Rose's Manga

That was actually super good.

So, hmm.. I kinda wanna do a life update but maybe next time when everything has settled down. Life is chaotic.. somehow I find nyself busy nowadays. It's wild. I guess this is life update .. anyway. I guess, I'm really transitioning to adulthood. I am 24 so.. I do need to get my bearings but yeah.. sometimes, I feel insecure cause of my age.. but when I really think about it, I don't really care much if they were to speak of it in ny face. I wouldn't change my life for them.

When I feel insecure I always think of that. Would I trade lives? Probably not. Anyone would be lucly to have my life. Even if I feel like everything is unstable and something could topple this lifestyle in an instant, I wouldn't trade it.

I guess, I feel everything is unstable because nothing is mine. I only have myself and my strong love for comfort lol, which proves to be a bit of an headache when you want to be successful in the material sense. Sometimes, I don't want anything but wifi and food to live. Other times, I feel something akin to a stomachache thinking about everything I could have been. But, it's getting quite better nowadays. Cause I realize it's okay. Once I started to think that that feeling only comes up when I think of how other views me I immediately stop myself because my life shpuldn't be lived for others ease. It is not for other's comfort. I am alive for me. I shouldn't have to explain to them. They don't have to explain to me.

Yesterday, I rode with someone on the way back home. There were three passengers and the one beside me I feel lives nearby like.. 5 houses away (i don't really know anyone. Even though I lived here all my life) anyway apparently the other person. An older auntie. Know me and my last name. And was asking about where I am at in my life. And at one point, I was about to answer. Like I am obliged. I have to. And then, I stopped myself. I-

Cause I really didn't want to answer that. And that should be enough reason for me. I should not feel guilty of not sharing my personal information to someone I don't even know. Regardless of how old and how they know me.

Sometimes, I feel guilty cause it's not much to answer but .. how would I benefit from them knowing anything about me? Is what I think. Am I going to be a topic in between them eating snacks then?

Idk it's rather complicated in my mind. I am raised a people pleaser haha. Even though I tried my best and looked up how to be a better advocate for myself I still end up getting lost.

But I truly think I am better. I don't strain myself now for other people. Not as much as before at least.

But I am much much better now. I feel like I bave changed. It's kind of crazy. I'm thankful I had the time to heal. I really am thankful I had time to tackle things within myself.

I will continue to do so now. I think, what I am trying to say was that now that I've tackled a chunk of my issues.. I now have room to tackle real life battles.

I can't explain how cool this is for me. Like I'm truly awed at how I am pacing. How lucky. I am so privileged lol. I hope people are able to experience life like mine. I hope at some point they have no worried other than themselves. Not having to worry what to eat. Or if they'll still have a roof over their heads.

Whenever I am in cafes and eating out. And like I am the only customer I would think that people should be able to eat out. And then, I realized recently people don't have to eat out just to say life is blissful. And I should wake up to reality. Lol. That's why I am making these monumental changes (it's really not much but I just like the drama... i live for the dramatics... or I just get my fill in the stories I read) so yeah.. I wonder what my last life update was like lol. Aug 19, 2023 10:03am 15%

THIS WAS FREAKIN AMAZING HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAH


took my mind off a lot things. My ghad I love this HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THEM.. THANK YOU.. because of how unserious this was the world doesnt seem unsettling now... aug 11 2023

I want to write a review but it's 6am and I haven't slept yet. We're going to and I havent slept also WTF I unconsciously unplygged my phone huhu it's still at 49% anyway, this wa sso nice but I think is hould take a bath before I do anything else.. this is gonna be a long day.. I wish I had sleep but I had somuch fun reading..also, it's so weird. My day to day has been so weird. Feels weird. Everything is STRANGE yeah thats the qord. Life is good and yet it's unfulfilling. It's peaceful and yet why do I feel like is something looming over my life. I feel like either am not seeing something or like I am being watched or I have a gut feeling that something that my life is somehow gonna turn bad. Idk idk.. maybe it's because I havent slept well that my anxiety is acting up.


It is actually making me anxious. I should sleep well so I don't experience these things again. I should do myself better. I did. But I always slip and fall on to the same crippling habit of reading. I love reading though. But it is crippling. Maybe because I don't really talk much. That I find everything weird. I feel like my life is not what I want it to be. I bought hmm 12 albums recently... and it was not as fun anymore. It was fun but then somehow my feelings just numbs itself. Like an emptiness. Did I just do retail therapy. I'm not rich tho. I feel bad for my dad. How irresponsible self!. Anyway,.. uhm I truly do feel empty right now. It's so weird. What are other words... uhh strange. I suddenly remember a word I learned before.. i feel like it was unwonted.. was it? I don't even know the meaning of it now. It jusg popped in my mind. I'm so talkative. This is me tryna reach my word count so I don't rot my brain because of being unsociable. (I unconsciously unplugged my dang chafger again its still on 49)

I guess humans do need to find reason to live. I love my life and I truly wanna live like this forever but a certain emptiness is gnawing my brain. Like a toothless granma lol. What visual is that. I don't know what it is I'm tryna say .. I just wanna linger on this because I might be able to land what I was tryna pinpoint..

But idk idk idk idk idk....

All I can think about is.. this is weird.. it's like I am not in my present.. right.. it does feel like I am not .. like there's this toothless granma tryna make me get away. Idk idk idkkkkkk.. unsettling.. uhh.


I should go oht more often. I feel like just being in my room is making me insane..


Am I havung midlife crisis??