The feeling of attachment and pairing is pretty much based on narcissism. He holds Takase as this prize of the “if” that he always thought was meant to be him. An excellent pianist with amazing skills, the perfect life, and overall a happy ending. He holds onto Takase so much because it is what he always wanted to be. Instead, he uses piano to recover the fading memory of his mother, he has a toxic relationship with his father, and his talents could be comparably argued to have gone away, if there were any to begin with. The use of Takase as this prize that only he can enjoy is an exploitative source for his ego and narcissistic side, that is fulfilled every time Takase shines on stage. That feeling that it could be him, but it is not, thus making him proud that he holds onto that living mirage of what could have been. Really interesting to see how this develops, I’m honestly intrigued. However, I’d say to the readers to not confuse this with love, it is not love. It is far from that.
While I agree with what you said, I still think there is some form of love between them. The seme wants warmth and love, because the only one that gave him any was his mom and she's gone. I think the seme does truly care about him.
what about takase side? do you think he loves him or just idolizes him? also I love your analysis on this, I think everything you said is so true!!
I think the seme wants to believe that he loves him, but in reality he only wants to have him for his own satisfaction. He could change though, and I think that the best way for their relationship to actually thrive would be if the seme solves his personal issues on his own and with actual help of professionals. Right now, he considers his safe spot to be Takase which is an indication of this erroneous way of conceiving love. I’d be hopeful and say that this can actually work, but so far is not going in the right track.
Takase’s affection definitely began with idolization. He always saw the seme as this perfect figure of success and basically a role model of whom he wanted to be one day. As both start dating, I think he starts transforming this role model view to a more “ordinary” kind of person, one that could be easily be considered your friend. I think his feelings are progressively building up into romantic sentiments of affection. Imagine one day the figure that you always looked up to (even crushed on) starts showing interest in you. The transition from idolization to love is hard, but I think he’s doing it at a slow pace that could be considered genuine affection.
ooh I like this !!! ty for explaining it for me :)
I came to make the exact same comment haha! Very well put. Not to overpathologize, but I do work in mental health aha so this is just a little thought process of mine, not attempting to conjecture about the authors intentions for the story. Also sorry I've forgotten names!
Narcissistic traits and disordered narcissism is rooted entirely in deep insecurity and seeking fulfilment for what they perceive they’re entitled to. While the seme appears sad and depressed, he doesn’t *really* think everything that has gone wrong has anything to do with himself, he perceives himself as a victim of circumstance, not someone who could actually change on the merit of his own actions i.e., if his mother hadn’t died, if he got along with his dad, if only blah blah etc.
While yes he has affection and “love” for the uke, he shows literally zero emotional insight in to what the uke might want, his happiness, his emotions or what he’s thinking. The way he thinks about the uke revolved entirely around his own emotional fulfilment. I agree with what you’ve said, those with NPD and narcissistic traits love to be associated with what they think is greatness, because they perceive it’s a reflection of themselves (e.g., “keep winning your competitions…just stay with me”). This is classic love bombing, he wants to spoil to uke and shower him with love, the uke is this ray of sunshine in his dark and stormy life and giving the uke the love/relationship he wants helps to control him and keep him there.
While I can’t speak for the rest of the story (which i’m excited for!), if it were to follow the pattern I’m seeing, the moment the uke either expressed emotional desires ( example: I’m feeling stressed/depressed people support me) or set up boundaries, the seme would either have to confront his own emotions and actually change his thought patterns and behaviours to make the relationship work OR go in to dehumanising mode (“I thought you were great but you aren’t, you’re not who I thought you were, you shined so bright but I’ve put out your light…), because the uke no longer fulfils that role to him.
Cool to see how the author tackles the story. As for uke, we don't have the insight in to his thoughts of feelings - but it seems he's pretty sincere. But that could be a shallow interpretation on the seme's side.
WAAAA this thread is so informative !! I totally see it now. The seme literally said he wanted to spoil the uke and during their sex scene he was literally projecting onto the uke. I definitely see his narcissistic traits
Haha I'm glad! Again - not sure if this is what the author is trying to convey haha, but I like this story because I think it shows something people fundamentally misunderstand about narcissism.
