im still going through a similar trauma. i don't think i'll ever truly love again any time soon, but i know i've gotten better and i'm getting closer. take some time to yourself. go out to places, go shopping, go out to breakfast. if you can't take yourself, go with a close friend or family member like your mom. write or draw vent if you cant express it with words, understand that healing is a long process and it's not instant, but realize that time heals all wounds and it will get better eventually. stay healthy even if you mental state leads you to neglecting yourself. make sure to eat right and drink water, and maintain your hygiene so you feel at least physically good. make sure you have healthy coping mechanisms and don't do anything that could make your mental state worse. create fun memories with your friends that make you cherish them more and therefore learning to trust again. it's a slow process, but you just have to take care of yourself and treat yourself right and let time guide you. you will be okay. you will love and trust again someday. people in your life will be there for you and there to help you and it's okay to tell them what's going on.
PTSD can sometimes cause a chemical reaction that causes you to have other mental disorders. What you’re describing sounds like ROCD (relationship OCD). I recommend on going onto Reddit, r/OCD , and describing what you just said here. There are a lot of people who deal with similar issues, and it’s a very helpful community. I use it as a resource, too.
My family is actually a major reason for my trauma and they think that if you need a therapist that you're probs crazy. I want to heal so bad but the sucky part is that, like you said, it'll take time. I guess I just have to be patient and hope for the best. Treating myself right is probably the most difficult part but I want to at least try and put in the minimum effort.
I hope you'll be able to love again, maybe not today or tomorrow or in the next few years but I have faith that you'll be able to love again. And also be loved with a greater magnitude. Fear is really what leads us by the noses nowadays.
Reddit? I've never been on it before. I think I'll try it! Thank you so much!
Long story short, sit down...take a breather or two...n tell ur story from start to finish, share it to someone u know will not judge u, discriminate u, or even not believe in u...and once your done telling your story and calming down a little bit more, you’ll feel like a haven weight is off of ur shoulders, trust me when I say this...
I recently realized that I have a deep trauma that has literally made me afraid to get into any sort of relationship without questioning them constantly, trusting them or even wanting to meet and make new friends. I'm even starting to push my friends away. I've been using music for so long but it feels like its not working anymore.
Anyway, please share some ways on how y'all got over or at least were able to cope with your trauma better. (I'm scared of going to a therapist cuz my fam doesn't believe in them and I would be in a lot of trouble if I went to one.)