Grief, Guilt, Self-Blaming

It has been 10 or so years since I wanted to end myself. I am currently 20 so you know, I nearly left this world since I was a kid.

Today is the first time in ten years that I felt so miserable, unloved, misunderstood, and blamed to the point I started questioning my existence, my life, and my future.

I started asking myself if I should just run away from this house and end myself so that I could get rid of this miserable feeling. I feel like I am making things difficult for people and shouldn't even feel sad or victimise myself. Maybe I really am a burden and making it difficult for everyone.

I hope that I calm down after seeking comfort and piling my feelings online. I dont think whatever I am going through will be understood and empathised by anyone else.