YaoiIsLife's Topics (86)

When I tell you... It has been over a year and I'm still obsessed with this man's f*cking hand tattoo

Everyone who is disappointed by this "update", Fate Makes No Mistakes just got its official ending. Go read that for today instead <3

THE MARINATION HAS ENDED(▰˘◡˘▰) I am screaming and crying, this has been a long time coming. Good luck to them and all of you I have met in this comment thread T-T

NOOOOOO, ILAY, NOT WITH THE SMILE I CAN'T TAKE THIS NEXT CHAPTER

Young-ha... I couldn't even focus in the update because I was so pissed at him for going to glasses guy's house. But someone said they didn't sleep together and I'll choose to believe it

"I like that he likes pumpkins" bro what (⌒▽⌒)

How did I get so invested in this so fast, I thought it was going to be a cute and sexy story but I fear the author has angst incoming and chap 13 has me scared... Maybe this is one to marinate

I'm about to lose my shit if the glasses guy found out ml wasn't going to have mc coming to visit and legit just said "take your clothes off again" ╥_╥ someone help me, my heart is being destroyed

I CAN'T WAIT, THEY ARE ABOUT TO F FOR REAL ε=ε=(ノ≧∇≦)ノ

It took me so long to read this again because like most of the comments say, the ending felt unearned and a bit like Hisato was settling for what he had. It was kind of by accident I found it again today. BUT, after re-reading it after a few years, I can see it has a bit more nuance than most stories and that is why a lot of us miss the subtle changes the first time through.

The vampire felt a bit cold originally, but I think he has always had trouble understanding how other people normalize ranking their social relationships. He operates on a more simple "I like you" or "I don't like you" without distinguishing different levels of like. He has never fallen in love because he is so focused on chasing the dream of the ultra-love-at-first-sight romance. He is the ultimate romantic and has been reading the same sappy fiction for two hundred years. He is like the most wistful of poets, building up a perfect ideal that he is searching for in the world as a whole. But then he misses the point that real love and relationships are things that you build with someone, creating a love you want instead of hoping it falls out of the clouds one day.

Then, people kept telling him loving everyone is the same as loving no one, so he does the thing where he incorporates that into his identity. He must really "love no one"- he thinks- which is why he leans into being a stoic vampire and being so upfront that none of these people are his heart. (He tries to make up for it by giving them anything they ask for) He became so fixated on finding the person he would want to die with someday, romanticizing the lover's ending more than anything else. When he meets Shuri, he has all but given up on the search, tied to the revelation that he is facing an eternity of solitude despite the constant affection (which he refused to accept).

When our sweet human initiates sex for the first time, we can see that Hisato wanted to keep him separate from how he handles everyone else; he is the only one that he wanted to keep special. When they first met, after he had given up the search for his "heart", his immediate thought was "this person is different like I am". We can see from that he already viewed him as special. But Hisato was very dedicated to keeping Shuri in his own special mental box. When told he should send him into the normal human world, he starts thinking about the things Shuri should have or want, mostly because Shuri has never mentioned them and he never considered it. He is shocked that Shuri thinks he doesn't care about him. Hasn't he given up his life of wandering as "they" said he should and raised him well, despite that being Shuri's own desire to be good. He has sex with him like he wants, says he likes him, kisses him, anything he asks. But Shuri is still not on his radar because Hisato isn't ready to get his head out of the clouds yet.

They both get sentimental when the other vampire's love dies and he must live on. That establishes for us, and them, that you can love someone without the "heart" exchange being necessary. It doesn't mean they are any less in love. Just a bit more tragic. Hisato is called out for giving up his search and being a bit hopeless, so he does what he thinks is a kindness. He will give Shuri what he wants as a gesture of love (though not the kind either want) in exchange for making him go live a happy life. Hisato will be resigned to his (honestly, a little melodramatic) fate of eternal longing. Shuri will have what he wants, or whatever it symbolizes. But he knows, like the woman who left earlier, that the gesture is meaningless because of Hisato's lack of sincerity.

Shuri gets a false start on leaving, thinks about it from Hisato's point of view and realizes he is being a petulant child right now. Up until now his mindset has been that if Hisato can't love him then he shouldn't love anyone and they can be a codependent semblance of affection until something changes. But he realizes that Hisato has been trying to treat him as special in his own way, being painfully earnest about his inability to offer anything more fulfilling. Shuri realizes it wouldn't be fair to either of them to keep this up. He sees the woman from before with a man who makes her happy; and what a difference between being with someone who can't love you and someone who wants to give you the world. Hisato deserves to feel that way about someone, even if it is not him.

