IT WILL BE A VERY DETAILED EXPLANATION OF THE NOVEL, you can read up to the part you’re interested in, before you read it: there’s no confession (yet) up to the part I read SPOILERS AHEAD, read at your own discretion. ~ ~ ~ I can’t spoil the end, because it wasn’t up when I read it, but i got to halfway through the story. As this episode shows, Nathan reached out first, Alex thinks maybe this means he can sort of make Nathan accept his apology, but as soon as the topic is touched, he quickly cuts Alex off and tells him he doesn’t want to talk about it, so Alex quickly apologises and asks him to forget it. This causes him a lot of pain throughout the novel, as he often thinks about what he did to Nathan, who every time makes it clear that Alex’s health and their past are two separate issues. The reason of the call its to set a date for this week’s meeting because Alex needs the neutralisers. This basically means they have to sleep together, again. Alex is happy, but as insecure as he is, his thoughts shift and tries to tell Nathan that maybe they shouldn’t meet, as Nate will feel uncomfortable because of Alex; Nathan says it’s okay because Alex told him he couldn’t do it with a stranger and what had happened for Alex to get cold feet at this point. Nate then asks very seriously, if Alex had spoken to someone else about his situation, and if that’s why he isn’t choosing a date. Alex quickly says no, which leads to them setting the date on Sunday. Nate then tells Alex this time he can stay with Alex even after they had sex (how cuteee, he cares a lot) During the week Matthew goes up to Alex (at work) and asks him if he’s okay, Alex replies he’s fine, which leads Matthew to ask if it is related to that doctor (Nathan) and if the doctor did something wrong. Alex seriously replies: “no” and that Nathan is not that kind of person. Matthew fights back, saying he wouldn’t know about that; then directly asks him if Nathan is worth being wary of him when he is worrying about Alex. They have a little back and forth, and Matthew says he is just worried, because Alex had been okay-ish and now looks pretty rough. Alex gets told to go to the counsellor for a mental health check up, he always refuses the help, which makes everyone get worried for the state he is in. It was a specially hard week, Alex barely slept and as he is about to go to the movies, he sees someone who is blond, Alex thinks it would be nice if it was Nathan… and it was! He sees a woman locking arms with Nathan. Alex feels awful, as his first urge was to call out for him, but remembering his own “place” Alex decided to stay quiet, as jealousy burns him alive. He bites his tongue, turns around and walks away, almost running. Watching Nate with that woman made his whole body ache, every negative feeling impacts Alex physically, but then someone pulls him back by the arm. Nathan asks why is he running away, Alex almost asks why did you follow me, but chooses to pretend dementia and goes “oh, Nathan, hi.” LITERALLY LMFAO, it’s funny because while he says that, his inner monologue is glad that Nathan held onto him. Alex says he should go back, Nathan insists that’s not what he asked, which makes Alex say the truth “I wasn’t expecting you to follow me.” Nathan looks troubled, and lets Alex go, taking a step back. Alex reminds him that Nate told him not to acknowledge each other outside, so he was doing that. Then he apologised, Nathan admits that is right, then corrects himself saying he was wrong; Alex is dense enough to not understand what Nathan means by being mistaken, but as soon as Alex heard Nate say goodbye, he reached out and blurts out if they can do it tonight (the neutraliser), but Alex panics and goes NVM, IGNORE ME. Nathan tells it doesn’t make a difference, and takes Alex to the car. This isn’t important, but Nate actually opens the car door for him, and Alex feels shy so he goes like “I can do it myself” but it takes one glance to Nate’s face to make Alex get inside without another peep. In their way, Alex asks Nathan if he told the woman, and Nate cuts him off: “that’s none of your business.” But as Alex apologises, Nate explains it wasn’t a date and that’s she is an alumni of Amy. This makes Alex sad because he realises that because of his actions he torn his relationship with Nate to shreds, not realising how much Nathan had truly cared for him. Nate took him to his own house. Alex asks if it’s truly okay for him to be at Nate’s house. Alex is in awe, he can only think of Nathan as he watches every move Nate makes as they go inside, and Alex awkwardly stays put at the entrance until given verbal permission to enter (which was not needed, Alex is just very self conscious around Nate) They share another experience, I won’t describe it, because I feel a little shy on public, but if you guys wanna know what happened I can dm the explanation to you . Long story… long…? they have intense sex and Alex squirts + knots as he was being… you know. It makes Alex feel insecure, and even cries, Nathan tries to help him but Alex feels guilty. Nate basically forces Alex to shower and by the time he comes out, Nathan had already cleaned everything. It gets intimate, and Nate asks why Alex became a detective and then takes it back. It makes Alex ask why is he doing all of this after what happened. Nathan admits Alex looked lonely, as if he had no one, and it was hard to leave him alone with such an expression, and admits that he truly liked Alex a lot. It hurts so much, Alex begs him to listen why he did it, but Nathan cuts him off, “I don’t want to hear it.” He is afraid that if he listens to him, he will try to understand Alex but it wouldn’t change anything, because Nate believes a relationship cannot go back to what it was once it was broken (my fav episode). Nathan says it’s better they focus on Alex not hurting, Alex asks if they can still stay in each others life’s after Alex isn’t hurting anymore, he explains he is okay if Nate just says hi to him if they cross paths again and that he is a detective so he can be useful to Nathan in the future. And Nate says okay, as their work makes them often meet each other. Nathan tries to tell Alex he was almost over everything that had happened before they meet, so he shouldn’t feel burden by what had happened. And Alex feels terrible, he can’t even cry, so he just thanks Nathan, who then takes him home (lowkey forced Alex to tell him his address, because BRO WANTED TO TAKE THE BUS LFMAO, and Nathan was not having it.) The same day, Matthew is worried about Alex wellbeing. Then, Alex asks about a favour, Matthew tells him