This was on my Want To Read list for like the longest time and I was just waiting for it to be marked Complete but I guess, that's not happening. I'm glad I read it.
I can see the story as a critique on society. We're knowingly and unknowingly acting to our pre-determined roles prescribed to us by the systems in our society, and I felt the sense of freedom that I think the author was trying to communicate. Breaking free.
They designed such an elaborate background on which this piece of work is set on, and I consider that their attempt on reflecting our real society as it is. We get dealt cards/roles whereas the students find them. We fulfill those roles whether we want to or not, whether we intend to or not, and by the characters choosing to forfeit the game and making it impossible for the game to continue for everyone else, we are reminded that it's just a game. This is the thing that I think the author wanted to relay. Society might have predesribed roles upon us, but we have a choice whether to go along with it or not. We're not completely helpless, and finding a supportive community will help us with self-realization–our attempt to dismiss those predesribed roles and forge our own paths.
That was my take on the theme of the story. Would add to this later.
I have never read a guideverse story (I lied I think I might have read an incomplete one but I don't remember it so it didn't happen) and I'm so glad this is my first one! BUT also, I know I'm putting myself in a spot here because of how good it is that I'm afraid all the others wouldn't fare well to the standard that this one has set! (I also read it in one go just now so forgive me if I maybe excited)
I love this so much. It's so easy to read. It's relatable. And I would probably never say this anywhere else but I love the smut!!! It's so delicious! And I'm not saying that bc it's the full moon but the smut is palatable, meticulous, intentional. I love how careful they are going about it. Too often (and I'm generalizing heavy) smut in bl can feel mechanical, and even overused but I love that it's not the case here (yet).
I really love the dynamics between the characters, how, because of the nature of him as a person, Taegun can't help but spill all his beans to Eunsung (it's thanks to Eunsung's character essence too) and I find that so interesting because we've viewed Taegun from Eunsung lenses which means that we see him as guarded, as the one with the high walls, but ironically enough, by the end of the first season, we know more about Taegun than we do about Eunsung. I wanna give them both a hug.
Also, this is an 8am blubber so I'll keep it short but I really love Eunsung's backlash esp verbal diarrhea lmaooo
I'm really looking forward to season 2!!! I can't wait! <3
But "That's my bitch, only I can devour him" was so good to me idk
I thought it was finished that's why I read it only to find out it's still ongoing. I finished it in 2-3 days?? And there are currently 141 chapters which means I read double of what's uploaded here. Sigh it was a very long read I'm glad I went through that frustration in 2-3 days vs dragged out if I followed the translated updates. I'm still going to read tho. And I'm still rooting for my boy Minwoo outside of the love triangle!
There were times when I tried to read when it was ongoing and I would be put off by the comments complaining or by the trigger warnings. This time I read it in one go and I think it was the best way I could have gone about reading this.
It took me reading the whole thing to realize that the title wasn't just talking about Sooyoung. It was referring to Minhyuk and Taeseung as well. There was that panel after Minhyuk almost killed Taeseung but didn't, and Taeseung and Sooyoung walked off together, Taeseung leaning on Sooyoung even though Sooyoung is the cripple. It occurred to me then. "Ah, this is where it was all leading to."
It was by then, that the main characters could now "walk" or in other words, move on. Minhyuk was stuck on his hatred for the Dragon gang leader and made protecting Sooyoung his sole purpose. Once he realized that Sooyoung and Taeseung weren't parallels of his sister and the dragon, then he could move on. Moving on for him meant stopping, leaving Sooyoung's side as a protective figure.
Moving on for Taeseung meant getting over the fear of proximity. He loved Sooyoung to the point of orchestrating the whole ordeal so that the ending would be Sooyoung moving on with his life without himself in it. Honestly, what could be more selfless than wishing happiness on the person you love while fully knowing you won't be a part of it? I think there was also the idea that Taeseung felt undeserving to be by Sooyoung's side. The nature of him as a person meant danger itself to Sooyoung. Which is why he made all the necessary arrangements to make sure it won't be the case anymore.
