notsohumbleweeb's Favorite

Hey there. I came here because the number of people who recommended this manhwa to have "consensual", "healthy", and "accurate" representation of BDSM is quite concerning. While, yes, this is just a fictional story and the portrayal of BDSM shouldn't be 100% accurate, I believe that people who are digesting such content should be educated of what a Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) BDSM is like. That being said, I’m not here to solely find faults in this work and the like, but rather, I would like to provide everyone an insight of how BDSM should be by enumerating some of the red flags I have seen in this manhwa :)

Common misconception: BDSM is always about/leads to sex.
   BDSM doesn’t have to be sexual in nature. Although, some people’s kinky relationships and BDSM play are focused on sex, the types of relationships included under the BDSM umbrella are plentiful. For some, it’s a way to reach catharsis or a heightened state, and no sexual contact is involved. Some people practice kink with their romantic and sexual partners, and other people practice it with friends who they’re not attracted to.
An example of a nonsexual BDSM is: http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/the_sensual_m/

Ch2 pg3: The translator’s note that says sub=bottom, dom=top
   The submissive role is not limited to the one being penetrated. Likewise, the dominant role is not limited to the one penetrating. A bottom can be dominant, and a top can be submissive. See this list: http://www.mangago.me/home/mangalist/603799/

Ch3: The dom and the ‘assumed’ sub
   BDSM is NOT SPONTANEOUS and it usually DOESN'T OCCUR BETWEEN STRANGERS. In real life BDSM, everything is negotiated first. In a good kink relationship, the parties go in knowing their limits (or with a plan for figuring them out), and trusting that those limits will be respected. Many kink venues have a safeword, and they always know that if they call that word, the play will immediately stop. Even when people participate in pick-up play (similar to what the uke was doing, which is engaging in kinky pastimes with folks they’ve just met) there is a conversation first.

Ch3,4: The dom established the rules ON HIS OWN while the play was about to start.
   Like what I mentioned above, at a SEPARATE TIME, the people who will be taking part in the BDSM play should go EVERY detail to openly discuss things (like what plays are ok, not ok, soft limits, hard limits, etc) IN ADVANCE. The dom/sub just doesn't come up with rules RIGHT ON THE SPOT. You just don't go slap the person and say "oops I forgot to tell you. I can hurt you all I want for sexual pleasure, just say the safeword if you don't like it". Nope. The ‘assumed’ sub didn't even have a say on that. The people involved should also keep in mind that the things discussed can change at any time. If not all, then most of the things that were discussed will be included in a BDSM contract.

These are just some I have found. If I were to enumerate ALL then that would be too long HAHA And as I’ve read along, the plot and the plays do improve. So, I totally understand where y’all are coming from. As I said above, I just want you all to be provided with an insight of what an SSC BDSM should be :)

Hmm if I were to recommend a closely SSC one, then I highly recommend this http://www.mangago.me/read-manga/aporia/
And If you are interested in learning more or have some curious questions about BDSM, ask Squibbles! She’s a bisexual dom with 10+ years experience ;>
http://www.mangago.me/home/mangatopic/5929808/
http://www.mangago.me/home/people/181308/home/

Since there have been so many comics with... Quite unrealistic depictions of BDSM, I thought I could start an AMA here in case people have some questions. Have something you always wanted to know about BDSM/kinky relationships but never had the courage to ask? Saw something in a yaoi and wondered whether it's realistic or happens in real life? Go ahead and ask here!

For reference, I'm a bisexual Dom with around 10 years experience in BDSM and kinky sex and I'm very passionate about safe, sane and consensual BDSM :) I'm pretty confident I've seen it all, or at least most of it haha

Feel free to ask ^^