like first this is the most peak shit ive ever read omg. second this really feels like its about addiction too. like i can relate it to my own experience so well its crazy. every dialogue feels like the same ones ive had with myself, and the one guy that tried to save me, and the excuses i keep making. It's so realistic its scary. like especially all the leash metaphors get me cuz it feels like having a collar and however you can get your fix has the leash. you think you're in control, but you're really not. jae hyuk talks to him like a drug. and depending on what ur on it rlly can be that unpredictable. you never know how the drugs are gonna treat you that day and you just have to try your best to make it work so you don't od. every time you get fucked over and can feel yourself breaking down, you still go back. every interaction with won il makes me feel bad for my friend that i put in his position. its too accurate cuz as much as he tried to save me and as much as i cried to him, we both knew that nothing would change until i decided to, so he rightfully left. even after i went to the hospital cuz of how much it had destroyed me, i didn't quit. the way hwang young tries to sheild won il from jae hyuk is more accurate than most actual allegories for addiction cuz i would never try to get someone i love into this shit. i know the ending is accurate i just haven't gotten there yet. the truth is it doesn't get better, it's never just one more, you never run out, YOU have to make the choice to leave. you'll fight yourself and everyone else just to stay with the drugs because you do love them. they'll convince you that you need them and you'll twist everything to fit their narrative. you'll convince yourself that their burning can compare to the warmth of a loved one. it felt like a love triangle between him, me, and amphetamine. i really did tell my closest friend that i loved amphetamines more than i loved him and i've felt horrible about it since. he said he'd be waiting for me when i got sober, but i have to do it. hwang young left cuz he couldn't put up with all of jae hyuk's manipulation and insanity, he was just lucky that won il still cared. i feel like that's the same for real life. i have to quit because i want to. if i do it for someone else, i'll just come running right back and start hiding it better. i miss my friend everyday, but im legit high af writing this. i need to come down and get rid of my stash and any way of accessing plugs. once i make that decision i can text him and see what happens and then i can finish this review too









son be a dentist