Moving on for taeseung also meant that he would finally express his feelings as they were. Man has been in love with Sooyoung from the moment he laid his eyes on him. We've seen Taeseung putting in the effort to make amends.
Lastly, Moving on for Sooyoung meant walking, literally. There was a feeling of being stuck, of waiting on the other person's decisions and not being the one on the lead. He had a lot of realizations through Hansung. There was no need for him to wait to be saved (note how taeseung was always the one coming to Sooyoung's rescue but at the end, sooyoung was the one who saved taeseung from minhyuk?) or heal. He learned to initiate decisions, that he may be weak physically with one limping leg, but that didn't mean he couldn't take charge. Sooyoung running to taeseung's rescue without his crutch was the ultimate visualization of this, imo. Sooyoung making the decision to go to taeseung shows his intention to clarify all the confusion regarding his complicated feelings for taeseung.
Iirc, even before taeseung had ever touched sooyoung, sooyoung had always felt tenderness from taeseung. The only reason that could be, is bc Taeseung had always reflected that tenderness, even though it had been hidden at times.
I want to expound on Sooyoung's feelings but I don't have the words right now. So maybe later.
The "crippledness" represented by these characters can simply be put as brokenness. They were all broken one way or another, wounded by their childhood and their circumstances. But that didn't mean there is no healing, or moving on. I think at the end of the day, this is the message that the author wanted to relay, that we can all heal...we can all "walk".
And as a sidenote, there is no universe in which rape can ever be excused. However, please don't expect that a manhwa dealing with drugs and violence will be "morally correct". Honestly, just take it as the fictional work that it is and go. There's a reason why fictional works with such heavy themes have a disclaimer saying reader's discretion is advised.
I don't know how I will rate this yet as I haven't concluded my thoughts on it but I would definitely read it again!
I thought it was the dad from the last chapter and I read this with my eyes half closed assuming so. What a surprise lol it kinda woke me up
Completely ignoring the rape, there's something naive about this. Yah they're in prison, these people most probably have done something to be there, but room #2 gives off found family vibes??? I could be wrong since it's this early but aren't the dynamics between gray hair and long hair somehow cute? Big shy introverted guy under the protection of the most feared guy in the area. Fearless newcomer leads big shy guy, but both of them follow long hair's word.
Even in the dialogue and the way they speak there's something youthful and even warm(???) sometimes. Idk if I'm the weird one for interpreting it this way but I find it impressive the author got to pull that off despite such a brusque/harsh background of the story.
As an asexual and an (in-denial) aro person with similar trauma it's so... Man I don't even know what to say. I think I pushed away the idea of reading this from the synopsis bc I was afraid it would trigger me or something. It hasn't! And I'm still able to empathize with Mc with a healthy distance, which means I'm not being triggered just because I've emotionally blocked myself off.
At this point, at chapter 24, I'm more concerned with the idea that existing in heteronormative spaces as an aro/ace person becomes an emotional wound that people (sometimes even I) brush off. Add on top of that the belated awakening to being aro/ace. People, even if they're coming from a place of good intent, can be very dismissive. It's been, thus far, a very alienating life experience. Lol
Edit: Noyeol confirms he's ace. Noa, Boguk, and Sujo seem to agree? But after finishing the story, I'd say between aromanticism and asexuality, the former was a bigger issue for Hyung. And I felt that. In a way I still haven't accepted I am aro bc of my idea of the way the world should be. Was my idea of the way the world /a person should be imposed upon me? Probably? Is it something I've made my own because I haven't accepted myself? Probably, yes. Do I still insist on it? Also, yes.
Anyway, onto the story:
This is a story bigger than trauma, bigger than abuse. Hyung always had this coming for him, not the kidnapping, not the rape, but the undoing of one's own world to build a new one. Not minimizing the trauma that Noyeol's crime had caused, but taking some distance and looking at it from a bigger perspective, it was what essentially triggered Hyung to make necessary changes in his life. Does that make the rape/kidnapping necessary? Of course not.
