I don't care anymore

You know. I'm one of thoses people who have many like dirty amd kinda disturbing kinks. One of the disturbing kinks I have is rape kink. I know that rape is bad. Believe it or not I only like it in friction. I read a manga today amd it had rape in it.. I hated the scene so much i wanted to cry but at the same time I was getting excited. I can't help it. I have been hiding this fact for a long time cause I didn't wanna get hate especially from strangers online. I get scared that if I post this online they might find my address and all other personal information but it has become a burden to me now. Some people will say its disgusting, get out or try to lecture me why rspe is so bad or it affects reality.. You don't need to say all that I know it.. I KNOW IT!! And Many people will also say that you should not share this kind of thing on the internet.. If I can't share it there then where should I? To My homophobic ass family? To My racist ass friends? Even now I feel like I'm being seen as an annoyance while writing this. Thinking if people will hate me for this or not. Wondering if I should post this or not. I wonder when did I start to care bout other people's words so much. If you're thinking why I wrote this.. Its cause I had enough you know. I can't pretend anymore. Anyways I have nothing to say now. I don't care even if you hate me. I feel so pathetic. Bye