Tried To Kill Yourself

I have a lot of dreams about me dying or killing myself in the most grotesque and horrific way possible. I have tried to kill myself, I slit my wrists once, tried to drown thrice, jumped off high places twice (that didn't end well) and try to choke myself thirteen times(?) But I never did die, all I was doing was just hurting myself. But that period did end... well, not until I accidentally found a group of people I look up to, They're in youtube and other sites, I find joy in listening to their songs and covers and relating to them, sometimes they're really dark and sometimes encouraging and silly, I love their videos and always get a good laugh at it, I look forward to everyday waiting for them to upload their videos, I changed a little bit throughout my days of enjoying them doing fun and silly things, I find joy in little things like food, the thank yous I get, the times when a stranger's animal I meet on the street approaches me and just lets me smother them in hugs, and games I usually wouldn't even look at before, I see more and more people like them popping up on my youtube and it's really joyful looking at their growth, now when I feel sad I just look them up and boom there's a smile on my face, I won't ever try to end my life now that I found people whom I want to see until the end of my life, if they ever quit though, it's okay because they gave me happy memories and that's all I need to live by. Honestly, this was the best accident ever to happen in my life.