justlove's Things

I've been suicidal for 2 years now and I'm feeling terribly alone in this experience. I know this isn't the site for this kind of stuff, but sites who relate to this topic are making me feel even worse. so this is site is kind of an outlet for me.
I've been suicidal since I've finished high school 2 years ago because working makes me feel so much anxiety and depression, that I literally cannot do it. I have panic attacks from the stress of being at work and knowing I need to go to work. so basically I'm stressed out all day, and I tried different jobs. (and I'm talking about those "part-time" jobs.) I'm living with my parents who are very emotionally abusive towards me. and I know I'll get kicked out soon. :
The reason why I haven't successfully succeed at killing myself yet was because I'm afraid of heights (which is the best way for me to actually succeed)
again, I know this isn't the website for this kind of thing, but people here are nicer and more open-minded and accepting than the people who are "supposed to help me" or "know what they are doing".
Thank you guys. I want you to know you are the best kind of people
(=・ω・=)