Those who have NPD don't intentionally behave in this way, it's not simply "I'm great and how can I use and abuse people" (although that is also a thing). Seme isn't actively thinking about controlling the uke or thinking about how his actions or thoughts could be hurtful. He hasn't gotten that far, he's shown quite literally no thought towards what the uke wants, his emotional insight literally just extended that far.
Which is often why when relationship breakdowns happen with people with NPD, a common expression is "I just don't understand why my parnter/friend/child has acted like this, why did they change". They don't get it because they unable or have a limited capacity to understand the emotional needs of others.
Thank you for adding on! I really had this “something’s not right here” while reading the story lol. So I actually thought about how the seme was being portrayed as this narcissistic being (I believe the covert type?) that indeed, never actually blamed himself of the circumstances he was in, but the world around him. So it really gave that strong impression of self-centeredness and egoism. I’d say go ahead and make a comment about this because you really have the background to talk in depth about the inner thoughts of the characters and your own reflections of the story, is really enriching. I’m just an amateur of the topic so I think it was not as clear as your explanation. I’d love to see more thorough opinions about this topic in particular and your reply was a great addition!
Haha no, thank you! When I finished the chapter I was going to comment something like "this guy has alot of self obsessed thoughts" but your comment really expanded on that I got inspired to break it down.
-- This is just me talking MORE about NPD, so feel free to not read haha --
But even with his parents. While we don't *know* what causes people to develop personality disorders, it's hypothesised to be a mix of genetics and environment. But with NPD or narcissistic traits there's a relationship with invalidating childhood experiences, particularly a good cop/bad cop parent dynamic. One parent who excessively praises (the mother, with her ~love~ for piano) and one who is excessively critical (Dad, who implies seme can't do anything right). They learn to latch on to praise and become hypersensitive to criticism.
You're definitely right in terms of covert, or what we call "vulnerable" narcissism. While there's no technical different diagnoses (it's all just NPD), the classifications are good in helping understand presentation of behaviours. If you're interested check up the "Narcissistic Spectrum Model" :). Those with NPD present on a sliding scale from vulnerable to grandiose with the core of all narcissism being entitlement.
Within my job it's super interesting, I very rarely encounter clients with NPD but rather on the outside of therapy e.g., as a parent, a (usually ex) partner, a co-worker etc.
Thank you all for sharing your insight and providing me with a different perspective. Truly delightful. If possible, I hope you all can come back once the story is completed to discuss whether seme’s “love” becomes one of sincerity.
I read this a long time ago and I highly agreed with one comment that was among the recent ones at the time. I really liked the uke’s personality during the first volume. He was blunt, rebellious, frightening, and he had this cool aura around him that I found compatible with the seme. The end of the first volume was very down to earth. Not every straight guy becomes magically gay just for the sake of the story. So three years passed by and they met each other again. I do understand that three years are enough to make a person change, but the attitude of the uke was off. He was submissive, shy, a bit awkward, and pushy. He still had that daring trait of his, but it was not the same. I found that kinda meh since it looked to me that it was done with the purpose of making him more “uke” like, and just completely erasing his past personality that was originally introduced. It’s really hard to find ukes that have that type of character (not the “I’m a sassy bitch,” but actually “I don’t give a fuck”). But overall, it was a good story.
Thank you for saying it!!! I completely agree with you!! His past personality was what really attracted me and why I can't forget about this manga. The 2nd part really doesn't match. I wish the author would have stuck to his previous domineering auro. Just to change his personality to make him uke like is so disappointing
Agreed! Though, I think there were parts in the 1st volume where Hayakawa displayed that part of his personality (the only time that stuck out to me was when he jacked off to Konno in the toilet and his reaction to it), but I definitely prefer his character pre-timeskip.
