Joy's Topics (31)

they love eachother so much like ong

They really do and that’s why it’s heartbreaking that Garam is leaving but I hope this makes their relationship stronger… my anxiety is being tested rn

ikk :') but i'm not too worried, i'm sure they'll get back together, tho hopefully healthier

I mean Han Garam wasn't being really cruel there

cruel in the sense tht he was being blunt n not sugarcoating anything. obvs i don mean it literally

like atp i'm not even worried. i just hope no one touches garam

yesss I hope so cause that is a turn off for me I don't even know why but it's sad when that happens

**spoilers**



youngjo completely disappears after first arc and even grovels at the end, n compared to that prof continues to be toxic to garam even at 200 chaps soo

oh, i'm up to the latest ch dw. it's just tht youngjo's being brought up again so i also wanted to say smth abt him

tldr garam's a freak too

u js opened my 3rd 4th 5th and 6th eyes

and my ass

He definitely had that complex. And it'll be mentioned by other character, that garam only sees the good parts of someone, to a fault. And tbh garam isn't that nice of a person -- he KNOWS how ruined walter's life was because of heejae. He's dating heejae eventhough he knows that heejae had abused someone to the point where they can't even listen to rachmaninoff because it reminds them of heejae. Like....that's really something.

Yeah they’re both so toxic that they belong to each other so much hence why they are my otp (sorry Walter, you are loved but not deranged enough for this main couple. Also Walter, you’re a total bottom to me even if you dream of topping Garam sorry not sorry). I can’t help but think Garam’s need to feel special by being the only person to Heejae starts as a coping mechanism for the abuse he endures and the need for validation that he can find a life in piano along with the guilt of Heejae risking his hands to protect Garam. Then eventually it evolved to full blown obsession driven by his jealousy of Clarens and the isolation Garam faces in New York which is not only far away from his home country, but distant culturally and linguistically with Garam being dependent on Heejae and the people Heejae has hired. The only person Garam is friends in NY outside of Heejae’s sphere of influence is Walter, but even Walter only approached Garam due to him being Heejae’s student. Hell even Garam’s current manager is under Heejae’s control. Garam craves to feel needed and special so desperately that he will embrace Heejae’s faults by saying no one else can endure or understand in turn making Heejae emotionally dependent on him as much as Garam is both emotionally and financially. Garam would probably not want Heejae to apologize to his former students for abusing them because he wants all of Heejae’s love and care to himself even when Garam can empathize and see just how broken Walter was at Heejae’s hands. This can be seen by how apologetic Garam is bringing up Heejae to Walter, but never once really confronting Heejae on whether or not he actually regrets his past teaching methods instead choosing to ignore it so they can continue on being a happy couple. Garam has always chosen a relationship with Heejae over anything else even for his own good when Garam tried to leave Heejae for a better teacher, thwarted as soon as Heejae started kissing him.

Garam on the surface is a people pleaser, seemingly passive and polite, but is just as possessive as Heejae and as selfish demanding Heejae’s everything even if it is Heejae’s more cruel tendencies. Which is why I don’t think Garam is a naturally born masochist but only enjoys the pain Heejae inflicts because Garam knows when Heejae hurts Garam hes not holding back. After all Garam takes great pride, almost fanatically deriving his worth and identity from, by understanding the professor, enabling violence as a sort of way to validate his feelings that he is the only one that could understand Heejae. I can’t wait till we will see him transform his sound and soul for the concerto just as he has gotten colder after being closer to Heejae than anyone ever has. Ah they’re so toxic and need therapy (both individually and couples therapy) and probably medication but they are my mentally ill toxic ass couple.

That's a really good analysis! You put into words what i couldn't especially about garam's love and obsession towards heejae. The point about him enjoying pain from heejae and taking pride in it are spot on

i agree w u on most things esp the walter thing. i was gonna say smth similar too. it's natural to feel defensive or upset when so many have such a misunderstood/negative impression of ur s/o but garam doesn't seem to rly care abt it? n i thought maybe tht's his way of keeping heejae to himself but this seemed a bit far fetched i excluded it from my para, so i'm act surprised to find out smone else thinks tht way too.

abt the ppl pleasing, i do think he is still 'pure' to some extent, where his desire to comfort/ please ppl comes from altruism n not attention/ validation seeking. His desire to comfort heejae was also initially pure but I think as he continued being with him, but after tht ch where heejae opens up abt Rachmaninoff, tht's when his intention sorta started to morph into smth w more egotistical.

as for how garam feels abt heejae's abusive teaching methods, i'm still developing my analysis on it, so i'm still unsure abt a lotta things regarding tht. but rather than 'ignoring' it i think he's embracing it instead. Again, back in the ch where hj demanded he play Rachmaninoff, garam absokutely refused to play it but it's only when hj opens up abt what significance Rachmaninoff has to him, does garam accept to play it.

