babao

I feel like I'm going to throw up from stress each arc. I just need to know when the princess faces her ultimate karma.

All I want the family back happy together. The duke spent 10 years in war, not seeing his daughter grew up and having to witness his own son face war at 10 years old along with him instead of training him to rule their estate and making their economy prosper and citizens happy.

Also I have cannot even remember anyone's names because the translation keeps changing everything that I've lost track

A prerequisite to go to space was those who were diagnosed with chronic depression. In the first place both Sahan and Philip were already at vulnerable mental states functioning in two different directions. Sahan's mental breakdown was dissociation, avoidance, and negligence whereas Philip's was mania and the other spectrum of extremes. Both of them trauma bonded when they were left lost in space, a circumstance so daunting that it would have rewired your entire psychology. Stuck in a small floating piece of metal with just one other human being, stuck in an environment where time is irrelevant and seemingly infinite with no way of telling of when you could age or die, stuck in between time that feels so close to immortality until you take the initiative to kill yourself. These people leaned onto each other not knowing they're both worn down pillars barely supporting the ceiling above them.

But the thing is, you can never hold the other accountable for the other's mental recovery. That is what family, professional psychiatrists, and medications are for. Your trauma bonding can get you the empathy that make you feel understood, but they aren't equipped or in the position to make you recover or get out of that moment because they're also stuck in that trauma. Sahan does mention this early on, saying that he can't be the one Philip keeps clinging onto because Sahan was distancing himself from what he's observed. He can see it because there is a support system around him ground him. Heegeon was able to ground him. Whereas Philip had no one. He and his family still kept their bets on Sahan to be the one to bring Philip out of that bubble. But you just can't put that kind of responsibility or hope in someone who isn't licensed to do that role.

Sahan is able to laugh and smile because Heegeon is a straightforward and sincere guy, he's always transparent of his intentions and affections, it saves Sahan the energy from overthinking, it saved Sahan the burden of having to walk on eggshels around someone. Heegeon is able to provide that safe space where Sahan doesn't have to he on high alert or dissociate.

It's just really miserable. To feel that things are finally piecing themselves together, slowly healing, and then this happens. You can never blame the one who passed, but it certainly doesn't change the heavy burden left behind. Sahan will end up bearing that heavy burden in his heart like a crucifix. The unspoken self-inflictef responsibility will resurface and he will continuoudly blame himself for what has happened, the worst part is that there is nothing he could do to bring back someone dead. But I know that Heegeon is someone who perseveres and breaks the walls, and time will let such perseverance shine. Heegeon will reach Sahan again the next time Sahan distances himself, and one day Sahan will also learn to let go of the self-inflicted guilt over Philip's death.

We can't really say Sahan was at fault just because he decides not to go, he said he'd still visit next month if he could. As a reader we knew his reason for staying. But Philip doesn't. If Sahan had an emergency, wouldn't it have been valid? Either way Philip had chosen to end his life regardless of Sahan's justification. Sahan's absence, irrelevant of the reason, would have caused Philip's end. And we have no right to say if Sahan was truly justified or not, because Philip had chosen his course of action irrelevant to Sahan's reason.

We also cannot fault Heegeon for pleading. Some may not think their relationship is as significant as Philip and Sahan's trauma bonding, but remember that Heegeon and Sahan spend their childhood together, more so that Heegeon's entire life has included Sahan. He was practically an extension of their soul and heart. Born on the same day, years apart, as if one was just waiting for the moment to finally meet the other. It'd also the same with childhood friends, I am sure plenty here have become so close to their platonic best friends that they yearn for a future of being together even if you and they make their own families. For Heegeon, it was the same and to the next level, he truly yearned for Sahan romantically, platonically, and everything under the sun. He loved him with all his heart too, and it isn't so wrong to plead someone you love to stay - you may think that it is just a flight trip, but you can never know. Plane crashes also happen, car accidents happen, any accidents happen. We cannot blame Heegeon for being afraid, Sahan was once declared dead and escaping 'death' twice is no simple feat. Sahan returning was already a miracle that Heegeon would never take for granted.

In the end, it's important that if we have loved ones deeply struggling, giving them professional help is most equipped and ideal. These people are licensed and trained professionals who can provide the right treatment, timeline, and medications to help them. But as regular people, we are not equipped to carry this responsibility nor can we actually assure ourselves we won't slip into the same mania and depression. People with deep empathy can also absorb such heavy responsibility that they end up emulating and truly living in it instead of merely understanding it. At the same time, it's important to take care of yourself and distancing yourself from situations you know is too much for you to bear alone.