nothing came from his request. It is explained that Alex had asked for help searching for his dad’s whereabouts. Changing the subject, he then asks what’s up with Alex and the doctor (Nathan) then says it’s obvious Nate doesn’t like it when Alex and Matthew are together, and Alex says it’s because he isn’t too sociable, so he is misunderstanding. They go by the hospital to check something about a drug involved in the case. Ilay is waiting for the both of them, he takes them to a room where Nathan and someone else were, this was shocking for Alex and Matthew notices quickly. Ilay says he brought coffe for everyone, and Matthew asks if he got something sweet for Alex, Illay says he got hot chocolate for cute Alex, and Matthew agrees that Alex is cute. Before Ilay can continue, Nathan irritably says he isn’t here for small talk, so they should start soon with the meeting. While they talk about the drug, Nathan stares at Alex almost the whole time, and Alex only glances at Nate and shyly looks away when he realises he’s still looking at him. When it’s finished, Matthew gets closer to Alex and tries to tell him that it’s okay to tell him if Nathan is giving him any issues and that he will handle it if Alex asks him to, but then notices a mark (left by Nate when they had sex, I think…) but as he asks about it, his mind clocks the meaning of it which makes Alex realise that Matthew knew what that mark is; as he shamefully steps back, his back pressed against Nate’s chest, who had been behind him. Nathan looks at Matthew and asks him what is he doing, Matthew gets confused and Nate reprimands his behaviour, saying Alex doesn’t like to be touched. Matthew says they’re friends, they are close and do all sorts of things. Alex gently, tries to pull away from Nathan who tighten his grip, which makes Alex feel scolded by Nate. Ilay breaks into the fight and asks Matthew if he’s getting involved in a love triangle and that if he ends up dead then he will make Matthew’s corpse look nice, and I love him for that, he’s actually really funny. Matthew gets disgusted by Ilay, and turns to Nate, telling him to give him Alex back because they have things to do. But Ilay gets in the way, asking if Alex has a partner as his pheromones have always smelled really nice but it smells a lot softer now, like “condensed milk”. Nathan, cold as ice, says that’s sexual harassment, and as Ilay jokes that he is sensitive today, Alex also replies that it really was harassment, and breaks free from Nathan’s grip on his shoulders, grabbing Matthew and lowkey running away. The investigation hits a critical juncture, as they now know all the victims had attended a language exchange meeting, where a handsome man attended all the meetings the victims had been to. Alex then goes to where Amy is being hidden for witness protection, she is awfully fidgety as one month has gone by with no results on the investigation, and begs Alex to let her use a phone, he obviously can’t say yes. He asks her about the new advances on the investigation, but when she notices Alex knows Nathan, she asks if he can tell Nathan that she likes him but the investigation was taking too long. Alex ends up rejecting the idea, saying that’s too personal, and then forces himself to say that Mr White would be a lot happier to hear the confession from her. She then remembers something and tells him to look for a woman (sarah) who is also involved in the pharmaceutical the team is looking into. On Monday he runs into Nathan, scared to bother him, Alex attempts to walk away, but Nate looks up and ends up catching trying to slowly back away, so he calls him and tells him to stop. Alex turns and pretends dementia YET AGAIN, “oh, hi Nathan, why are you here?” Since Nate is now part of the investigation, he has to come by the administration office and Alex points the way (Nate didn’t ask) and Nathan asks why is he avoiding him; alex tries to excuse his actions, but Nate says there was no need to avoid him and that they had agreed to stay acquaintances as Alex had REQUESTED, so why was he running away. Alex tells him to stop being nice to him because he might get the wrong idea (all of this while actively thinking about how beautiful Nathan looks). Nathan tries to make the situation clearer, and Alex puts a barrier between them. Turns out the woman (Sarah) had also gone missing, which is a huge link into the case. Matthew tells Alex to check his computer for any progress on the case and then leaves him alone. By coincidence, he find a file by the name Yeon, it was his father, he had found a new family, he looked happier and well dressed, this made him remember how his father was always unhappy with Alex. This makes him panic, his mind goes blank, and immediately goes to look for Matthew. He gets to the lab, and finds Nathan, not giving it much thought he asks Nate if he has seen Matthew and he replies he isn’t there, Alex thanks him and says goodbye but Nathan asks him why does he look like that and what’s wrong. Alex tries to pretend it’s okay, but he has been slowly losing it after seeing the information. Nathan brushed Alex’s eyes and he cries a little, Nate says “tell me” as he cleans away Alex’s tears, but he grabs Nathan by the wrist and tells him not to be nice to him because it is hard to let go of him when he does that. Alex is trying hard to hold back everything, but with so many feelings, Alex poured out his love for Nathan, and confesses he likes Nate. Inside Alex’s head he is begging Nathan not to push him away. But when he stares at Nate, Alex realises there’s no happiness in Nathan’s face, his replay: “I care about you but I can’t trust you Alex. Because you didn’t trust me.” He goes on to say how Alex should’ve told him whatever the circumstances were and ask for help, and then says “what do you want? To date me?” Alex just whispers a yes, but Nate just asks if it is possible when there’s no trust between them. Alex lets go of Nathan, saying he is right, he is afraid to cry again so he apologises and asks him to pretend nothing happened, and Nate accepts that. Alex had no one left to love, and repeats to himself he is fine but his feelings are tearing his insides. Now the story shifts to Nathan’s POV, ever since everything happened he has issues sleeping, he only slept 3-4 hours a day, and every time he closed his eyes he would see Alex. Nathan thought he was doing better after all these years, even if he couldn’t sleep well and rainy days made him feel bad. When he saw him again, everything came back to him like a train. He remembers how Alex looked when he told him those awful things, how