I Like Crying

I'm writing this with a heavy heart because I just remembered the people who made my middle school hellish. I still feel uncomfortable and sick to my stomach when I hear their name or see them. We were just kids but I guess it can have severe effects. Not to mention me getting bullied twice by boys who were my benchmate because I cried easily. I was an only child then and was very fragile and I always wanted to cry whenever I had to go to school it was so terrible. I wasn't physically abused but threatened with words and everyday I would hear words which made me feel very inferior so I went on to become insecure . It wasnt major bullying and stuffs but those quiet bullying which had massive mental toll on me growing up. I even gave my pocket money to that bully everyday sometimes I went hungry. And I was always blamed for being timid the me right now wouldn't hesitate punching them ngl. Also had a bunch of friends who backstabbed me and called me names it was very easy to be blamed because I was timid and couldn't talk back or stand for myself. I don't want to have victim mindset and beg for pity but well I guess I'm just deeply hurt? I've moved on but today it just hit my Kokoro.