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Shutup! created a topic of PASSION

So. The first time I read this webtoon was only like 30 chapters or something and I like it so much, I bought the novel from ridibook (it will auto translated to english, you can use any credit card to buy). I even read the spin off novels.

As it started off slow burn, and ilay & Tae Eui started off as jerking off buddies. I wasn't expecting ilay to rape Tae Eui (seriously). The novel is much more details.

Tae Eui is afraid of ilay, a lot. He always remember the video where ilay can kill people with bare hands. Their jerking off buddies also started like that. Tae Eui just scared ilay might snapped his neck. That's why Tae doesn't care if ilay came to him in his sleep, and used his tight for jerking off, he was just tired, and ilay is strong. But after few times, at least he knows ilay won't harm him and he likes their jerking off activities (as long as it feels good). Moreover when he realized, Xinliu also has ulterior motive (want to find Jae Eui through him), he also saw him slept with ilay. So Tae Eui gave up relationship with Xinliu.

Ilay is the perfect picture of what toxic seme. After ilay raped Tae Eui the first time. Tae Eui was so depressed, he yelled at ilay why he raped him. He felt so betrayed. He was bleeding from his anus (yes the novel doesn't romanticize the rape at all), his body was sore, some of Tae Eui skin is peeled off because ilay bind his hands during assault, and his headache is getting worse. It also described how hard Tae Eui had to walk to the doctor and asked medicine. Finally his body got better, but he still felt resentful towards ilay. Moreover ilay often make sexual jokes and tried to forced himself again on Tae Eui. He still kiss Tae Eui or left hickeys. After the mission that was given by his uncle Tae Eui stress reach it's peak. The rumors was spreading in UNHRO that Tae Eui slept around with ilay, made Tae Eui depressed. Finally Xinliu confronted Tae Eui if the rumors was true, Tae felt unfair. Xinliu tried raped/forced open Tae Eui clothes. Tae Eui ran away and found the hidden floor, met his uncle and asked him to assist him to run away. I don't think Tae Eui sadness and depression during this time was written well in webtoon.

During his ran away, Tae Eui believe he will be killed that's why he shouldn't get caught. He was trying to find his twin.

Now spoiler.
After this, ilay will bring Tae Eui to Hongkong and have people tail on him. While ilay works in UNHRO, Tae Eui is free to roam, Tae Eui tried to run away again few times but fail. He has people who kept watching him. Ilay will visit Tae Eui every weekend. One day Tae Eui told ilay, that ilay's watcher tried to brawl him. Ilay confuse as the watcher didn't suppose to hurt him. Turned out it's Xinliu people who tried to kidnap Tae Eui.

Tae Eui found traced where Jae Eui is located. He asked ilay to please let him meet his brother and then he will be by ilay side. There's a lot of arc about finding his brother. But here, Xinliu also gone wacko. Kept trying to kidnap Tae Eui or kill him. If Tae Eui die, he will kept his body. Ilay replied, if Tae Eui died, Xinliu will never get the body, because he will eat Tae Eui to his bone so they will become one.

On the ending (after whole finding Jae Eui fiasco). Xinliu told Tae Eui, if he doesn't follow him, he will kill Tae Eui brother. So Tae Eui follow Xinliu inside the car. Ilay who saw that, thought Tae Eui is running away from him again. In the end xinliu let Tae Eui go, but when Tae Eui about to go back to ilay, ilay find him first and still angry because his own misunderstanding. Again. Rape.

The ending is Tae Eui will live together with ilay in german at ilay home where kyle also reside.

I think main story is lack of romance which I think disappointing. I mean, ilay only once apologize to Tae Eui. But the romance is written in spin off novel.


Spin off. Fast forward to few years. They have been together for years. If people ask Tae Eui, does he has boyfriend, he will reply, he has German boyfriend. But if people ask him in front of ilay, he will reply, ilay is his close friend. Kyle called Tae Eui as ilay's professional. Since Tae Eui here, ilay act as humanly. Tae Eui learned speaking germany, and ilay learned korean. Even if ilay good looking, his personality is shit. So Tae Eui is much more popular.
Tae Eui still think that someday he will be killed by ilay and he still afraid of him. Even after years. Tae Eui told this to his friends, but ilay overheard. Ilay loves Tae Eui but as psychopath he is, he just can't say I love you. He only force Tae Eui to say "yes I m yours". Tae Eui doesn't wanna say such sentence because he is not property. Fyi, just because Tae Eui afraid of ilay, it doesn't mean he lived in fear. Tae Eui still does whatever he wants and say whatever he wants. They mainly communicate in germany.

Actually ilay doesn't wanna hurt Tae Eui. He also against Tae Eui does anything dangerous but sometimes Tae Eui still do. Finally ilay told Tae Eui, he can't never live without him. If Tae Eui die first, he will hired people to kill himself. But if ilay die first, Tae Eui should live on. Every time Tae Eui chatter mindlessly like "how does it feel to fly on private jet" "Wow this resort is good". Ilay will secretly bought all of it for Tae Eui. Yes, Tae Eui assets are accumulated but he himself doesn't realize this. Ilay one day thought of crazy idea, if he can ever make Tae Eui pregnant, so he made love with Tae Eui everyday for a month. And of course Tae Eui not pregnant. If they were separated because ilay was on mission, they will have video call sex. He told his friend he can't get it up if it's not Tae Eui and he doesn't like anyone else. There's a time in korea where Tae Eui met his ex boyfriend and another guy who also has a crush on him. Unfortunately ilay also there. Because ilay was jealous, he made Tae Eui have sex with him while come up with confession for him like "I love ilay, my love is high as the sky and as deep as the sea". Things like that. But ilay also want Tae Eui tell him i love you normally, so he tasked his frieds (mercenaries friends) to make Tae Eui confess his love. Aside from Tae Eui ex boyfriend, a boy who has crush on him, there are other people who likes Tae Eui. Like Tae Eui military friend who hurt Tae Eui knee. And one of ilay friend also like Tae Eui. Tae Eui is so carefree he never ask ilay anything romantic or stuff. But ilay want to have vacation, ilay bait Tae Eui by telling him "there's beer festival in here this time, wanna go? " Tae Eui said yeah I want to. But then, when ilay friend who also like Tae Eui asked him, let's go vacation. Tae Eui also said yes. The time is the same as beer vacation that ilay planned. Ilay felt annoyed but he follow Tae Eui to his new vacation plan.

In novel it took a long time for them to change. Even after dating for years, Tae Eui was still afraid of ilay (until ilay told him, he will never hurt him/kill him). Ilay also not magically stop being psychopath. The rape in main novel doesn't romanticized. And there's character development. In spin off their relationship is normal. But ilay is pervert. Unlike in main novel where ilay doesn't like it if people looking at Tae Eui, while in relationship, even if he was jealous, ilay didn't blindly hurt/kill people.