he was about to cry. He is a very rational person, so his mind tells him to cut Alex off, but his expression burnt in his mind, makes his final resolve shatter. When it’s about Alex, Nathan felt he had to forget him in order to survive but as soon as he was physically around, Nathan’s body would always react first. Jude calls Nathan, forcing him to go to a reunion from school, so him, Tina and her can reunite after a long time. Nathan arrives to the parking lot of the restaurant where the meeting was. However, his mind is still thinking about his rejection, Nate is sure it wasn’t wrong for him to say that… he doesn’t want to get hurt again, he doesn’t think he can endure such pain a second time. Nate still can’t trust Alex, even when he was indeed worried about Alex’s wellbeing. Waiting for the elevator, he catches a glance of Jessica, Nathan isn’t interested in her but her reaction to seeing him was evidently strange, as she nervously fit herself in the back of the elevator wall, glancing at him, and then running away as soon as the doors open. He spoke with Jude and Tina who interrogate him after Nathan admits meeting with Alex before, but when they ask what happened before, Nate excuses himself to the bathroom; there, she finds Jessica on the hall, who is clearly drunk, a woman follows her telling Jessica she forgot her phone, but when he saw Nathan the woman goes pale, and asks how he is. Nate, suspicious, says “what do you think?” And she blurts out that she didn’t know david was going to use the photo like that and that Jessica never said she couldn’t show the picture around. Nathan wonders what picture and takes Jessica’s phone away, walking up to her and saying they need to talk. She asks why does he keep going when it’s already over and Nate asks what’s over. Jessica admits she deleted the photo and it wasn’t him in the first place, and that Alex checked it, so why was he making a fuss now. Nate tries to get more information, telling her to say it again; she gets defensive, saying she didn’t do anything wrong and it wasn’t Alex and David’s fault for believing it was Nate’s picture. Nathan tells her to say it properly, while in his head, he can see Alex’s expression as he begged him to listen to the reason behind his actions. The woman from before interrupts, her name is Kate, and she explains that Jessica showed everyone the nude picture, and that David showed it other people, which made Alex go on his behalf and told him to delete it. She then goes to say, Jessica heard everything David demanded from Alex and that she should have some conscious. Jessica defends herself by saying that it isn’t wrong for an alpha like Alex to date a pretty omega. Nathan begins to spiral, because now he has a general ideal of what Alex did. Nate is confused as to why Alex didn’t say anything, but then he remembers his replies every time Alex tried to pitifully bring the topic back. Specially, he remembers when Alex begged him to listen to him just once and how he had replied the circumstances did not matter, Nathan is slowly feeling worse, because be realised he told Alex that he didn’t care what Alex went through, and how he never tried to understand Alex and focused only on how hurt he felt. Nathan truly goes in depth on how he knew Alex and yet he never tried to get an answer. It’s worse for Nate when he also realises he had chosen to forget Alex, when in reality he still liked him and always did. Nathan regrets it, he should have never treated him that way; he is slowly losing it, because Alex had endured so much. Nathan almost throws up on the spot from the guilt. He feels he is about to die, seeing a memory of how Alex would happily call out “Nate”. Then, the face he had when Nathan had rejected Alex, who had cling onto him and how he had talked about trust and Nathan can never forgive himself for what he has done. He just can’t do it anymore, and walks away. Back to Alex, he is dead inside, he hasn’t stop working and when Matthew had noticed Alex probably was the one who opened the folder, and apologised; Alex says it’s okay, his dad is alive and it’s good, and he knows Matthew was thinking of him when he hid it. Matthew then gets angry on Alex’s behalf, telling him that no one can be okay after something like that. The investigation is in its final course, they only have to make the arrest, when the Sargent tells Alex to go to the counsellor, this time is mandatory. The counselling session ended up being exactly what he needed, and Alex has a new resolve of wanting to talking with Nathan. Alex goes back to the office once the session is done, and finds his phone with several missing phone calls, turns out Amy had escaped the witness protection room after they received a call saying her mother had passed away. Alex follows her lead, he ends up following his gut and going to where Nathan lives, when he hears a scream of a woman telling someone to get away, Alex jumps into action, screaming police, Amy runs towards Alex, being followed by the killer, who pulls a knife, but before she can catch her, Alex leaps into the man, putting most of his weight into his shoulder. The man was strong, probably ex soldier. Alex screams at Amy to run away, and to go where she was going and call the police. The man takes this brief moment to grab Alex by the neck and choke him, and Alex pressed his fingers into the man’s eyes, so the man gets off him. Both of them then go for the knife that had ended up on the floor, but the man is quicker and pins him down, grabbing the knife and then punching Alex on the face, before the man can stab him on the neck, Alex uses his own arm to try and push the hand away, with the struggle he ends up being stabbed in the lower part of his abdomen, he twists the knife and takes it away. Amy could still be running and Alex remembers she is important to Nate, so he stood up but fell down, the killer sat next to him, aiming at Alex’s neck, who stays still and at the last moment uses his taser to immobilise the killer (they aren’t allowed to always carry a gun btw). Alex then grabs his handcuffs, he recites the man’s rights and then handcuffs one of the killer’s hand to his own hand. Just to be sure he uses the teaser on the man again, and then succumbs to blood lost. It gets him thinking if, besides Nathan, was also death the reason he chose that career path, he doesn’t find an answer, as he closes his eyes. Back to Nathan, after the party, he asked his brother Nicholas to look into Alex’s situation, anything related to him. Nathan read the whole investigation that was done overnight the next day, he gets his