This to me is a story about breaking the illusion. The illusion being the front we put on, whether to fulfill an expectation (by the society, our family, or our own self), or to belong in a world we made up out of fear, comfort, or loneliness. That illusion is constant with all of the characters, sujo was trying to fill up the shoes of the good son, boguk was making himself small/not acting on his desires so he could remain a "victim", noa was trying to build a "stable" life, noyeol was trying to be hyung's savior out of his supposed love for hyung, and hyung was just trying to belong to the same world as others, not seeking to dig deep within himself even if he felt different, and I'm guessing it's because of his fear of abandonment. Boy was willing to go with his abuser because he was the only one who "needed" him alone.
Gosh I want to expound on this thought but I keep losing the words. Maybe later.
Edit: Noyeol was an illusion to Hyung. Noyeol, the younger brother of his girlfriend, Noyeol the helpless child whom Hyung could play hero to, Noyeol who kidnapped and raped Hyung, Noyeol whom Hyung risked his life for, Noyeol whom Hyung had plans on staying with.
I think it's safe to say I've come to the same conclusions dealing with my personal trauma. The betrayal lingered the longest. "How could they have done that to me? I was kind/loyal/generous/insert positive adjective here, etc/ to them! How could they throw away years-worth of bond/fondness/trust/etc. and betray me like that?" There were a lot of those. A lot of trying to understand WHY. Because it doesn't make sense. And, even if you try to become the bigger person while seeking answers, putting yourself in the shoes of the person who did what to you, at the end of the day, it still wouldn't make sense. You're only trying to come up with reasons why you deserved what was done to you. At the end of the day, it wouldn't make sense because there's no sensible reason to hurt another person like that, no sensible reason for someone to go through the physical torture, and then the agony that follows thereafter.
And because it was done by someone you knew, someone you cared about, someone you were fond of, you're not only pushed to move away from that trauma, but also from that person himself, and most importantly, from yourself as well...the you who shared a time with that person... I personally made a lot of progress realizing that what I was grieving wasn't the relationship that got destroyed after the fact but rather the old version of me who was innocent, hopeful, trusting, loving, open.
In the same sense for hyung, he attached a lot lot his identity on Noyeo, perhaps more than he realized. And having to completely erase Noyeol's existence for that one thing he did seemed like such a loss...after all, to Hyung, those times with Noyeol were probably some of the best times of his life, or were some of the times when he felt the most sense of belonging. He had to let go of all that Noyeol was to him, all the HE was to Noyeol and HIMSELF, so he could start again.
I love the insight on idols. The author must have done hella research on fandom culture or might be in one herself. Also, is ml is coming off as an INTP idk asdafsa
I didn't like the artstyle at first, but it occurred to me they're drawn the way idols are depicted in fanarts lolll. So if they artist intended it to be that way then props to them.
Also, even though I like a few groups, I've never really liked idol bls. idky. But I can do with this. It's refreshing but at the same time, I'd much rather read this when it's completed instead of waiting every week.
Normie just did reverse childbirth. Wtf was that. Only his face is plain. His appetite for sex is something else.
And almost all the comments (in korean) were saying go-getter ml is better than gido bc their friendship was more important than the potential relationship they could have. I saw everyone despite being pro-Gido acknowledge ml and move on, and I felt like fish out of water. This is the part where everybody moves on from Gido??? And I'm over here, logically knowing all roads leading to Gido as a romantic partner are now closed (let's be fr I knew from the beginning it wasn't gonna be him) but still rooting for him in my heart. In the sense of "look at what could have been" fhdjjsksd and that hits me deep in the heart in a way that main couple hasn't. Like. I'm almost sure from hereon no matter what happens in this story that I'll love Gido (and their non-existent romantic possibility) the most.
Idk if I'm a real yearner, a real foolish yearner, or just a Pisces.