I am confused

So umーbefore I start I'll just point out that I am a female.

I think I'm in the middle of a sexual crisis right now.

Since little I always had the thought of wanting to be a boy on the back of my head. And these days that thought has been on my mind constantly.

The thought of having s*x actually scares me. And I honestly don't wanna gave birth. But both of that thought was only because I heard they're both painful (well they said s*x is only painful for the first time). I honestly wanted to have a pe**s and I'm quite envious of the people who had one ( ._.)

I'm straight. Which means I'm attracted to male. That means I wanted to be held. But I mean 'back there'.

I said I wanna be a male but that doesn't mean I'm attracted to female though. I dunno, seeing a female's naked body actually grossed me out even though I literally had the same thing on my own body.

Sorry if this is a mess. Because the inside of my head itself is already a mess.

Is there anyone who is having the same problem as me? Does this mean I'm gay? Agghhh please help meeeee (;´Д`)