hands on the photo Jessica had showed, and the information he needed of david mac who is currently working at a pharmaceutical company. The summary made Nathan feel sick, when he read Alex had a trauma related to omegas, Nate realised Alex had been telling the truth when he said he had never had a relationship. Everything wrong in Alex’s life was related to Nate. If he had listened to Alex just once, he wouldn’t have said those things. Nathan keeps reading, finding out about his mother leaving him behind and his father going missing, then the investigation showed it was suspected that Alex is paying off a debt owed by his own father. Nate can only think how Alex had been alone all this time, and once again he thinks of the look in Alex’s face when he rejected him, how Alex apologised to him (literally bawled my eyes out here). Not being able to take it anymore, Nathan called Alex who didn’t reply. He grabs his jacket and goes out, just to find Amy, who sobbing explains that Alex needed help. As soon as he hears Alex is in trouble, Nathan tells her to call the police and ambulance. Nathan runs to get where Amy told him Alex was, he smells the blood first then sees both of the bodies. Nate runs up to Alex, who doesn’t react, trying to get him to open his eyes. He whispers to Alex it will be okay because he is there, pressing down on the wound and covering Alex with his body so he won’t get wet by the rain, then calls Luther so he will have everything ready for surgery. He torns his own shirt and then uses his belt to tighten it around the wound. Nathan himself feels like he is dying, because Alex feels cold to the touch, so he keeps reassuring Alex even when he’s unconscious. Nathan admits to have always think of him, and wished he was living well, and begs him to please let him apologise, repeating to Alex he had to live, and finally saying “let me say I love you…” AGGHHH, I love them so much. Nathan thinks if Alex died like this, he would kill those who caused his death and then end his own life (romantic alert ig). The ambulance arrived quickly, Matthew arrived a little later, telling the paramedics to follow Nathan’s instructions. Matthew is the one who removed Alex’s handcuffs from his wrist, who does it as he stares at the bruised face of the unconscious Alex. Nate and Matthew share a little conversation, where Matthew confesses that it is obvious that Alex liked Nate, which makes Nathan silently sob, to which Matthew pats him on the shoulder once and left. For Alex, it was just a dream-nightmare, he saw Amy on a carrusel, while she smiled and waved at him, Alex was confused until he noticed that she was looking at Nathan; he calls out his name, but Nathan just waved back at Amy and didn’t look back at Alex. Thinking its not fair, he begs Nathan, then says he loves him, Alex assures him he will do well, he will try harder from now on, and begs Nathan for him to trust on him just once. Then everything went to black. On the third day, Alex woke up, sat up but it’s hurts, and he heard a familiar voice telling him to stay still. Thinking it was a dream, Alex calls out for Nathan, who didn’t reply but pushed him back into the bed. Alex takes his time to look at Nathan, who looks disheveled and asks if he is sick. Nate looks at him, and then replies “you’re awake, so that’s enough.” Moving the hand from Alex’s shoulder to the back of his neck, then back to his cheek, then stood up, checking on Alex, he says he will go get the nurse but strokes Alex’s cheek, looking at him for a long time, and Alex didn’t look away either. Alex begins to wonder if maybe Nathan got worried so he takes this chance to ask him to stay, to which Nathan sighs and apologises, leaving the room to get a doctor. Alex resolve is still there, he will confess and if Nathan rejects him, then he will truly give up. After the doctor is done, Matthew enters next, scolds him, and then says sorry about hiding the truth about Alex’s fathers, he is really lenient and apologises back for never relying on him after all his care, and thanks him for being a good partner and friend. Nathan comes back, and Matthew tries to tell Alex something about Nate, but he cuts him off by asking what are they doing while he watches Alex’s hand over Matthew’s, who slowly takes his hand away, and laughs at Nathan’s reaction as he leaves the room (lowkey Nate kicked him out). The next day he gets moved to a private room, it’s fancy so Alex requests to be moved into a shared room so he can afford it but Nathan tells him not to worry. For the next days, Matthew often visits, bringing gifts from his coworkers, and then asks him if that doctor (Nathan) ever left Alex’s side, which got him thinking about how Nate would stay with him all the time while he was awake, and doesn’t remember seeing him sleep, Nathan also stays with him while doing his exercises, and only goes out when Alex has to shower or go to the bathroom, but it’s only because Alex asked him to, Nathan even feeds him. Alex made Matthew asked around and he found out that the room was paid by Nathan, and adds that it’s only normal since they are dating. Alex gets confused, which makes Matthew realise they haven’t talked, and spills how Nate was a wreck, sitting outside the operating room, to the point that his family went to see him, then adds that it was Nathan who performed the emergency treatment at the scene. They ended up catching two people, patrick and Dwayne, and that Dwayne was the one with the important information. They were taking orders from someone else, and all that Patrick knew was that the person was a soccer player, which does make Alex think of David but soon enough discarded the idea. Alex plants the idea that Matthew should look at the friendship of Sarah and Amy in case there was a reason as to why she recommended that pharmaceutical to Amy. Matthew compliments his job, and pats him on the shoulder. Sitting alone in the room, Alex realises, amidst gifts, even with his financial and family issues, he felt less lonely than before. While doing some introspection, Nate goes by to ask how he is doing, and that’s the last episode I read
IT WILL BE A VERY DETAILED EXPLANATION OF THE NOVEL, you can read up to the part you’re interested in, before you read it: there’s no confession (yet) up to the part I readSPOILERS AHEAD, read at your own d... kitten
This was so sweet. they loved each other so much and it was so evident, stop, it was the sweetest read ever. Even in the profiles they are being cute, I will miss them so much
IM SO EXCITED FOR WHAT’S NEXT. I might as well read the novel again
Do you have a link?