They still bounced off of each other pretty well post timeskip, but their personalities in the first volume just meshes so well together. It's not the typical seme-uke dynamic that you see in BL, and I wish it carried over to the second volume as well.
yep, i agree but to an extend, i think his change in personality has more to do with the fact that he overcame part of his trauma and left behind that facade and is more like is real self
yep, i agree but to an extend, i think his change in personality has more to do with the fact that he overcame part of his trauma, left behind that facade after immersing himself in music (doing what he always wanted to do) and accepting his real self
I disagree, you just have to see child Hayakawa, he was always kind, caring and more "cute" and wdym with submissive? Konno influenced him since the beginning and that's something Hayakawa himself say it (when he was happy that Konno liked the same milk taste thanks to his influence, bcs it's always Konno who influence Hayakawa). Also it's not like he just magically he becomes gay, Hayakawa himself said maybe he feelt the same for his ex chilhood friend (the piano kid, I forgot his name). That would explain why Hayakawa got so affeted by him and wanted to understand his feelings (He give up on music bcs he wanted to feel miserable like his friend). As people already said in this thread, the Hayakawa in 1st vol wasn't his true self, he was more tough back then bcs he doubted people and thought if he trusted them they would betray him. So the Hayakawa in 2nd vol it's actually the real Hayakawa that we saw when he was a kid. But yeah I can agree that when he was more "straight" he was tough but now that he's more "gay" and bottom he was soft but we could say it was just a coincidence like... maybe if he had an opportunity to fuck with a man when he was more tough maybe he would do it but that scenario didn't happen.
It definitely isn’t one of the best stories, with a simple and cliche plot. But I always wonder why do I keep coming back here if it isn’t that great? The thing is that it doesn’t have to be.
(Imma write a testament so please excuse me)
The simplicity of this story is really unique. From Yuuma’s social pressure to show responsibility and determination, to the carefree-minded Ryohei that has never been able to experience commitment due to the circumstances that he lives in.
Yuuma is constantly pressured by his parents (his dad especially) about being sure about his future, his academic performance, and who he is going to be. Which in reality, he is not even sure of. I believe this pressure to be someone who his dad wants him to be, is the incentive that motivates him to go ahead and ask Ryohei such an unreasonable request (as he said). He boldly assumes that his feelings will never be returned, as his dad assumes what is best for him. So in order to protect his true wishes, he goes and compensates his offer with something he ASSUMES Ryohei will be down for. This attitude is really bothersome to Ryohei, who can see what’s beyond Yuuma’s words but yet, doesn’t do anything about it.
As the story mentioned, Ryohei has been constantly moving in and out of several places due to his parents jobs. He doesn’t have the feeling or the pressure to be committed or to show engagement as he’s never felt something that is worth doing so, justifying it with the excuse of “This will be over anyway.” I think that’s where his carefree attitude develops, where he takes things lightly, regardless of how insane or difficult they may seem. Yuuma asks him to have sex with him. He deceitfully ignores the fact that he could get involved romantically and accepts. He suddenly starts being more interested in Yuuma. He notices aspects in Yuuma’s personality in which he is conflicted about. Like Yuuma being overly self-aware, or the fact that he’s too insecure, and apologizes as though he’s the one wrong. He feels conflicted to do something about it, and gets more involved emotionally with Yuuma. One things leads to the other (accompanied of great sex) and I LOVE that there’s not a dramatic realization of “Oh, I’ve fell in love.” He clearly states that he’s yet to feel the same way as Yuuma does, but he’s committed to him, and the relationship they’re both growing. He’s serious enough about that to say “Hey, we can try it.”
I’m really attached to Ryohei’s caring personality, that actually takes the time to learn about Yuuma without asking him directly, because Yuuma is a shy person. He doesn’t feel the necessity of getting into a big conflict, because if you truly look for an answer, well, an argument never solves anything. The intrigue that Yuuma creates is also clearly portrayed to the reader, as it feels that the story is mostly a Ryohei POV, feeling empathy for the way he feels and how he develops these feelings.
A nice detail that I have highlight is when Ryohei is asked by his friend if he has a lover and after all the questions he easily answers “That person is just madly in love with me. That’s all.” And his friend replies “That’s...really simple.”
In fact it is, and I think that’s the beauty of it :3
If you’ve reached this points, let me thank you for reading all my nonsense :d
Didn’t know he was that bossy and controlling :)? Like wtf bitch not even considering woowon’s opinions and just acting out of his own free will, like man is having a hard time surviving life and here he comes to nonchalantly control everything as if it’s not someone else’s situation. I understand where he comes from but he was very selfish in that argument, damn
looks like it, but then they both seem to be pretty psychologically damadged.