Want To Have Fudanshi Bf

so uh I don't really feel comfortable talking about this with my friends/family especially bc I feel like they wouldn't really understand so I'm asking yalls for some advice

I've been questioning whether I'm asexual or not for a couple years now bc I feel like I've never had a huge crush before and don't feel attracted to people in general ??? and like whenever my friends and I are talking and they mention hot guys in our school they would want to date or do the dirty with and I just sit there like .________. bc I have no clue what to say.. I just see people as people and not anything sexual not just bc the lack of attraction, but sex stuff makes me so uncomfortable ((unless it's manga or fanfiction lmao))

I try to tell myself that hey, maybe I just haven't found the right person yet, but who knows...

a big reason why I started reading bl/hentai/smut/fanfiction/etc. is so that I could feel aroused in some way but I've slowly started becoming numb to it

sexuality is so confusing to me and I personally don't really like to put myself under a label when I'm not 100% confident in it, but then what does that make me? what am I supposed to say when people ask about my sexuality? the idea of being ace has been on my mind for so long but I'm scared of labeling myself especially if it turns out to be inaccurate.

there's also the fact that I have no clue how I'd come out in the first place, I definitely wouldn't mention it to my parents but I think I mentioned the idea to my sisters before. My friends as well, although I'm sure they'd be supportive how do you just casually mention your sexuality lmao

I do however like the idea of finding my "soulmate" but idk how that's going to happen when I don't feel attraction to people and don't really like the idea of sex.. although cute stuff is fine like hugging and cuddling and whatever

my thoughts are all over the place but I hope someone can kind of understand what I'm saying and give me some advice ?? thanks and I hope u all have a great day!!