helpless and pitiful rant

this is my last resort bc idr use any other 'social media' platform I can be anonymous on. please help me if u manage to read this this all

Basically there's this dude I am heavy crushing on and it's just a silly yk teenage crush but it's still a crush and everytime I see him I actually wanna die in a good way

I like see him occasionally now on the bus and have been for the past 2 years (this is actually so pitiful) and it's taken me a good year for us to now be on a level that I have like surface level convos w him if I see him and he happens to be in a good position for me to say hi to him bc he's not even friends w me in a way I can just go up to him from afar dygm...
I fear this is because I am not the most social person so I did used to kinda j stare at him in awkwardness from behind on the bus whenever he took it and never say much more than hi but in my defence this dude kinda mumbles and I am partially deaf honestly sometimes when in convo like I heavily misheard or hear nothing. Tbh my friends r fed up of me bringing this dude up now bc i am actually so hopeless w trying to start sth w him bc I always have this idea to subtly ask him out (like the other day I thought maybe the next time I see him I can ask if he ever wants to go w me to get some free food w this sign up voucher I got bc it'd take like 20 mins from the place and back) BUT I JUST ALWAYS CHICKEN OUT. but is it weird if I ask him this when we rnt even that close... like how weird is it to j ask sm out bc i feel like if I never do this I'm never gonna be able to have a proper conversation w this guy... anyways advice on what to do bc i was supposed to go to a party but I ended giving my friend my ticket bc sth happened where it'd be better for her to go instead AND HE WAS THERE. my ass cud have talked to him tonight and try to confirm if he has the slightest interest in me or not but nope I stayed home. the point is he was in a devil costume and HELL I want the chance to ask him out. I feel like it's weird tho for me as the girl... uh he's also lowkey not a lowkey dude so ik he knows a lot of girls (his instagram following/ers def supports this knowledge) and he is known as a reasonably good looking guy DO I EVEN HAVE A CHANCE and don't get me wrong I will sound like a pick me rn BUT hear me out I am a cute good looking girl tbh but I don't wear a lot of makeup and I am like plain cute looking like I ain't nothing special and I am DEFINITELY not strong in the 'omg I want her body' category w just a slightly good fashion style.. do I even have a chance and it's like what do I do abt this I keep seeing confessions on my feed and it's making me go crazy