fromfg's Topics (34)

I’m obsessed with the idea that Garam isn’t a genius, especially when compared to the musical freaks of nature that are Heejae’s other students, and then of course against the wicked maestro himself. Or at least not a typical genius. I can’t wait to see how the author continues to develop this and its importance, if at all. Garam, although not what the others are, managed to retain something that none of them have, which is his self in music in relation to Heejae the “ultimate genius.” It also adds another layer of complexity to Garam, his relationship (both romantic and mentorship) with Heejae, and to music/the music industry as a whole. Especially bc now we’re grappling with the reality of natural plateaus in development and the never ending strive towards more in all senses (artistically, personally, professionally, etc.).

When we think about Heejae’s protégées, Choi Yerim of course lost not only the love for music but struggles with her mental health and reconciling who Heejae is in relation to her bc of his cruel teachings and back and forth behaviors. Kruger is adamantly and actively turning his back on all that Heejae taught him on top of having mental health/addiction issues that stem from his self worth in relation to his sound and Heejae (of which I’m so incredibly happy to see how much better he is!!and how he’s come back to music and his sound and performing in his own way with his own motivations!!) Compton literally turned his back on performing himself and seemed to have modeled himself the closest to Heejae by turning to conducting, as in instructing and molding others’ sound into what he wants it to be (and I can’t wait for that bomb to explode because oh man, it’s gonna be nasty and level everything!but the aftermath will be phenomenal im sure bc the author has proved themselves to be of such brilliance im just in awe. The level of craziness it’s brought out in me…….)

Of the whole of them, Garam has shown that he’s the strongest, even without being a brilliant spectacular supernova as the others are. Besting even Heejae, because his love for music and his singular sound has not only survived the voracious purposeful cruelty of Heejae that has warped all the other and even Heejae himself, but in turn even opened a facet of Heejae that he had willingly destroyed. Garam stood against Heejae and won, basically.

He turned to Heejae and showed who he was and continued as he is, yes of course improving and taking in Heejae’s lessons and critiques and his own self motivation to be better, but took a part of Heejae too in the midst of all this. It’s so beautiful and so striking for the author to do this because it showed the brilliance of music and also of Garam. A genius can be many, many things and we tend to have a stereotypical parameter for what we label “genius” (for example Naeun can and is labeled a genius and yet we already know what Heejae thinks of her of course) but sometimes, there are people who are singular and defy these structures. We find ourselves turning to them because we can’t help it. They bring something forward for us to experience that we may have never known before. Garam carries something in him that transcends typical genius labels and it’s why others who are labeled this can’t look away much less turn away. He broadens and opens up to them and brings them in, the depth and power of a black hole. Seemingly nothing until you’re in the midst of it and only then can its magnitude be truly appreciated.

It could be argued that Heejae is blinded by affection (or shall we say…love…?) but if we really think about, he was captivated by Garam’s sound before he even knew him. From that first listen of Jeux D’eau he couldn’t look back and this was when Garam was at his most amateur and raw. Now that he’s building experience and become more complex and adding further nuance…oh man we’re so done for lol but Heejae especially is truly and unavoidably fucked beyond measure lmao

We can all understand Garam’s point of view in this new turning point in their relationship (and in themselves) but I think we can also understand Heejae’s. To care for others doesn’t seem like it’s something natural to Heejae, and it can look like/feel like diminishing or being minimized when Garam wants to spread himself farther and wider. But I think they’re both approaching this from their own wells of insecurity. Heejae from his tyrannically control and fear of himself and abandonment. Garam from his understanding that he isn’t the “typical” “genius” student like those that predate him and the looming shadow of the “true commanding genius” that is Heejae. They’re so twisted up in each other that if they stepped back a bit, a lot of things would get clearer, even if it hurts.

Thank you so much Sage!!

And here we go. The nuclear explosion that levels everything, that exposes the veins, the very core of the earth. The imagery is astounding. The fear and pain and sorrow and anger. The ruined sanctuary that is Garam’s soul… this was never going to be easy, much less smooth either, and I’m pretty sure it never will be. But someone like Heejae needs Garam, needs that strong, steady stream of purity that will always run inside him. This moment showed us, even when his heart has been ripped out and he’s been flayed to the bone the sound continues. Garam will best Heejae in this bc it’s something in his very being, which is so clear to him now and something he has come to be grateful for and accept. This is why Heejae is so afraid. He knows he carries it too but is afraid to confront it. He’s been trying to build a dam and dry it out and he was almost successful until Garam came to his attention and that was it. It’s almost impossible to stop a spring. The building pressure will always be trying to find an outlet. The only thing now will be for Heejae to accept and we all know that won’t be easy. He’ll be terrible and painful and torturous before he succumbs. But when he does he will tremble before Garam, bc in my mind Garam is the stronger of the two. How brilliant, how beautiful. I keep telling myself I’m going to wait and let the chapters build up…lmao…

