thoughts?

k so idk why but I’ve been getting this strange feeling whenever I read bl with smut and stuff and I looked it up and it basically told me that I got turned on by it and idk what to do cus i don’t want to feel this way and idk how to stop it and it’s been making me feel suicidal cus I feel horrible after reading about the way it makes irl mlm feel about things like that and I just feel so disgusted with myself. should i just stop reading it entirely or ignore it like always?