People like Shiawase no Category (Yaoi) also like (21)

LMAOOO Same. I lost interest after that sighhh

Isn't the cousin part became the reason why he can't trust people's love and affection? bec. he was betrayed by his cousin.. he became like that.. so how could it be possible without that part.. yes, it is an unpleasant past.. but it is an integral part of the story because it is focal point of the character development of the uke... Are we reading the same thing for you to make this comment, seriously???

No I mean, after the guy raped him he was all “ you were pretty forceful - be more gentle next time” where after he had the terrible past with the cousin you’d think he be of the mindset “nobodies ever gonna treat me like that again” Yano? And as for the cousin he got beat up once and then we never hear from him again when he made a huge deal about getting uke-kun back...
Maybe we didn’t read the same thing....

Everyone responds to trauma differently. That may be how you would handle things... you think. However, until it actually happens (though I sincerely pray it never does) you just don't really know for sure how you'd handle it. I was raped at 15. I had to have two surgeries, 18 months of physical therapy and two years of psychological therapy. Yet, what helped me heal the most was getting involved in BDSM at 17. Seems bizarre and like it could never do anything but more harm, doesn't it? That's not how my psyche works though. I have to face things head on and fight for myself, I don't run and I don't hide. If I have a fear of heights, I learn rock climbing. If I have a fear of fire, I go to firefighting school. That is what works for me. Along with the BDSM (which I've been involved in for 30 years) I was also a peer group rape counselor. Seeing how others deal with their own trauma helped me as much as I helped them. So, please, think of what I've told you first before you judge the way others react to trauma in the future. You can't expect everyone to live, act and think the way you do. It narrows your mind when you do.

Firstly, thank you for sharing your story and philosophy/ that was honestly awesome to hear. I can be pretty narrow minded about some things and I was judging him, I know everyone is different and when two people encounter the same experience - the same life changing event they aren’t going to have the same outcome our perspective. But I guess the only thing that can didn’t understand was - like you have your BDSM there is a certain amount of safety in that, the S has all the control and that’s what I didn’t understand about this story - This kid same from a really unsafe and terrifying situation that he had no control over and then was in another one? He had no idea what the seme was going to do to him and reacted in a very calm way.

You're very welcome. I'm very impressed by your humility, candor and self awareness. Thank you. You have my deepest respect.

I didn't clarify in my first comment, I am not an S. I'm an M and it is the M that actually has all the control. It is a strange dynamic to most, I'm sure. See, by giving up "power" to my S, I maintain all the control of the game. If I want them to be aggressive, I rebel. If I want them to be gentle, I comply. But everything moves at MY pace, dictated by my responses. This dynamic taught me that what we consider control of others is an illusion. We never have complete control of anything except our own actions and reactions. I can't control how others act, think or speak, but I can control how I respond to them. I think the uke in this story had learned this lesson and chose to control himself and his reactions. Perhaps it is better to say, this is how the mangaka chose to express this lesson.

Rape is not just a physically violent act, it is a stripping away of every shred of safety, security and stability the victim ever felt before the rape. We naturally find safety, security and stability in the "control" we think we wield over those with whom we surround ourselves. If you say, "No" to a potential partner, you feel secure that that demand will be met. That is a very big illusion. They have to CHOOSE to comply and most do. You can get angry, indignant and even violent, but you still don't control that choice. Once that choice is made by them, the only thing you can do is choose how you're going to react to, and deal with, what comes next. There's no "wrong" choice at this point. If that means "making nice" or fighting tooth and claw, it's YOUR choice and the only thing you can control now. The uke in this story chose to assuage the seme by using the same technique he learned from his cousin, silent compliance. Beyond that, we move into the realm of erotic fantasy writing, wherein the victim "has feelings" for their attacker or harbored feelings for them from the start. In that arena, there is nothing in real life that can be correlated because it's meant to be a fantasy. You can write a protagonist as flawed, but they can't be irredeemable. So, naturally, the victim must instantly forgive the attacking protagonist in order for readers to continue supporting the love story.

