always anxious

am i the only one here who doesn't let herself be optimistic? my brain is just conditioned to think about the worst case scenario bc bad things often happen to me. like when i try to think that something will go well, it wouldn't. so i just try to expect for the worst so when the worst actually happens, i wouldn't be too disappointed.

i'm actually leading a group in research now and i've been anxious for a week. i'd wake up early in the morning, think of the things i have to do, then my heart will palpitate and it would just be hard to fall asleep again.

idk i really just wanted to make myself feel better by posting this here :/