Talking

So it’s normal to talk to fam and friends and to say hi and I love you. But what about not doing that. My family keeps bugging me and yelling at me for not talking to them and when I muster up the strength to say hi they just sigh or scoff and walk away. I don’t wanna talk to them I don’t wanna see or interact with them and I just want them to go away I wouldn’t care if my family went away. But I may regret pushing my friends away in fact I know I would but I can’t talk rn and they don’t understand. And now I’m just suffering alone cause I don’t have the want or strength to talk to anyone anymore in fact I spend almost of my time in the internet and books instead of reality and I just can’t handle reality anymore. I just wanna grow up, be a therapist, help people, then die but it’s such a long time to wait and I dunno if I can stay alive long enough to do that. Sorry for taking time outta ur days to read this and to annoy you cause there are many of you who are going through worse and I’m just being pathetic and annoying so sorry I’m a good student ig but I think I’ll fail cause quarantine is just breaking my mind and sanity and it hurts to even interact with anyone rn and all I do is listen to depressing shit and watch anime and read manga and read books. And my family and friends don’t understand me even before when I talked more they never took the chance to actually know me just who they want me to be. Sorry again I wasted ur time so I’m sorry, so sorry.