Thank you for indulging me and reading the "novel" I've written here. I hope I have not only clarified my point of view, but also a little of the story as I read and interpreted it. I have very much enjoyed our conversation and I hope to do more of it with you in the future.

Novel away - I’m always up for a good read. And you honestly did clarify your point of view and interpretation - I think you also clarified mine a little too. It’s like when you experience anything that you either didn’t understand or disagre with, like a book or movie or whatever, it’s always to break it down with someone and think about it. I’m probably never going to read this story again, just because it gets under my skin a bit - but it does have me looking back on some stories and books a bit more - I think in my head rape was kind of and end game scenario - the emotional and physical trauma of it is to horrifying to imagine - and it always will be BUT the recovery/rehab/mindset after it happens has so many variations - more then I ever knew, so thanks to opening my eyes to that.
Also I took a 50/50 with the S&M control / I didn’t wanna google check that at work... ha.. but I said the actual names instead of the letters in my head, and I knew I effed it up - sorry

This was quite an interesting thread to read.
Thank you guys

I must say that I am extremely impressed by your maturity, intellect and open-mindedness. You must have had some very good role models and/or teachers growing up. I'm sure your parents are very proud of you. I know I would be if you were my child. It is so easy to fall into the habit of adopting popular opinions and sticking to them, not because the person genuinely believes the opinion to be correct, but of of sheer habit and lack of desire to research for themselves. I find that when someone disagrees with an opinion I hold, I learn as much, or more than, I teach when having a discussion. And the same has happened in this discussion. Thank you.

Like I said before, I am a "face your fears" kind of person. I always have been. When I was very young, long before I was raped, I was sexually abused by two male family members. For years, as a child, I battled the "why me" question. Then, in 8th grade, I was noticed by one of my teachers as an "observer" or "people watcher". She recommended that I take some AP psychology courses. I have always asked "why". Especially as it applies to people. Why do we do the things we do? Why do we hurt others? Why do we like what we like? Why is sex such a powerful tool for abuse? Those were some of the topics for the papers I wrote in those AP psychology classes I took in 8th grade. And I still am studying human psychology and sexual psychology to this day. I considered becoming a nurse for a time. I even have my degree. But I quickly realized that, as much as I understand humans, I don't like them enough to be responsible for saving them. I don't think I could save the life of a rapist or murderer and feel like I had done a good thing. I also, honestly, don't think I could be in the presence of a rapist or murderer in a weakened state and not use my extensive knowledge of anatomy and sadism to torture them. So, to save lives, I gave up being a nurse. It is not my place to play God... and I would have. Thus, I went into veterinary medicine instead. Animals are much simpler creatures to understand. If a dog bites you... he is afraid and feels threatened. Humans are the same, except they are less honest about it. If a dog doesn't trust you, he won't wag his tail happily, period. Humans will smile at your face and bite you in the ass. LOL Long story, short... I have been studying human psychology for 38 years and observing human interaction for 44. (I was 6 was I was first abused) I have written, collaborated on and performed interviews for close to a thousand papers. I don't know if any were published - I know none of mine were, but I never paid attention to the ones I collaborated on or helped with. My interest has always been for personal knowledge not prestige or academic accolades. I prefer to share my knowledge intimately, in personal conversation, rather than try to reach an entire classroom of people.