Now all that’s consuming my thoughts is the beginning of this USA arc bc thinking back on it, after Heejae blows up his whole fucking career and the reputation he’s built (FOR GARAM), the first thing he does is stop by with Garam in tow to visit the literal founder of Gaeum one of the most famous Korean universities/conservatory who also happens to be his /first/ music teacher/mentor. Like, he is literally demonstrating to Garam his lineage and pedigree in the most overt way possible and implying; “yes my reputation and career may be tarnished but that has never mattered to me bc /LOOK/ at what made me and where I’m coming from.” Heejae then proceeds to continue peacocking to Garam by showing off the breadth and depth of his talent and connections via his homes and the sheer joy of others at his return to the stage even if they may despise him as a person.
He is performing and touring at the most important and relevant venues in North America if not the world (which sell out for him!) with hundreds upon hundreds showing up to listen to his sound and yet here is Garam rejecting him outright and that is unfathomable. His nasty little remark when he makes Garam get off in the rain “everything worth seeing is right here anyway” in regards to the art museum where some of the most influential and monumental artworks are displayed as opposed to poor little him and his concert.This coming from the man who cries at the thought of not leaving behind a record, a legacy of brilliance long after he’s gone. It’s his biggest fear and most profound nightmare, the sound that is reaching out may never touch its twin flame, may never ring out for others to encounter its beauty forever.
They both want Garam to listen but are afraid bc deep down, they know what it means when he finally does. No turning back, no holds barred. lol they’re so fucked! Heejae’s breakdown is magnificent! Drinking in your sad lonely room (when Garam used to be just there if you stretched your arm a little, on the sofa) listening to the song that proved to you that you do have a kindred soul, someone who understands the way you do… so of course Garam is going to lash out at someone who he deems irrelevant attempting to diminish who his literal soulmate is. Lmao they have the same sound! A sound you can’t even hear bc you’re not even on the same planet! A sound that can be heard even at his most weak, “when he doesn’t have full control of his body” and the sound is all for Garam! Neither of them can stand anything diminishing the other, not even themselves! Also That beautiful dream of that drop of sound, the essence of being, cradled in Garam’s palm in a water lily pond………..speechless omg……….
I’m so curious to know how Kruger is going to play into all of this bc this is now the third time that he becomes noticeable (someone in the party when Heejae is staring at Garam drinking says “you don’t see Kruger much these days”) and he’s now listened to Garam’s sound and definitely knows Heejae’s.

(Sorry again for the wall of text, need to get these thoughts out, I fear these may keep coming until it’s over but I may run out of steam before then…I’ve never been so happy to be literate before…stay in school friends…the humanities ARE relevant…never kill yourself lmaoooo)

jesus christ…oh my god….the imagery…”I told you I’m drunk” meaning I’m not in control meaning I can’t hold back meaning I’m vulnerable meaning I’m tender in this moment…
wow

HOLY SHIT I FEEL SO VINDICATED OH MY GOD

I’m obsessed with this little Cold War they have going on bc once it’s over, once the explosion happens, they’re never gonna be the same again. Mainly because (maybe unconsciously?) Kim Heejae also wants Garam to /know/ bc for someone to listen to your sound, really really listen and understand which we know Garam will lol, is to /KNOW/ them. Heejae basically felt a sense of self, of a soul inside the same fire that he lives in himself, when he first heard Garam’s sound. Hence the obsession and tenacity and all the nastiness and hurt and inability to let go of him, everyone else and all the consequences be damned. I really think that their sound is the same or at the very least shades of the same color and when they both reconcile this fact it’s gonna be the end. They’ll never be able to be apart from one another, they’ll be entwined forever bc not it’s not just Heejae molding Garam (which is also inherently, and a lot of the time without meaning to, into something similar or in the shape of the instructor) but now they’re going to become symbiotic (my theory is cannibalistically symbiotic bc they’re true freak4freak in my headcanon lol). Heejae feeds of Garam’s inner purity and clear beauty, Garam sharpens off of Heejae’s worldliness (they way his approach has deepened from viewing the paintings and being exposed to other kinds of music like jazz and then the socialization aspect w the drinks and dining) and single minded tenacity (memorizing pieces in few weeks, striving towards technical mastery to augment his thematic and stylistic inherent traits). Garam is going to be shocked into another dimension (in my humble opinion) when he also feels the tenderness present in Heejae’s sound. The door will be blown the fuck open and whatever scar they left on each other will now have a never ending depth, impossible to be sewed shut and turned away from.
Heejae is hurt by Garam turning away, he can bitch about acoustics and experience all he wants, truth is he unconsciously is craving the awe that Garam may have from his sound (aka who he is). They’re both discovering new facets of each other now that they’re living together and it’s impossible for them to get over it lol they’re both boiling with the want to just fall into the abyss together and get it over with.
(yes…sorry I know this is insane lmao but I feel insane bc of how phenomenal this is it triggered my literary analysis mode, obsessed doesn’t even begin to cover it omg I needed to get these thoughts out of my system sorry guys…I could of course also be totally monumentally wrong but well that’s the fun of it too isn’t it?)

This is so phenomenal I fell ill… I feel insane…manic…holy shit what a brilliant story…

God…chapter 138 is such a magnificent chapter… the ache and yearning and pain and bitterness all tied around such a deep, true love…

Jesus Christ that ending…

I wonder how they reconnected considering the age when Sumino split w his wife and then their age in the ending. But wow the ending hit me clean in the gut damn

Oh wow shuraka’s tattoo that covers his scars? Interesting…