I'm sorry what do I do...I don't understand

so i'm a huge bl fan, i read yaoi mangas and i freaking love them but for some reason seeing homosexuals in reality just makes me feel homophobic....i wonder why like, the bl animations, manhwas I like the very much i squeal, or run or kick my pillow whenever there's a cute scene. But If saw something like that in rl i dont have the same feeling...Is something wrong with me(I think so)I'm not hating its just not the same feeling. I'm so concerned about myself...