U can read the novel on borntobenovel.com, atleast the main story is completed and free there
Pls do you have spoilers
can u spoil plsss
IT WILL BE A VERY DETAILED EXPLANATION OF THE NOVEL, you can read up to the part you’re interested in, before you read it: there’s no confession (yet) up to the part I read
SPOILERS AHEAD, read at your own discretion.
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I can’t spoil the end, because it wasn’t up when I read it, but i got to halfway through the story.
As this episode shows, Nathan reached out first, Alex thinks maybe this means he can sort of make Nathan accept his apology, but as soon as the topic is touched, he quickly cuts Alex off and tells him he doesn’t want to talk about it, so Alex quickly apologises and asks him to forget it. This causes him a lot of pain throughout the novel, as he often thinks about what he did to Nathan, who every time makes it clear that Alex’s health and their past are two separate issues.
The reason of the call its to set a date for this week’s meeting because Alex needs the neutralisers. This basically means they have to sleep together, again. Alex is happy, but as insecure as he is, his thoughts shift and tries to tell Nathan that maybe they shouldn’t meet, as Nate will feel uncomfortable because of Alex; Nathan says it’s okay because Alex told him he couldn’t do it with a stranger and what had happened for Alex to get cold feet at this point. Nate then asks very seriously, if Alex had spoken to someone else about his situation, and if that’s why he isn’t choosing a date. Alex quickly says no, which leads to them setting the date on Sunday. Nate then tells Alex this time he can stay with Alex even after they had sex (how cuteee, he cares a lot)
During the week Matthew goes up to Alex (at work) and asks him if he’s okay, Alex replies he’s fine, which leads Matthew to ask if it is related to that doctor (Nathan) and if the doctor did something wrong. Alex seriously replies: “no” and that Nathan is not that kind of person. Matthew fights back, saying he wouldn’t know about that; then directly asks him if Nathan is worth being wary of him when he is worrying about Alex. They have a little back and forth, and Matthew says he is just worried, because Alex had been okay-ish and now looks pretty rough. Alex gets told to go to the counsellor for a mental health check up, he always refuses the help, which makes everyone get worried for the state he is in.
It was a specially hard week, Alex barely slept and as he is about to go to the movies, he sees someone who is blond, Alex thinks it would be nice if it was Nathan… and it was! He sees a woman locking arms with Nathan. Alex feels awful, as his first urge was to call out for him, but remembering his own “place” Alex decided to stay quiet, as jealousy burns him alive. He bites his tongue, turns around and walks away, almost running. Watching Nate with that woman made his whole body ache, every negative feeling impacts Alex physically, but then someone pulls him back by the arm. Nathan asks why is he running away, Alex almost asks why did you follow me, but chooses to pretend dementia and goes “oh, Nathan, hi.” LITERALLY LMFAO, it’s funny because while he says that, his inner monologue is glad that Nathan held onto him. Alex says he should go back, Nathan insists that’s not what he asked, which makes Alex say the truth “I wasn’t expecting you to follow me.” Nathan looks troubled, and lets Alex go, taking a step back. Alex reminds him that Nate told him not to acknowledge each other outside, so he was doing that. Then he apologised, Nathan admits that is right, then corrects himself saying he was wrong; Alex is dense enough to not understand what Nathan means by being mistaken, but as soon as Alex heard Nate say goodbye, he reached out and blurts out if they can do it tonight (the neutraliser), but Alex panics and goes NVM, IGNORE ME. Nathan tells it doesn’t make a difference, and takes Alex to the car. This isn’t important, but Nate actually opens the car door for him, and Alex feels shy so he goes like “I can do it myself” but it takes one glance to Nate’s face to make Alex get inside without another peep. In their way, Alex asks Nathan if he told the woman, and Nate cuts him off: “that’s none of your business.” But as Alex apologises, Nate explains it wasn’t a date and that’s she is an alumni of Amy. This makes Alex sad because he realises that because of his actions he torn his relationship with Nate to shreds, not realising how much Nathan had truly cared for him.
Nate took him to his own house. Alex asks if it’s truly okay for him to be at Nate’s house. Alex is in awe, he can only think of Nathan as he watches every move Nate makes as they go inside, and Alex awkwardly stays put at the entrance until given verbal permission to enter (which was not needed, Alex is just very self conscious around Nate)
They share another experience, I won’t describe it, because I feel a little shy on public, but if you guys wanna know what happened I can dm the explanation to you . Long story… long…? they have intense sex and Alex squirts + knots as he was being… you know. It makes Alex feel insecure, and even cries, Nathan tries to help him but Alex feels guilty. Nate basically forces Alex to shower and by the time he comes out, Nathan had already cleaned everything. It gets intimate, and Nate asks why Alex became a detective and then takes it back. It makes Alex ask why is he doing all of this after what happened. Nathan admits Alex looked lonely, as if he had no one, and it was hard to leave him alone with such an expression, and admits that he truly liked Alex a lot. It hurts so much, Alex begs him to listen why he did it, but Nathan cuts him off, “I don’t want to hear it.” He is afraid that if he listens to him, he will try to understand Alex but it wouldn’t change anything, because Nate believes a relationship cannot go back to what it was once it was broken (my fav episode). Nathan says it’s better they focus on Alex not hurting, Alex asks if they can still stay in each others life’s after Alex isn’t hurting anymore, he explains he is okay if Nate just says hi to him if they cross paths again and that he is a detective so he can be useful to Nathan in the future. And Nate says okay, as their work makes them often meet each other. Nathan tries to tell Alex he was almost over everything that had happened before they meet, so he shouldn’t feel burden by what had happened. And Alex feels terrible, he can’t even cry, so he just thanks Nathan, who then takes him home (lowkey forced Alex to tell him his address, because BRO WANTED TO TAKE THE BUS LFMAO, and Nathan was not having it.)
