I don’t really know if this is what you describe as depression, but it sure as hell feels like it.
It’s been eating at me for a couple of months and a lot of things are tearing away at my mentality. First off, I’m that one person who will laugh a lot, joke around, and act like they couldn’t give two shits about the world. Like an airhead I’d say. I’m in school so I get pretty good grades actually, but I think it’s just my social and domestic life that’s been fucking me over.
When I’m alone, I feel extremely tired and just so empty. Im finding lots of ways to distract myself but it only distracts me for so long and it doesn’t get any better.
I try to hang out with people so it distracts me from this emptiness I’ve been feeling. I’m trying to be more productive but at the end of the day I still feel like falling apart. I’m doing whatever I can to get my mind off this like I’m trying to do more hobbies like learning guitar, taking care of a plant, more chores on a daily basis, and even some art but it’s not working.
Like in these episodes of absolute shit I stress over the myself and personality and my persona and appearance and all the scary shit that can happen to me.
I’m a bitch. I say that as a joke infront of people, but in reality I’m a mega bitch. I’m so fucking fake that I hate it. I act friendly to the people that mostly like hate me. I’m fake to people that think that they can use me. I’m definitely fake to people who are friends with my enemies.
I’m also so stressed on everything I do infront of people. I have to watch what I say infront of people just in case if they use it against me, watch which people I hang out with, people I text, I’m even wary of my own friends who i truly want to trust.
I’m paranoid of the people and what they say about me behind my back, good or bad. I just fucking want to talk freely without worry and do whatever I want, act however I want and not be fucking judged for once.
Problem actually starts with my parents. They fucked me over so many fucking times. They call it tough love, I fucking call it mental abuse. I have 0 self esteem, confidence, and any self awareness because of everything they insult me for on a daily fucking basis. I used to cry to it and now I’m like fuck it I’m used to it. And when I say I have no self esteem they have the nerve to fucking ask me why.
One moment they’re calling me this horrible retarded ugly fatass and then they try to apologize for the fucking hours of humiliation by calling me pretty and how I ‘just need to work on things’
Fuck off.
Load of bullshit is what it all is. They judge me, they judge my friends, they dig into my social life. They call some of my friends losers and don’t want me associating with them just cause they’re not the popular kids. Fucks sake it’s all pissing me off just thinking about it. I had a best friend who I honestly loved and my parents want to talk shit about her and I just can’t fucking take it.
They ridicule me for the fake way I act around people WHO THEY SAID ARE WARY OF.
I LEARNED HOW TO BE FAKE FROM FUCKING THEM. THEYRE THE ONLY REASON WHY I ACT THIS WAY JESUS CHRIST.
I’m tired. I’m so fucking tired. I can’t cry anymore because this shit fucked me up so bad that I don’t get sad over this shit, just plain fucking angry.
I can’t eveb vent out to friends because I’m scared of their fucking judgement anyways since I’m just that one friend who has everything in the world and doesn’t have the ducking right to complain.
Fuck I’m tired but I can’t even fall asleep sometimes. Fucking hell, this is such a nightmare. I’m so damn tired...
It's my personal belief that talking with stragers, venting to strangers, over the internet is easier than talking with friends or family. In one case, you may never meet the person you explain your feelings to; in the other case, you will see the person you entrusted your explanation to daily or almost daily.
If you need someone to vent to, I'm really boring, have no life, and understand kind of where you're coming from.
Soon I'm going on anti-depressants so I understand to a certain degree how it feels to be eaten from within your own self doubt and lack of self worth.
I hope chatting with give you a chance to level your thoughts and vent your bottled up frustration.
I hope I can help of you're up to vent.
You're not alone on this and it's okay to vent out. I'm glad that you took the chance to spill what you wanted to say :). I could relate to what you said and even if I wasn't in the same situation as you, I'm literally questioning if I have depression too.
Honestly, I don't know what you should do but this is what I've done to overcome to fear of judgement from even the people my age that I grew up with, I just spat it all out. I found someone who could be reliable and would accept me and even for what I was thinking. Try pushing yourself out of your comfort. It's totally worth it.
