I just want to let this out

Depressing shits down there


Hi! I really just want to let this out...
I'm feel really lonely, even though there are a lots of people here in our house I still feel so lonely...I want to have friends so badly but I think that no would ever like me, that I am just a horrible person, that I would mess everything up I do anything, I cant make eye contact to people...I cant even remember the faces of my cousins now lmao and they are also staying at our for five days, we took a family picture and when I looked at the photo I feel like puking...I feel so sick, I think that I dont deserve anything...I'm just an ugly loner fuck, that thought of me having a bf or me just liking someone makes me feel so sick like "how dare I have a crush on him?? Im so fuvking ugly!" I dont know what to do anymore!! I am also failing my class....I cant do anything fuvking right! Im fucking attention whore! But not even I single peros that I know knows how I feel....I dont want to die...I keep having suicidal thoughts but I know I dont want to die...at least for now...but that shit is really tempting haha...but I want a fucking relife...I dont care if I remember the past or not I jusy want to get better Its all my faulth everything is my fault....why am I like this????? I am so sick mentally and physically- I just want to fucking cry! But I cant........lol now I kinda feel better shit why do this depressing shit happens when Im with a lot of people lmao....