until they accidentally cleared the misunderstanding. He thought Tae stayed with him as a repayment, accepted it, and was so confused when Tae said he liked him. Tae actually says ‘I like you’ every time they do it but Ilay thought it was just what people often say during intercourse. He didn’t know Tae liked him all this time. Bro was so happy like VERY! He kept asking “REALLY? U LIKE ME??? oh…”
• [Correction]
The last name part was supposed to be “I’ll change my last name!” Likely referring to changing his name and run away again. But Ilay responded with “Taeui Riegrow”. (A spoiler to their future wedding anniversary, I see…)
[Conclusion]
Keep in mind, I might not be all correct. And u may not understand some parts I mentioned, so I suggest u go to my profile to read my past analysis.