I've been getting more ignorant to everything since I've gotten used to the things that was eating on me everyday. Don't run away and do what is needed for you. Do what you need to do for yourself. You'll be broken and pushed to a corner you've made for yourself. To end this, don't hurt yourself. You're beautiful and worth it. Don't run away and cry all you want. It's not bad to release anger, especially tears. Don't hurt yourself by leaving the scars in your heart open and prone to being opened again and again.
There's always someone who you could look up to, and rely on. And there's always someone to accept you.
I don't understand all your pain and I may not have gone through all that you've been through, but I accept you and I understand. I get it, I get what you're saying and I see your pain and your anger. Please recover yourself and treat yourself right because you're special.
Typically, I’m a passive person if I do say so myself. I do not try to initiate problems or situations that can get out of hand. But if I do not like you, and you do something or at least try to do something bad to me that concerns other people.
Best believe I will fuck your shit up in the future.
Ok, the situation is like this. Me and my friend, both liked this guy. Yeah, typical cliche. She told me first and I admit I was a little hurt because she was my friend and disappointed that she liked the same guy as me. Because she told me first so she didn’t know that I liked him as well I BACKED OFF!! LIKE A GOOD FRIEND CUZ I AINT TRYNA STEAL HER MAN. I supported her if she would ask him out like cool I guess I’ll just try to get over him. She confessed to him. Got rejected. She said they were still friends and didn’t seem too hurt about it. It was near the end of the year and he had to transfer schools the next year so I was a little sad. My other friend who knew that I liked him worked my up the courage to ask him out. Note, my self confidence is straight up zero and not enough to personally ask someone out myself. I was scared shitless. This would be the first time I asked someone out and here was the plan.
3 weeks before school ended. We have first period together, me and him. Right before class ended, I’d go up to him, say I like you, then dip the fuck outta there.
I did exactly that.
BUT THIS DUDE. JUST HAD TO GRAB ME RIGHT BEFORE I COULD RUN OUT THE DOOR AND SAY I LIKE YOU TOO OH MY GOD I HAD A HEART ATTACK.
He asked me to go out, I said yes, and this is where the problem started.
Let’s call the friend that liked him, Jessica. Nothing wrong with you Jessica’s out there it’s just a random name.
We dated, word spreads faster than the PLAGUE. Jessica finds out, pulls me aside. I know I’m fucked. She was like,”You’re dating(let’s call him adam) Adam?”
And in a shy voice I squeak out a yes. And then she was like,”You knew I liked him didn’t you?”
Ok, ok, ok. I get it. It was girl code. Don’t go after your friend’s crushes. I did not mean to date him. It was never my intention, it was to confess and have this burden off my shoulders while I graduate to next year.
I explain to her my situation. I told her that it was the heat of the moment and I’m constantly apologizing to her cuz I understand how hurt she must be. Then great timing, Adam comes in and asks for her consent and permission to date since we were all friends. The bitch said y e s.
Alright cool, we got to date for like three weeks. Until for the first week and a half. HOE MY GOD. Jessica goes around school. Telling people how much she’ll sabotage the relationship and how much she’ll break us apart. motherfuc-IF SHE DIDNT LIKE IT THEN DONT SAY YES TO CONSENT JESUS.
The people she told have personally come told me what her plan was and I was already starting to see it. She would always constantly flirt with Adam, getting in between us, trying to make me look like a dumbass in front of him. I played along because I knew there was ZERO chance of her ever coming in between us. I did all I could to retaliate against her. I cuddled with him in front of her, I always showed my affection especially in front of her, lol we even had our first kiss in front of her. Bitch was smiling but I could tell she was mad. The last day before we had to graduate, I confronted her about it. I showed her evidence, I reasoned with her that if she didn’t want us to be together because it made her uncomfortable then she’s could just said so from the beginning. I had all the evidence and witnesses yet she kept lying to my face. She made it obvious like I told her ‘people’ have been telling me and the fact that she’s pulled up the correct names proved to me that I was right.
Anyway, I was tired of her lies. Whatever. We graduate. I break it off with Adam on good terms and we go to date other people. Going into the new year I still have a grudge against Jessica. She still acts like my friend yes we play nice and what not.
My revenge was to make sure that none of her romance attempts were successful.
Beginning of the year, she likes this older guy. Not my type but I was petty and desperate. We had club together so I’d cut off her chances to talk to him and what not. Her small crush ended soon.