Shuri returns to give his farewell, admitting that he knows he will never be the one. Mirroring the two vampires who fell in love but can never be each other's hearts, Shuri tells Hisato that he was HIS heart. Although, neither can die with that, it isn't the exchange he dreams of... It is just as real as the emotions of those two vampires. Hisato is frozen in the revelation. We do not get to see it, but he is definitely shaken by the words. He has been what he craved so long for someone else. Half of the equation he imagined, so what was the missing other half? It was him. He has to question why he can't accept Shuri as his heart. Why can't it be him? Because it didn't play out like his daydreams? Shuri has always been special to him, different from the rest. He said it. He desires him, passively for the most part, but still. Shuri smiles at him through tears and tells him he hopes he can find his heart. We saw them say earlier that love is being willing to lay down everything for someone. It is the part of you that sacrifices your desires for the sake of their happiness. So, this meets his requirements for what "love" truly is. It isn't that Shuri was attached to him, or naive and misguided, or mistaken. Shuri truly loves him the way he always hoped.

Now, the question is does Hisato love him in the same way? We already know he gave up the search. And now he has gone from being urged to set Shuri free to having to watch him go on his own. He is starting to come to the mature place of building love rather than wishing for it. We saw him ponder a bit when Shuri confessed he wanted to be his heart. Right before he offered it without sincerity. Shuri rejected that and Hisato has to wonder why that didn't work. He is supposed to give people what they want to make up for his shortcomings. He was offering Shuri his most precious thing that he wanted, but it was not accepted? Now he is left alone. He sends Shuri money but does not hear from him. He thinks about him constantly, to the point where he zones out his oldest friend. Thinking about the boy he let slip away. He feels lonely in those three months. He is thinking so hard that he forgets to ask for a new blood donor. FOR THREE MONTHS. We know Hisato is the type to let time go by without paying attention, but this is extremely irresponsible. He likes to take blood directly, has sex with anyone who asks, is super affectionate. He is desperately seeking closeness in the hopes of finding a secret treasure. And he forgets to drink blood for three months because he is so caught up obsessing over something else now- Shuri. Most importantly, he says he is lonely but he is also happy. He is happy for Shuri's sake, out there living his normal human life and finding other people to be happy with. Being happy without Hisato... And do we remember what Hisato said the true essence of love was? Selflessly letting the other person be happy?! This is the smallest hint of the biggest change and it is so easy to miss. This is when Hisato shows us that he has changed and his feelings have changed to reflect what he believes is love; whether he registers it as that or not.

He collapses and dreams of what he says later is possibly his heart. An endless darkness that the younger, yearning him is trapped in. He faces an eternity of solitude, same old story... But someone breaks through that darkness and appears like a shining light, taking his hand. We are given a visual representation of what Shuri means to him now. Hisato's life has been the same empty loneliness but he can finally see that there is indeed a person who has changed that. Shuri is special. Shuri has always been special. He just never knew how to quantify the levels and how it changed over time. Shuri had become a staple in his life that Hisato did not understand how to fit into a world where he was given a set of rules to operate with. So he didn't try. Until now. He looks at Shuri like a man seeing things clearly for the first time. For once, it isn't someone else's words that change Hisato's mind. He has been thinking of nothing else but this boy and here he is. Contrary to his longstanding belief, he is not alone anymore.

The shift from standing still for so long waiting for love to come to him is a slow one, but we can see him gradually move forward with the resolve that this is what he has longed for his entire life. Hisato admits he is lonely without Shuri. On the other hand, Shuri is managing just fine on his own. He doesn't need anything from this vampire, he has proven that to himself. But it is all rather empty without the one he loves. What a hollow existence it would be, so can't he come back to live with Hisato? Admire him, live alongside him, even if he has to lose him one day to his "heart". Hisato, because he truly loves Shuri at this point, would be able to let him go if he were happy. But Shuri tells him that he isn't. He isn't happy being in the normal human world, he cannot live without him. So, he will die without Hisato? Without the other, one will die. Just like a "heart". Shuri is telling him once again that he is special to him.