The same day, Matthew is worried about Alex wellbeing. Then, Alex asks about a favour, Matthew tells him nothing came from his request. It is explained that Alex had asked for help searching for his dad’s whereabouts. Changing the subject, he then asks what’s up with Alex and the doctor (Nathan) then says it’s obvious Nate doesn’t like it when Alex and Matthew are together, and Alex says it’s because he isn’t too sociable, so he is misunderstanding. They go by the hospital to check something about a drug involved in the case. Ilay is waiting for the both of them, he takes them to a room where Nathan and someone else were, this was shocking for Alex and Matthew notices quickly. Ilay says he brought coffe for everyone, and Matthew asks if he got something sweet for Alex, Illay says he got hot chocolate for cute Alex, and Matthew agrees that Alex is cute. Before Ilay can continue, Nathan irritably says he isn’t here for small talk, so they should start soon with the meeting. While they talk about the drug, Nathan stares at Alex almost the whole time, and Alex only glances at Nate and shyly looks away when he realises he’s still looking at him. When it’s finished, Matthew gets closer to Alex and tries to tell him that it’s okay to tell him if Nathan is giving him any issues and that he will handle it if Alex asks him to, but then notices a mark (left by Nate when they had sex, I think…) but as he asks about it, his mind clocks the meaning of it which makes Alex realise that Matthew knew what that mark is; as he shamefully steps back, his back pressed against Nate’s chest, who had been behind him. Nathan looks at Matthew and asks him what is he doing, Matthew gets confused and Nate reprimands his behaviour, saying Alex doesn’t like to be touched. Matthew says they’re friends, they are close and do all sorts of things. Alex gently, tries to pull away from Nathan who tighten his grip, which makes Alex feel scolded by Nate. Ilay breaks into the fight and asks Matthew if he’s getting involved in a love triangle and that if he ends up dead then he will make Matthew’s corpse look nice, and I love him for that, he’s actually really funny. Matthew gets disgusted by Ilay, and turns to Nate, telling him to give him Alex back because they have things to do. But Ilay gets in the way, asking if Alex has a partner as his pheromones have always smelled really nice but it smells a lot softer now, like “condensed milk”. Nathan, cold as ice, says that’s sexual harassment, and as Ilay jokes that he is sensitive today, Alex also replies that it really was harassment, and breaks free from Nathan’s grip on his shoulders, grabbing Matthew and lowkey running away.
The investigation hits a critical juncture, as they now know all the victims had attended a language exchange meeting, where a handsome man attended all the meetings the victims had been to. Alex then goes to where Amy is being hidden for witness protection, she is awfully fidgety as one month has gone by with no results on the investigation, and begs Alex to let her use a phone, he obviously can’t say yes. He asks her about the new advances on the investigation, but when she notices Alex knows Nathan, she asks if he can tell Nathan that she likes him but the investigation was taking too long. Alex ends up rejecting the idea, saying that’s too personal, and then forces himself to say that Mr White would be a lot happier to hear the confession from her. She then remembers something and tells him to look for a woman (sarah) who is also involved in the pharmaceutical the team is looking into.
On Monday he runs into Nathan, scared to bother him, Alex attempts to walk away, but Nate looks up and ends up catching trying to slowly back away, so he calls him and tells him to stop. Alex turns and pretends dementia YET AGAIN, “oh, hi Nathan, why are you here?” Since Nate is now part of the investigation, he has to come by the administration office and Alex points the way (Nate didn’t ask) and Nathan asks why is he avoiding him; alex tries to excuse his actions, but Nate says there was no need to avoid him and that they had agreed to stay acquaintances as Alex had REQUESTED, so why was he running away. Alex tells him to stop being nice to him because he might get the wrong idea (all of this while actively thinking about how beautiful Nathan looks). Nathan tries to make the situation clearer, and Alex puts a barrier between them.
Turns out the woman (Sarah) had also gone missing, which is a huge link into the case. Matthew tells Alex to check his computer for any progress on the case and then leaves him alone. By coincidence, he find a file by the name Yeon, it was his father, he had found a new family, he looked happier and well dressed, this made him remember how his father was always unhappy with Alex. This makes him panic, his mind goes blank, and immediately goes to look for Matthew. He gets to the lab, and finds Nathan, not giving it much thought he asks Nate if he has seen Matthew and he replies he isn’t there, Alex thanks him and says goodbye but Nathan asks him why does he look like that and what’s wrong. Alex tries to pretend it’s okay, but he has been slowly losing it after seeing the information. Nathan brushed Alex’s eyes and he cries a little, Nate says “tell me” as he cleans away Alex’s tears, but he grabs Nathan by the wrist and tells him not to be nice to him because it is hard to let go of him when he does that. Alex is trying hard to hold back everything, but with so many feelings, Alex poured out his love for Nathan, and confesses he likes Nate. Inside Alex’s head he is begging Nathan not to push him away. But when he stares at Nate, Alex realises there’s no happiness in Nathan’s face, his replay: “I care about you but I can’t trust you Alex. Because you didn’t trust me.” He goes on to say how Alex should’ve told him whatever the circumstances were and ask for help, and then says “what do you want? To date me?” Alex just whispers a yes, but Nate just asks if it is possible when there’s no trust between them. Alex lets go of Nathan, saying he is right, he is afraid to cry again so he apologises and asks him to pretend nothing happened, and Nate accepts that. Alex had no one left to love, and repeats to himself he is fine but his feelings are tearing his insides.
