Having A Lover

i think my main issue is i enjoy it a lot but the thing is, i get so jealous about the relationships especially if theyre super healthy and adorable. unfortunately im really ugly and will probably never have a girlfriend who really loves me. i had a 2 year relationship with a girl i really loved and she broke up with me in august telling me she said yes when i asked her out as a joke. so everytime i get a happy ending, especially in yuri, i break down and cry because i thought our relationship meant something to her. i know i can be clingy and annoying sometimes but she really didnt have to do that to me. worst part is she sends me pictures of her and her new girlfriend sometimes, because i was put in a position where i had to laugh it off and pretend our relationship meant nothing to me as well. i dont know if i should stop reading yuri because i always cry at what couldve been, but maybe thats the exact reason i should keep reading it. to learn my lesson and think someones out there waiting for me, and she didnt deserve how much i loved her. so what do you think i should do maybe i should find another girlfriend who actually loves me and then go back to reading yuri?