fromfg

I’m obsessed with the idea that Garam isn’t a genius, especially when compared to the musical freaks of nature that are Heejae’s other students, and then of course against the wicked maestro himself. Or at least not a typical genius. I can’t wait to see how the author continues to develop this and its importance, if at all. Garam, although not what the others are, managed to retain something that none of them have, which is his self in music in relation to Heejae the “ultimate genius.” It also adds another layer of complexity to Garam, his relationship (both romantic and mentorship) with Heejae, and to music/the music industry as a whole. Especially bc now we’re grappling with the reality of natural plateaus in development and the never ending strive towards more in all senses (artistically, personally, professionally, etc.).

When we think about Heejae’s protégées, Choi Yerim of course lost not only the love for music but struggles with her mental health and reconciling who Heejae is in relation to her bc of his cruel teachings and back and forth behaviors. Kruger is adamantly and actively turning his back on all that Heejae taught him on top of having mental health/addiction issues that stem from his self worth in relation to his sound and Heejae (of which I’m so incredibly happy to see how much better he is!!and how he’s come back to music and his sound and performing in his own way with his own motivations!!) Compton literally turned his back on performing himself and seemed to have modeled himself the closest to Heejae by turning to conducting, as in instructing and molding others’ sound into what he wants it to be (and I can’t wait for that bomb to explode because oh man, it’s gonna be nasty and level everything!but the aftermath will be phenomenal im sure bc the author has proved themselves to be of such brilliance im just in awe. The level of craziness it’s brought out in me…….)

Of the whole of them, Garam has shown that he’s the strongest, even without being a brilliant spectacular supernova as the others are. Besting even Heejae, because his love for music and his singular sound has not only survived the voracious purposeful cruelty of Heejae that has warped all the other and even Heejae himself, but in turn even opened a facet of Heejae that he had willingly destroyed. Garam stood against Heejae and won, basically.

He turned to Heejae and showed who he was and continued as he is, yes of course improving and taking in Heejae’s lessons and critiques and his own self motivation to be better, but took a part of Heejae too in the midst of all this. It’s so beautiful and so striking for the author to do this because it showed the brilliance of music and also of Garam. A genius can be many, many things and we tend to have a stereotypical parameter for what we label “genius” (for example Naeun can and is labeled a genius and yet we already know what Heejae thinks of her of course) but sometimes, there are people who are singular and defy these structures. We find ourselves turning to them because we can’t help it. They bring something forward for us to experience that we may have never known before. Garam carries something in him that transcends typical genius labels and it’s why others who are labeled this can’t look away much less turn away. He broadens and opens up to them and brings them in, the depth and power of a black hole. Seemingly nothing until you’re in the midst of it and only then can its magnitude be truly appreciated.

It could be argued that Heejae is blinded by affection (or shall we say…love…?) but if we really think about, he was captivated by Garam’s sound before he even knew him. From that first listen of Jeux D’eau he couldn’t look back and this was when Garam was at his most amateur and raw. Now that he’s building experience and become more complex and adding further nuance…oh man we’re so done for lol but Heejae especially is truly and unavoidably fucked beyond measure lmao

We can all understand Garam’s point of view in this new turning point in their relationship (and in themselves) but I think we can also understand Heejae’s. To care for others doesn’t seem like it’s something natural to Heejae, and it can look like/feel like diminishing or being minimized when Garam wants to spread himself farther and wider. But I think they’re both approaching this from their own wells of insecurity. Heejae from his tyrannically control and fear of himself and abandonment. Garam from his understanding that he isn’t the “typical” “genius” student like those that predate him and the looming shadow of the “true commanding genius” that is Heejae. They’re so twisted up in each other that if they stepped back a bit, a lot of things would get clearer, even if it hurts.

Thank you so much Sage!!

And here we go. The nuclear explosion that levels everything, that exposes the veins, the very core of the earth. The imagery is astounding. The fear and pain and sorrow and anger. The ruined sanctuary that is Garam’s soul… this was never going to be easy, much less smooth either, and I’m pretty sure it never will be. But someone like Heejae needs Garam, needs that strong, steady stream of purity that will always run inside him. This moment showed us, even when his heart has been ripped out and he’s been flayed to the bone the sound continues. Garam will best Heejae in this bc it’s something in his very being, which is so clear to him now and something he has come to be grateful for and accept. This is why Heejae is so afraid. He knows he carries it too but is afraid to confront it. He’s been trying to build a dam and dry it out and he was almost successful until Garam came to his attention and that was it. It’s almost impossible to stop a spring. The building pressure will always be trying to find an outlet. The only thing now will be for Heejae to accept and we all know that won’t be easy. He’ll be terrible and painful and torturous before he succumbs. But when he does he will tremble before Garam, bc in my mind Garam is the stronger of the two. How brilliant, how beautiful. I keep telling myself I’m going to wait and let the chapters build up…lmao…