Now the story shifts to Nathan’s POV, ever since everything happened he has issues sleeping, he only slept 3-4 hours a day, and every time he closed his eyes he would see Alex. Nathan thought he was doing better after all these years, even if he couldn’t sleep well and rainy days made him feel bad. When he saw him again, everything came back to him like a train. He remembers how Alex looked when he told him those awful things, how he was about to cry. He is a very rational person, so his mind tells him to cut Alex off, but his expression burnt in his mind, makes his final resolve shatter. When it’s about Alex, Nathan felt he had to forget him in order to survive but as soon as he was physically around, Nathan’s body would always react first.
Jude calls Nathan, forcing him to go to a reunion from school, so him, Tina and her can reunite after a long time. Nathan arrives to the parking lot of the restaurant where the meeting was. However, his mind is still thinking about his rejection, Nate is sure it wasn’t wrong for him to say that… he doesn’t want to get hurt again, he doesn’t think he can endure such pain a second time. Nate still can’t trust Alex, even when he was indeed worried about Alex’s wellbeing. Waiting for the elevator, he catches a glance of Jessica, Nathan isn’t interested in her but her reaction to seeing him was evidently strange, as she nervously fit herself in the back of the elevator wall, glancing at him, and then running away as soon as the doors open. He spoke with Jude and Tina who interrogate him after Nathan admits meeting with Alex before, but when they ask what happened before, Nate excuses himself to the bathroom; there, she finds Jessica on the hall, who is clearly drunk, a woman follows her telling Jessica she forgot her phone, but when he saw Nathan the woman goes pale, and asks how he is. Nate, suspicious, says “what do you think?” And she blurts out that she didn’t know david was going to use the photo like that and that Jessica never said she couldn’t show the picture around. Nathan wonders what picture and takes Jessica’s phone away, walking up to her and saying they need to talk. She asks why does he keep going when it’s already over and Nate asks what’s over. Jessica admits she deleted the photo and it wasn’t him in the first place, and that Alex checked it, so why was he making a fuss now. Nate tries to get more information, telling her to say it again; she gets defensive, saying she didn’t do anything wrong and it wasn’t Alex and David’s fault for believing it was Nate’s picture. Nathan tells her to say it properly, while in his head, he can see Alex’s expression as he begged him to listen to the reason behind his actions. The woman from before interrupts, her name is Kate, and she explains that Jessica showed everyone the nude picture, and that David showed it other people, which made Alex go on his behalf and told him to delete it. She then goes to say, Jessica heard everything David demanded from Alex and that she should have some conscious. Jessica defends herself by saying that it isn’t wrong for an alpha like Alex to date a pretty omega. Nathan begins to spiral, because now he has a general ideal of what Alex did. Nate is confused as to why Alex didn’t say anything, but then he remembers his replies every time Alex tried to pitifully bring the topic back. Specially, he remembers when Alex begged him to listen to him just once and how he had replied the circumstances did not matter, Nathan is slowly feeling worse, because be realised he told Alex that he didn’t care what Alex went through, and how he never tried to understand Alex and focused only on how hurt he felt. Nathan truly goes in depth on how he knew Alex and yet he never tried to get an answer. It’s worse for Nate when he also realises he had chosen to forget Alex, when in reality he still liked him and always did. Nathan regrets it, he should have never treated him that way; he is slowly losing it, because Alex had endured so much.
Nathan almost throws up on the spot from the guilt. He feels he is about to die, seeing a memory of how Alex would happily call out “Nate”. Then, the face he had when Nathan had rejected Alex, who had cling onto him and how he had talked about trust and Nathan can never forgive himself for what he has done. He just can’t do it anymore, and walks away.
Back to Alex, he is dead inside, he hasn’t stop working and when Matthew had noticed Alex probably was the one who opened the folder, and apologised; Alex says it’s okay, his dad is alive and it’s good, and he knows Matthew was thinking of him when he hid it. Matthew then gets angry on Alex’s behalf, telling him that no one can be okay after something like that.
The investigation is in its final course, they only have to make the arrest, when the Sargent tells Alex to go to the counsellor, this time is mandatory. The counselling session ended up being exactly what he needed, and Alex has a new resolve of wanting to talking with Nathan. Alex goes back to the office once the session is done, and finds his phone with several missing phone calls, turns out Amy had escaped the witness protection room after they received a call saying her mother had passed away. Alex follows her lead, he ends up following his gut and going to where Nathan lives, when he hears a scream of a woman telling someone to get away, Alex jumps into action, screaming police, Amy runs towards Alex, being followed by the killer, who pulls a knife, but before she can catch her, Alex leaps into the man, putting most of his weight into his shoulder. The man was strong, probably ex soldier. Alex screams at Amy to run away, and to go where she was going and call the police. The man takes this brief moment to grab Alex by the neck and choke him, and Alex pressed his fingers into the man’s eyes, so the man gets off him. Both of them then go for the knife that had ended up on the floor, but the man is quicker and pins him down, grabbing the knife and then punching Alex on the face, before the man can stab him on the neck, Alex uses his own arm to try and push the hand away, with the struggle he ends up being stabbed in the lower part of his abdomen, he twists the knife and takes it away. Amy could still be running and Alex remembers she is important to Nate, so he stood up but fell down, the killer sat next to him, aiming at Alex’s neck, who stays still and at the last moment uses his taser to immobilise the killer (they aren’t allowed to always carry a gun btw). Alex then grabs his handcuffs, he recites the man’s rights and then handcuffs one of the killer’s hand to his own hand. Just to be sure he uses the teaser on the man again, and then succumbs to blood lost. It gets him thinking if, besides Nathan, was also death the reason he chose that career path, he doesn’t find an answer, as he closes his eyes.
