Falling Inlove

ok so i kinda have this problem where if someone shows the slightest bit of appreciation for me, my heart goes badump and all that stuff yk. i sortaaa fell in love with my childhood bestfriend before (not really but i had fantasies about her). also there was this one bitch in my class, she seemed like a "quirky tiktok uwu" girl and she was lowkey rude and annoying. she noticed my self-esteem was quite low and i was an introvert so she tried to refute all the things i said about myself and told me to love myself. it was the first time i learned what an introvert was (ik i'm dumb), i thought something was wrong with me but it was just my mum and my sister making me insecure :) anyways bam few days later i get a sexual dream about her and end up feeling incredibly guilty. i really miss her tho and i wish i got to know her better :( anyways back on topic my best friend sent me a text "oh..." after i said that i have to stay at home again and i psychoanalysed it even though there was nothing to psychoanalyse and in my mind i said " this. this, right here. i'm marrying this girl" i feel sorry for my best friend- another problem i sorta have is when i feel like people are showing me too much love i end up ghosting them because i feel like i don't deserve them but then i just further prove my point that i really don't deserve them.

I just can't handle it they are just way to cute and I'm going to find myself a baby dragon!!ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