Next she had a group of friends with a guy she’s likes in it. Let’s call him Jacob. I was not apart of this friend group so I nuzzle up and befriend one of Jacob’s close friends and I instantly join the friend group. His friend was actually really nice so it wasn’t hard to befriend him and plus we all had similar interests anyway. Now that I’m done talking to the friend I talk to Jacob. He’sfairly quiet, but I make sure that he’s comfortable talking to me. I might not know Jacob as much as Jessica does but that doesn’t mean I can’t catch up. I make Jessica jealous as hell while I’m laughing with m her crush, being part of the friend group that she as originally in, and basically just ruining chances.
In the end, I made sure all her crushes ended in failure and if it was someone just as horrible as she is then I left it for her. Because horrible people should also date horrible people.
I don’t know if I went too far because all she did was scheme behind my back, spread bullshit, try to take my boyfriend, and lie right to my face but I’m pretty much destroying her whole love life.
Was I too much? Or too little? Or just about fair? Please tell me.
y'all should stay away from each other its evident that neither of you guys are real friends to. each other whether it was too much or too little doesn't matter because it happened i believe you should call it fair and depart
What I am about to write may seem petty but I am going to write it nonetheless based on what you have written. Jessica can not be characterised as the best friend that exists but what you did ... is like you being jessica but one thousand times worse. Not because you tried to take revenge but because there weren't any feelings from your side for the other.
BUT you shouldn't think too much about it now except if you want to make up with her. What done is done and overthinking it won't help . I just hope that you weren't completely caught up in your act of revenge and enjoyed your time( I'm only writhing this because your story is fast)
P.S. I don't know if you have stopped or not but you should stop. It's no longer worthy of your time. You have far more better things to focus on
! Have a nice day !
also if you nd adam broke it off on good terms and none of her attempts were successful i personally believe the 'revenge' wasn't necessary you should have just cut off a bad , scheming friend
That's a bit much. You guys (Adam and You) ended this off on good terms but I would still kinda hold a grudge on Jessica too if I were you. Doing it for the first time seemed fine but aren't you adding way too much effort? To this for every guy she crushed on? Try moving on, forget the issue.
You're an badass friend and I would love to have friends like you.
Well considering you're asking, I'm guessing you're aware you probably are going too far. I'd say, just stop being friends with her. And also you clearly have people skills, so I'd say to use that time and energy on something else more productive than your friend. It's really not worth it to keep going, especially if you already got your revenge.
Dang that was like a drama and shiz, but kyaaa that you and adam go together ε=ε=(ノ≧∇≦)ノ . But I think it maybe would have been a bit different if you had said you liked him too? Like if my friend likes the same guy as I do, I tell her so that there arn't any misunderstandings. But dang you guys shouldn't hang out with each other, it sounds hella toxic. She sounds like a really bad friend from what you're writing here. She's the kind of people you want to get as far away from as possible. Also you've gone a bit far, maybe it's time you guys part ways and it's a bit obssesive I think to keep focusing around her. I mean I get where it's coming from, like really, but you should move on.
You should have told her you liked the first dude but that you would let her try first and then you would go for it if it doesnt work for her.
The dude was transferring school, you both started a war for a three weeks possible relationship, it’s funny xD
I don’t think you ruined he love life, if all you did was flirt/talk to her crushes. If that’s all it takes for her to give up, she won’t get a boyfriend until she changes.
It was a bit much. It's one thing to do it once to a guy she likes because revenge is kinda nice, but to do it more than once? idk man, kinda sad on her part. hope you won't do it again because it's petty and you already got your revenge by like showing your affection towards in front of her
I wouldn't be her friend, and I'd do something with the other guys she had crushed on. Wreck that bitch!
i mean go ahead, no one's stopping you but i feel like you're wasting your time & effort into this "friend" of yours. don't stoop to her level. back off, forget her, move on, and find someone knew. i had a friend like that & she kinda ruined 2 years of my high school years. i just forgot about her and blocked her ass from my social media. people like them aren't worth it. but i feel like you are a tad vindictive and you should be careful with that trait. other than that, you sound like you had fun. that's all that matters lol
Well tbh that's too much. I would just advice to remove toxic people in your life. You're just like her immature, selfish and pathetic. You're ruining yourself just because of a person or a "friend" who doesn't even deserved you. If I were you, I would just confront her and cut ties with her or pretend she doesn't exist. Couldn't you be even more shallow?!
lol you turned into a bitch just cuz she wanted to be with your boyfriend, I think she outplayed
Damn sis, by tryna destroy a bitch's life, you yourself became a bitch. Calm yo tits and be the bigger person by letting it go and move on. The past is the past nigga, don't bring it back (〜￣△￣)〜
What are the unhealthy ways to lose weight? I’m going to diet and I basically know that starving yourself and throwing up are some of the ways but I kind of want to know more. What do people do to lose weight fast but is wrong?