Back to Nathan, after the party, he asked his brother Nicholas to look into Alex’s situation, anything related to him. Nathan read the whole investigation that was done overnight the next day, he gets his hands on the photo Jessica had showed, and the information he needed of david mac who is currently working at a pharmaceutical company. The summary made Nathan feel sick, when he read Alex had a trauma related to omegas, Nate realised Alex had been telling the truth when he said he had never had a relationship. Everything wrong in Alex’s life was related to Nate. If he had listened to Alex just once, he wouldn’t have said those things. Nathan keeps reading, finding out about his mother leaving him behind and his father going missing, then the investigation showed it was suspected that Alex is paying off a debt owed by his own father.
Nate can only think how Alex had been alone all this time, and once again he thinks of the look in Alex’s face when he rejected him, how Alex apologised to him (literally bawled my eyes out here). Not being able to take it anymore, Nathan called Alex who didn’t reply. He grabs his jacket and goes out, just to find Amy, who sobbing explains that Alex needed help. As soon as he hears Alex is in trouble, Nathan tells her to call the police and ambulance.
Nathan runs to get where Amy told him Alex was, he smells the blood first then sees both of the bodies. Nate runs up to Alex, who doesn’t react, trying to get him to open his eyes. He whispers to Alex it will be okay because he is there, pressing down on the wound and covering Alex with his body so he won’t get wet by the rain, then calls Luther so he will have everything ready for surgery. He torns his own shirt and then uses his belt to tighten it around the wound. Nathan himself feels like he is dying, because Alex feels cold to the touch, so he keeps reassuring Alex even when he’s unconscious. Nathan admits to have always think of him, and wished he was living well, and begs him to please let him apologise, repeating to Alex he had to live, and finally saying “let me say I love you…” AGGHHH, I love them so much. Nathan thinks if Alex died like this, he would kill those who caused his death and then end his own life (romantic alert ig).
The ambulance arrived quickly, Matthew arrived a little later, telling the paramedics to follow Nathan’s instructions. Matthew is the one who removed Alex’s handcuffs from his wrist, who does it as he stares at the bruised face of the unconscious Alex.
Nate and Matthew share a little conversation, where Matthew confesses that it is obvious that Alex liked Nate, which makes Nathan silently sob, to which Matthew pats him on the shoulder once and left.
For Alex, it was just a dream-nightmare, he saw Amy on a carrusel, while she smiled and waved at him, Alex was confused until he noticed that she was looking at Nathan; he calls out his name, but Nathan just waved back at Amy and didn’t look back at Alex. Thinking its not fair, he begs Nathan, then says he loves him, Alex assures him he will do well, he will try harder from now on, and begs Nathan for him to trust on him just once. Then everything went to black.
On the third day, Alex woke up, sat up but it’s hurts, and he heard a familiar voice telling him to stay still. Thinking it was a dream, Alex calls out for Nathan, who didn’t reply but pushed him back into the bed. Alex takes his time to look at Nathan, who looks disheveled and asks if he is sick. Nate looks at him, and then replies “you’re awake, so that’s enough.” Moving the hand from Alex’s shoulder to the back of his neck, then back to his cheek, then stood up, checking on Alex, he says he will go get the nurse but strokes Alex’s cheek, looking at him for a long time, and Alex didn’t look away either.
Alex begins to wonder if maybe Nathan got worried so he takes this chance to ask him to stay, to which Nathan sighs and apologises, leaving the room to get a doctor. Alex resolve is still there, he will confess and if Nathan rejects him, then he will truly give up.
After the doctor is done, Matthew enters next, scolds him, and then says sorry about hiding the truth about Alex’s fathers, he is really lenient and apologises back for never relying on him after all his care, and thanks him for being a good partner and friend. Nathan comes back, and Matthew tries to tell Alex something about Nate, but he cuts him off by asking what are they doing while he watches Alex’s hand over Matthew’s, who slowly takes his hand away, and laughs at Nathan’s reaction as he leaves the room (lowkey Nate kicked him out).
The next day he gets moved to a private room, it’s fancy so Alex requests to be moved into a shared room so he can afford it but Nathan tells him not to worry. For the next days, Matthew often visits, bringing gifts from his coworkers, and then asks him if that doctor (Nathan) ever left Alex’s side, which got him thinking about how Nate would stay with him all the time while he was awake, and doesn’t remember seeing him sleep, Nathan also stays with him while doing his exercises, and only goes out when Alex has to shower or go to the bathroom, but it’s only because Alex asked him to, Nathan even feeds him. Alex made Matthew asked around and he found out that the room was paid by Nathan, and adds that it’s only normal since they are dating. Alex gets confused, which makes Matthew realise they haven’t talked, and spills how Nate was a wreck, sitting outside the operating room, to the point that his family went to see him, then adds that it was Nathan who performed the emergency treatment at the scene.
They ended up catching two people, patrick and Dwayne, and that Dwayne was the one with the important information. They were taking orders from someone else, and all that Patrick knew was that the person was a soccer player, which does make Alex think of David but soon enough discarded the idea. Alex plants the idea that Matthew should look at the friendship of Sarah and Amy in case there was a reason as to why she recommended that pharmaceutical to Amy. Matthew compliments his job, and pats him on the shoulder.
Sitting alone in the room, Alex realises, amidst gifts, even with his financial and family issues, he felt less lonely than before. While doing some introspection, Nate goes by to ask how he is doing, and that’s the last episode I read
OMG ILY thank u smmmm <3
ily2 !!! no worries babes, I love this novel fr so this was fun to do, I will spoil anything people ask me if I read it
you’re an angel