Bl for queer? + AAHHH! UNGHH! FWOP FWOP!

Oh boy how does one approach this topic without getting hot-headed users in.. also this is me ranting - is long so meh I doubt many of you will read it anyways but here goes

Is bl considered for us queer people? (I am gay yes) And no I don't mean "IT'S FOR USSS! KEEP YOUR FILTHY HETERO HANDS AWAYYY" no if you read it yea, cool but just bl seems so fetishized?
I see 2 men but yet it's not "gay" it's "bl/yaoi" like somehow we are segmented.

And no if you read bl be my guest, no content is blocked to your access and why should it be? Whatever may be your orientation you have the right to enjoy the works and lately bls pump out soo many good plotlines but just bl doesn't feel yk.. gay?

Yes I'm aware of the argument "it's fictional" or "it's porn get over it" but it doesn't change the fact that it's fiction over very REAL people, It porn about very REAL communities.
Am I'm not saying "give us representation!!! Keep shit realistic!!!" but at some point it became just that, fictional men, fictional community that's mostly porn and are told very real people who very much of that group to "just get it over with! We aren't sexualizing the GAYS" bc bl is not "gay"

An example: real gay families aren't really portrayed; it's mostly ABO which is my opinion but it feels like people less validate a "family" if your not pushing out flesh from one of your hole or the traditional method of "the woman and a man". Sex! even with some great stories I see sooo many non-con, dub-con - HECK! It's always a rolled out 'top and bottom' with rare switches, and somehow men are "wet" up their ass like bro did piss go the wrong way? How are you doing that? Also by experience sex isn't always "AHHH~ UNGG~ FWOP! FWOP!" nah bro that shit requires time! Like when bottoms go "wait! Stop!" Bitch it hurts! Stop! Won't be able to take shit for days!

Lol what a rant! I doubt imma get responses but it's just my 2 cent, If this does get responses PLEASE KEEP IT RESPECTFUL!