it's just so weird that sometimes i feel this need to be perceived. like i understand that we're social creatures who crave attention by design, but i believed myself to be above those earthly instincts.
i could make one of the coolest origami pieces I've found, and it's not like i don't enjoy the process, or that no one gets to see it, but some...... 3 reply
I cleared my medical entrance exams, and will probably get a good college in my state. I remember posting a lot about it here, and getting lots of encouragement and support from you guys, so thank you guys fr ♡♡
i did all this while suffering through a burnout, depression, anxiety, all while not sacrificing sleep and also attending social eve...... 5 reply
as a first year who's considering dropping out myself, understandable tbh. the syllabus is vast, time is so little, and it seriously is so much studying. I've been skipping way too many lectures, and my marks are so low i might be held back this year.
honestly tho, no one can tell you what to do or not to do. but if you make a decision think about ...... reply
college is soo fucking exhausting i barely get time for anything else, plus the constant imposter's syndrome, my own lack of discipline and back to back tests, plus we don't even get saturdays off. I'd do anything to just have saturdays off man. 1 reply
not my thing, if it's cool with the people involved who am i to judge.
there's something to be said about polygamy, specifically polygyny in specific regarding certain religious and cultural minorities that is inherently unfair to the women mostly, but that's a separate conversation imo.
also i feel like when people online are being too supportive ...... reply
taller than me, masc. patient with my mental health issues, not too condescending about my low intellect, maybe a little possessive, is that problematic idk. 1 reply
i was talking to this trans girl online for months, we used to chat about normal stuff, college, life. we recently did an audio call and like- she was talking about really uncomfortable things, which idk how I'm supposed to feel about, but it took me a few days to figure out i am disturbed regardless. she was talking about chastity belts/ cock cages. it actually sprung up out of nowhere, and then sex and related topics. i wasn't ready, i thought it would be a light conversation. at the time it didn't register, but it's been feeling so wrong recently. so i confronted her about it on text. but i feel like I've done something wrong and that i have some internalized transphobia. am i being overly sensitive? i don't know any other trans girls, so anyone over here could you please educate me whether chastity belts are like something you guys casually talk about, cause before this i thought it was purely a bdsm thing (something im vehemently repulsed by and against firmly)
there's big friend groups already, and it's not like i on't socialize, but I'm not in said friend group. i have 2 friends, one of them is an annoying kpop stan who thinks stanning bts is the peak of activism (i used to be like that too sadly ) and the other uses chatgpt to find out things that she could easily google
on top of that, i have males coming up to me because i have accidentally ended up becoming close friends with the most attractive women in our batch, these 2 and 2 other people i earlier performed on stage with, and i guess they wanna befriend me to date them. which like i don't want that.
there's no one queer here, the atmosphere is pretty homophobic, I'm probably the only transmasc. people have come from such sheltered rural lives here that I genuinely get asked "why is your hair that short" and "why do you dress like that", forget them clocking me as transmasc they cannot even comprehend my existence.
i don't wanna be here. I'd rather have ended up in a private med college, atleast the people there wouldn't be so primitive idek. i sound so privileged and annoying complaining about something like this but im tiredddd
i think ironically the only thing going semi good rn for me is living alone and studies.
im not native to the area i live, I've lived here my whole life but didn't have to speak much of the native language here. i can understand it, read it, even speak it, but it takes me time to process it, i can't converse in it fluently.
and i never faced a language barrier in school because it was a rich ppl private school, but im now in a government medical college and i get deliberately excluded from conversations, ignored, unheard for not speaking their language. im trying but it's hard.
plus this place is full of raging homophobia and transphobia, people are already questioning my masc appearance and idk how long i have till i start getting targeted for it.
i just wanna get my mbbs degree and get out of this country man. i don't wanna deal with idiots. all I've done today is an unsuccessful driving lesson, and crying. everyone is sick at home and I'm supposed to be the responsible one today. what the fuck is life
we have a celebration outing thing from my local coaching, for the students who made it. it's a full day 12 hours thing. i came back from an 8 day outing like- day before yesterday, my muscles haven't recovered from that yet, I'm in genuine pain, and my family is forcing me to go, saying it's a good opportunity.
i never made friends with those people, they're still always talking about studies and stuff, just cleared neet ug and they're already taking about colleges for pg (which will be after they finish the degree they haven't started yet). meanwhile i still haven't properly researched the colleges I'm applying for in under a month
how the hell am i supposed to survive these awkward 12 hours? i feel like being on my phone for almost all the time there will be rude, but like can i do anything else? I've genuinely never talked to anyone there except for the two times i went for celebration parties at different centres.
did liked someone i shouldn't like
did liked someone i shouldn't like
