Well if yaoi bdsm is what we’re talking about most of the mangas out there are most likely sterotypjcal and abusive. BDSM in the name itself is about asserting dominance and sonetimes together with bondage. I know there are some bdsm where the dom also cares about the sub. But for now, I can’t find any (except probably the second couple in BJ Alex, bu you can find a lot more in the tag:
http://mangago.me/tag/bdsm
If you don’t mind it bring plot heavy then read Blood Bank http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/blood_bank/?av=1 (seriously one of my favorites of all time)
http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/momentum_park_ji_yeon/?av=1 The therapist and trainer stories are good bdsm, therapist is one of my favorites of all time. This one is a collection of different storylines which some connect together. Therapist starts on chapter 26 and Trainer is the story right after that one chapter 35
http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/ai_subeki_sadist/
http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/sm_gokko/
http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/motto_musunde_aite_waya/ (More of comedy if I remember correctly but a fun read)
Lol where's blood bonk?

Pls recommend me a realistic BDSM story or at least without all the myths of being abusive