TW // mentions of grooming , CSA , CSA PTSD , shota/lolicon
so this isn't the first time I've been concerned about this or expressed an opinion on it (though usually on twitter) but I'm sure a lot of you will agree that there is an overwhelming (in the sense that there is more then i expected, not that it's taking over genres) amount of child/teen...... 4 reply
honestly (as a gay trans masc) i think we deserve more good 'bad lgbt+ people' stories. its important to see people who do bad things and then get consequences for what they've done, in my opinion. and im tired of seeing women writing gore/mlm fetish porn 1 reply
As a gay man I can tell you that's it's usually pretty obvious when someone is fetishizing. I don't usually have a problem with people of any gender reading gay material so long as it's not done with the desire to fulfil a sexual/romantic fantasy.
However, yaoi is made primarily for women by women which IS a problem. Women (even gay) do not know a...... 1 reply
Well, let's start off easy: fetishizing LGBT+ people and their experiences in any media form(fictional/non-fictional) is disgusting and extremely harmful to real people. It warps the perspective of those outside the minority group about the experiences someone may have.
As someone who is a gay man, BL/yaoi has been a very powerful tool in helping ...... 2 reply
if i have to see one more woman referring to a mans asshole as a boyhole or boypussy simply because he is in a gay relationship, i am going to lose my mind. like please just hate crime me instead, itll be easier to deal with
(please dont actually take this as encouragement to hate crime me)
if you are going to insert yourself into and produce media about a group of minorities that you are not a part of, it is THE BARE MINIMUM for you to educate yourself on that community so that you are not pushing stereotypes about them. fictional media influences how we view certain communities whether you want to admit it or not and bad representation in fictional media can cause incredible amount of harm to already marginalised communities.
if you are not NB/MLM it is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to educate yourself on our issues so that you are not harming us. it is not your place to dictate what hurts us and it is most certainly not your place to lead conversations about us.
if a gay person is aggressive about not wanting women in our spaces it is most likely because they have first hand experience in how incredibly disgusting it can be. by mocking that anger and invalidating it, you are further harming us.
the language and actions you use can have repercussions, the stereotypes and tropes you put out and give positive feedback can have repercussions. i am sick and tired of having non gay people telling us how we should feel and leading discussions about us when it is clear they know nothing.
the reason we are generalising when we point issues out is because we have no other choice. we wont be listened to if we arent aggressive in our approach. we wont be listened to unless we point fingers at everyone. if you arent someone who partakes in the harmful behaviour we point out, there should be no reason for you to get defensive.
ive been seeing a lot of discussion about this which is great but from what i can tell it's once again mostly women being projected into the conversation by other women.
the point is that if youre not mlm/nblm your opinion is not final say and your voice should not be the loudest. fictional media has influenced public perception on issues and topics for YEARS and that is irrefutable. fetishization of gay men has been happening before it was even more societally accepted to be a gay man.
the portrayal of gay men is so fucking skewed in works of yaoi and bl. for generations gay men have been viewed as predatory, rapists, unnatural, feminine and dangerous. ALL of which are stereotypes reflected in these works. this puts us in danger and invalidates us.
the 'feminine bottom' trope which pushes the stereotype that there has to be a 'woman' in an mlm relationship. the 'student+teacher' trope which pushes the stereotype about us being predators. the 'extremely young man+way older man' trope which also pushes us being predators, not to mention larger age gaps tend to have unhealthy power dynamics. the 'rapists and their victims fall in love' trope which i cant even begin describe how insanely unhealthy that is and how insanely popular it is. these are just to name a few which affect REAL people. REAL gay men.
ive seen countless occasions and conversations where women and girls whos views on gay relationships have been so warped that they think its ok to be invasive, to ship real men, to ask questions about private matters without any indication that its ok to do so. not to mention seeing all of this fucked up gay 'representation' can warp the minds of young gay boys the same way it does to young girls. this will often make them hate themselves more, it will normalise toxic relationships for them which can put them in dangerous situations.
bl 'made for women by other women' is in general unhealthy because a woman (even if she is lgbt+) CANNOT give representation to gay men and cannot do their stories justice because shes never experienced it. the only times it would be acceptable is if she talked to actual gay men for their experiences.
we're not asking you to stop writing or reading bl because thats unrealistic but we are asking you to listen to us. listen when we tell you that a trope is bad and should be stopped, stop interacting and giving positive feedback which pushes dangerous stereotypes about us. stop as a woman only interacting with gay media. educate yourself on what its like being a gay man so you can at least recognise toxicity and bad representation. stop ignoring us and misconstruing what we're talking about and what we're asking from you.
did made true friends