(honestly i feel like tht moment was so brief n ppl kinda brushed past it? but i think it's a rly significant turning point, tht holds so much meaning, where garam *truly* embraced the violent nature of hj and the 'knife' tht he is'. cus iirc, it's after tht moment they never act had a huge argument where garam is also angry, n also he's v understanding w heejae's outbursts, even the extreme ones. I think that's the change where he seems a bit 'colder' than b4. He's losing a bit of tht purity tht he initially had.)

but anyhow, abt tht, I'm not sure if i can say tht means garam's forgiven him, but i also don think it's him ignoring the abusive methods hj took.
how he and hj's other students play/ feel abt playing rachmaninoff is how they feel abt the 'abusive prof', garam's interpretation of trying to play Rachmaninoff as intense but still trynna express a softness within is tht he's not ignoring it to be a 'happy couple' but is acknowledging both.

wait i js had another thought but his music and his 'comfort' is beginning to be FOR heejae like how he feels unsatisfied if heejae isn't watching or tht the interpretation he takes in Rachmaninoff alludes to heejae. his everything is becoming so focused on heejae i think that's y he seems 'colder', since he doesn hv as much attentiveness/ cared towards the ppl around him now (tht ch where he lashed out to smone).
heejae's so insistent on claiming garam as HIS gem but ion think heejae's even aware how centered his existence alr is to garam so it's hard to say how much of garam becoming colder is actually heejae's fault

I definitely agree with Garam embracing Heejae’s cruel side, even finding pleasure in it. I should’ve definitely worded it better but I meant Garam tends to ‘ignore’ or rather not dwell on whenever the professor talks about his past students. Not really bringing up the trauma he inflicted on them to such an extreme degree causing Walter to lose his sound and Compton to quit piano. Garam definitely confronts Heejae’s methods when directed at himself as he constantly pushes for freedom such as the Christmas concert and the collab with Walter. This is also seen in Garam wanting to have his own sound that is not owned by Heejae but rather for Heejae. Garam’s stalwart nature is probably one of the main reasons he can love Heejae without crumbling along with his ability to see past the cornered animal front Heejae puts up constantly throughout their arguments.

Also yes totally Garam’s sound is to soothe Heejae and their loneliness because while Garam thinks he is the only one who can understand the professor I think subconsciously the inverse is true as well. The professor is the only one throughout the story Garam feels like as if they are intertwined in their own world of music, no one else breeds this kind of intimacy for Garam though they have tried.

They are meant to contrast each other like yin and yang, whenever something happens to one of the them the inverse happens to the other. For example when Garam felt conflicted about his sound being his or Heejae’s, Heejae was off in marital bliss while Garam was dreading playing with Walter. And I agree it isn’t Heejae directly causing Garam’s coldness but the nature of their relationship. They are like two koi fish encircling each other till the end of time.

oh yeh, mb, totally agree on u w tht part. tho thinkin abt it again, maybe he's not confronting heejae abt it because there's nothing that'll come of it? garam didn't know what normal teaching was meant to be like since he was never taught piano, and it was only after he met Kruger was he introduced to proper piano teachers, and realised heejae's methods isn normal. n well he did confront heejae on that but (i fg heejae's response iirc he was speechless/ shocked). after tht it was never rly brought up again ig becus there wuldn be much point (?). heejae's not the type to apologise n garam seems to think just keeping them distanced is best way to maintain peace. but even then, i do see garam not really being empathic to kruger's trauma despite having gone through the same thing, and empathises more with heejae instead.

n yes !! honestly y i thought he lacked so much chemistry with youngjo. their relationship was rather shallow and youngjo lacked the passion for music to empathise with garam. garam would go to youngjo for comfort whenever he was upset but ultimately it didn't really help with the actual issue (piano). But w heejae, they were both so intimately 'intertwined' and dependant on eachother from the start through piano. Heejae being dependant on garam's sound and developing it, and garam being dependant on hj as his teacher. And overall their rocky af rltsp is wat helped garam to find his sound.
Tho that made me wonder, if he can connect with someone through piano, why doesn't he with the other students who r also into piano. And i thought about it, it might have to do with boundaries. Garam didn't seem to have any friends and he'd maintain a polite distance from people. (i mean there's youngjo but even then they never rly connected emotionally). But heejae's abusiveness and lack of boundaries seemed to erase tht line from the start, allowing garam to put down watever polite boundaries/ appearances he had to maintain, and just yk be authentic.

also another thing i noticed w walter, is tht author depicts his body painted as black and his scars white, but for heejae n garam their bodies r white n the scars often a 'hole'/ black. It might reflect the nature of how their trauma is presented. Walter's quite open w his trauma, but w Garam n heejae, they seem to be quite discrete (well heejae v much so) abt it. Ig Garam isn't just obsessed with everyone who has traum, rather he seems to find pleasure in comforting smth tht's secret (i said smth like this in one of my prev comments, abt how heejae's like the ultimate challenge to garam's goal/ personality of comforting ppl, hence y being drawn to hj).

and fr. just like how heejae's becoming warmer but garam colder. they're the koi fish always circling eachother but still swimming together nonetheless <3

hes too cute in his own way

like u guys imagine, du guys see the vision

You're freaked out

nuh uh