Now that I have rambled on, allow me to get back to our BDSM conversation. You mentioned not wanting to look up BDSM terms at work and I laughed out so loud that I startled my husband! Thank you. So, to save embarrassment, I'll explain a few basics here and if you want to know more you can ask. BDSM stands for Bondage Discipline Sadism Masochism. These are the four main components of any fantasy scene played out in our lifestyle. Whether the bondage is handcuffs or a promise, one person is bound to, or by, their partner during a scene. Discipline can be carried out by anything from a spanking to harsh words of disappointment. In each scene there must be a leader and a follower. The leader must have Sadistic tendencies and the follower Masochistic tendencies. The leader is also called the Dom or a Dominant while the follower is called a Sub or a Submissive. When I began my involvement in BDSM in 1987, we called our fantasy play acting "games", but that term has since been changed to "scenes". All participants in BDSM are aware of the universal "safe words" which are indicators of the level of tolerance for a scene that each participant is feeling at any given time. One person will ask the other, "Are you okay?", and they will respond with one of three safe words. Green indicates the person is comfortable, feeling safe and unafraid. Yellow indicates that they are nearing their personal limit but can continue cautiously. Red indicates that they have exceeded their tolerance and the scene must end immediately. This is where trust is paramount. Knowing that your partner will cease all activity with one word. Without that trust, BDSM is just rape and assault. This is why many practitioners of BDSM choose to join or form clubs where they can gather together with others to ensure that that necessary trust is never broken, even accidentally. I am an elder member of my local BDSM club. We offer facilities, equipment, training, counselling and medical care in the event of an emergency or accident for our members. I am the head nurse for our club and I also train submissives. Once a month we all get together to meet, talk and play. Otherwise, our dungeon is available by reservation so that we can assign an elder to watch over the people using it and provide care in case of an accident or injury. Participation and membership is by invitation only. We require legal waivers, nondisclosure agreements, background checks (financial and criminal) and an orientation that includes 4 sessions with our professional psychologist - she is also an elder member. We also interview potential partners for compatibility. Unless a couple joins together, we try not to let people get together willy nilly. Wouldn't want to throw two submissives together or two sadists. LOL We have 8 elders and 60 members currently. Our club requires annual dues that are not what you'd call cheap. Our facilities are the basement level of an office building owned by one of our elders. Our equipment is generously provided by some of our talented members and elders who are carpenters, mechanics, leather craftsmen, etc. Our members come from all races, sexualities, religions and social statuses. In the dungeon, we are all equals and comrades. We all work hard to take care of each other. In the 16 years that I have been involved with this group, only one personas been expelled. It was about 3 years after I started. He had a clean criminal record when he joined, but was arrested and convicted of domestic assault while a member. We had, at the time, several police officers and a public defender in our group. They informed the elders immediately and the man was removed. Since then, those officers and the lawyer have become elders. Once you are part of BDSM, it is with you forever. We have members in their 70s and 80s. All that changes is the intensity of their scenes. I, myself, will be 50 this year. Now, these people in our club are hardcore, dedicated BDSM enthusiasts. What about the couple who just want to play once in a while at home?

First, you have to trust your partner with your life, because that is, ultimately, what you are handing them. Complete control over your body and mind if you are a Sub and if you are a Dom, you have to trust that your Sub knows their own body, mind and limits and won't turn on you the next day. I have known Doms who have been arrested for rape and assault because they put their trust in someone too soon. Trust only can occur with open and honest communication. If you are too shy to tell your partner what you like and dislike, you should hold off on BDSM play.
Second, always start and progress slowly. For a novice, start with light bondage like a silk scarf tied loosely around their wrists and/or their eyes. Advance only when both parties are ready.
There are a lot of different fetishes that can be explored in BDSM. I have witnessed everything from mild humiliation and neglect play to cuckolding to a Sub who enjoyed being tazed. My favorite personal experience was one of my first. The man who introduced me to BDSM had bought me a pair of beautiful stiletto heels that buckled to my ankles with a small padlock. He put them on me and kept the key. Then, he went on a business trip for 3 days. I had to do everything, including sleep and bathe, in those shoes. When he returned, he gave me the most amazing leg and foot massage that, to this day, when my husband rubs my feet for me, I become aroused. If I had cut the shoes off, what would I be like today? Personally, I'm very glad I didn't. Though, I had moments where I wanted to. LOL This is also a form of BDSM play. It isn't always about horrible humiliation or being beaten.

Well, I have done it again. Another novel. But I hope I shed some light into the darkness that people outside think we live in. If you have any questions or want to know more, I am always happy to answer. I promise my responses will be more informative than Google. If you have private questions that you prefer others didn't read, please feel free to use the mail option on here. BDSM changed my life in the best possible way and if I can show even one person that it isn't all about cruelty and violence I am very happy to do it.

I'm happy to help. If you have questions or want to know more, please feel free to ask. And if you would prefer not to ask in a public forum, you are also welcome to mail me here.

*is

Dang it.

Not again ╥﹏╥I pressed the wrong one,I apologize