Hisato, so used to doing things to make other people happy, tells Shuri he doesn't have to return just to make him happy. He thinks the offer comes from trying to please him. Because that is what he wants. He WANTS Shuri to come back. He desires him being there. Shuri is surprised because he never hears any desires from Hisato other than The One. This is something new. A lot is new. Unlike how they usually do it, with Shuri on top and Hisato reclining passively so the human can do as he pleases, we have Hisato pushing Shuri down. He has taken blood from Shuri's thigh before, mostly the neck, but this time he is biting him all over. Taking a bite at his shoulder, licking him healed, biting inches lower, licking it healed, torso, back, legs, biting his way down, and licking his way back up. This is more intimate than a meal, he is exploring Shuri's body with that new gaze. Seeing him with eyes that previously gazed into the future and now take in every inch of him and see the future in Shuri himself.

Shuri asks if Hisato will really give him his heart, Hisato was not expecting him to accept it. "You will take it?" He asks, the same man who wanted to love someone so much he would give them everything even if they didn't want it. Now, he is not thinking of giving Shuri his heart as a sacrifice but as something he is excited he will accept. Let us not forget that Shuri ran away when Hisato proposed the idea. Even knowing that, he still wants Shuri to have it. This is a desire HE wants. (Again, the changes are so small that it is easy to miss them) "Really? Is it okay?" Meaning 'you won't run away, you really want it?' And Shuri issues a vague threat of not going anywhere- even if it makes Hisato miserable later on. He has decided his life is meaningless without Hisato and so he will devote his life to that (so-called-selfish) love. Hisato is so awake now, aware of his feelings, smitten in the face of the sweet reality he has woken up to after his sad years-long dream. He doesn't even see the threat, only the promise of spending forever together just like he wanted. A happy story, the one he spent two hundred years replaying with himself as the lead. The words are a promise of everything he wanted. He can only smile because his love is realized.

The final tidbits are obviously that he is carefully preparing his heart. He isn't rushing it, he wants it to be perfect. He is no longer indifferent to others clinging onto or drinking from Shuri because Shuri has now become HIS. Like, excuse me, this is the person I have been looking for since forever, respectfully back up. When they have sex again, he wants to touch him even though Shuri says it isn't necessary. He wants to. He wants him. It is no longer only about giving Shuri what he wants, Hitori also now wants things. Shuri is embarrassed because things feel different now. Hitori is no longer allowing things to happen, he is making love to him properly. He is Making Love. Holding him, watching him, touching him, all in new ways. This is two people in love having sex, like a married couple.

Shuri accepts the heart and is hesitant to consume it. "Can I really?" He asks, not so much for permission but asking if it is okay, if Hitori is throwing away his chances at the dream he wanted for his sake. I think this is where we catch the bittersweet vibe. Shuri is still hearing the words in his head telling him he isn't the one, he is loved but he isn't Hitori's heart. Hitori gently tells him it is okay, but I think he means that Shuri IS the one, it is okay because this is different now, this heart is meant for him and no one else. He is saying, "We are on the same page now." Which is why he is so shocked when Shuri asks him if he loves him. He thinks at this point it has to be obvious. But we have to remember that Hitori isn't the same as most people when it comes to sharing his feelings or being able to identify them accurately. He may have forgotten that it still needed to be said, assumed Shuri could feel it emanating from inside him now that part of him is inside Shuri forever. When Shuri swallows the heart, Hitori's expression could be read as bittersweet, too, but if you compare it to his previous expressions, he looks truly happy. There is a gentle affection that we haven't seen before. Shuri is told he will adjust to the heart in three days and says, "Then..." Eluding to the after. Hitori answers the unspoken question and reminds him that they will die together. Not in a wistful way anymore; almost as if he is savouring this moment he thought would be the beginning of the end and realizing now that it's only the beginning of what will be a very fulfilled life with Shuri. A life Hitori could never have begun to dream of before this moment.

He tells Shuri of the dream about his heart and Shuri says maybe he will be in it now (now that he is Hitori's heart), not knowing that Hitori dreamed about him before he accepted his feelings, before he said the words, before they made the exchange. Shuri was his heart before all of that. Hitori truly fell in love with him long before he realized it had happened. And he smiles at Shuri with assurance because he knows without a doubt that from now on all if his dreams will feature Shuri... Because Shuri has been his "fated heart" for a long time now. He just needed to open his eyes and see it.