Snapping back to reality like damn

I realised I've been pretending my "friend" was alive for like 6 months now or so, I used his account to just cope with the fact he's gone and before I knew it I was pretending to be him to talk to myself and ah this is what they meant by "break it off." to me. Reality shattered me when I saw his grave again today physically. I broke down cause I genuinely believed he was alive but only to find out I'm literally delusional. It was just to only cope now I found out I had accidentally literally detach myself from reality. Everything else was still real wtf is wrong with me making my friends also pretend to be him for so long.

Sorry its a weird place to share this but u can ignore. Also ignore whoever is this acc for a moment lol