Maybe I'm wrong and you're just curious, but how do we know you're not going to use those methods on yourself???
Purposefully get yourself heart broken. It’s the fastest and very healthy way to lose weight in my opinion.
Loosing weight unhealthy almoat allways results regaining the wait making it jarder to loose weight in the feture and over all sickness. Loose weight the right way!
Fasting, or water diet. Military diet.
Fasting will kill you.
Actually fasting doesn't kill you if you know what are you doing. Fasting can have a lot of benefits, including improved health, longevity, weight loss, etc. I believe this is bc when you eat 3-4 meals a day, your body has to work constantly to digest and convert the food to energy. But when you fast, your body has a chance to take a break and heal itself. This is actually the method our ancestors used back in the day where foods were not always available. There are different types of fasting too like intermittent fasting, one meal a day, and water fasting. I have seen some studies and experiments where this lady fasted for 21 days and she cured her cancer and this one guy on YouTube fasted for 7 days and he cured his back pain. Intermittent fasting is also very popular these days where people eat for 8 hours and fast for 16 hours.
I know water fasting is good, it helps you detox, but I'm talking about 2-3 days. Not almost a whole month. Most people who go through fasting don't know what they're doing. Also, water fasting isn't that good, you'll lose all the weight, but if you slip once you'll gain it back double.
I do agree Intermediate fasting is healthier and it works wonders from what I've seen.
I am simply curious because I have people telling me different things that I kinda doubt but I’m not sure
Okay... What are you not sure about? I just hope you don't try anything awful to try and lose weight fast. Please do a healthy diet. I don't know you, but the way you wrote your question really worried me. (^_^;;;)
i dont know about gaining back the weight, but I know fasting can reset your palate and cure sugar craving. Contradict to many people believe, after the fast, you can't binge eating right away bc your body will not be use to it. You have to eat liquid food first, like green juice or watermelon for a few day before moving on to solid food. At first, like most people, I thought people who fast are crazy bc it is like starving yourself to loose weight, but when I look at the study and stuff, it is actually fascinating. But overall, you have to listen to your body and know what you are doing.
Thank you for being informative, I actually appreciate it.
Also, I've wanted to try fasting and I had it in mind for so long, and still do, but the thought that something could go wrong really scares me. ╮(￣▽￣)╭
I know it's beneficial, but it's intimidating.
Fasting can for sure kill you if you don't know what your are doing. I'm pretty sure this person does not.
I do not condone starving yourself or forcing vomit just so you can lose weight. Rather I recommend just starting with eating at least the reccomended amount of calories per day to lose weight and some excercise. It does not even need to be strenuous, you can lose weight just walking. I'm im no way a professional and I believe an expert is even more helpful then a manga website. The methods above are dangerous and can be considered mentally ill, you can die if you do not know what you are doing. Just be safe and don't worry too much about your weight.
People say to just cut off water?? Which I’m seriously doubting since I do sports and work or and water is an essential to me
I know I'm just a nobody on the internet but don't do it. It's not worth it. I get that you wanna lose weight fast and easily, but even if you take such risks for your health and body and DO lose weight, you'll gain it all over again. You have to be consistent with and the best way is to exercise. I'm not saying go to the gym and shit like that because not everyone can afford it, me included, but you can try jogging whenever you can, eat more healthily, etc...
Forgot to mention that exercise expands SO much. You can dance if you're into that, join a swimming club or/and practice pretty much any sport you like. That way you'll enjoy what you're doing AND lose weight instead of feeling it's an obligation.
Lol tbh I’m just bored. There was this one time where I freaked out and thought I had a STI or specifically herpes on my labia when it was really just fordyce spots which I found out are completely natural.