a lot of BL is masked psychological thriller - a long rant

i just need to get my thoughts out somewhere. many yaois revolve around themes that echo hallmarks of psychological thrillers: surveillance, secrecy, stalking, deception, emotional entrapment, and sexual assault. however, they're reinterpreted through a romantic lens. sex is a way of exerting power, control, obedience, and subjugation of (very often) more feminine persons, all while presenting it as desirable and a source of pleasure when in fact actual good, safe sex is far from what bl usually depicts it to be. bl then often makes the audience complicit, seduced into rooting for problematic characters or relationships. lack of communication, consent, and ideas of toxic masculinity are used to further relationships and are brushed past as something attractive and loving rather than abusive and creepy. sex becomes less a mutual act of connection and more a mechanism for asserting power, obedience, and subjugation - most often toward the more feminized character. i am talking very specifically about yaoi, and not shounen ai here, by the way, when i say that romantic tension often is indistinguishable from an undeveloped and forced sexual attraction. lack of communication, skewed power imabalnces, and rigid ideas of masculinity are not only central to the development of many yaoi pairings - they are portrayed as the very conditions under which love can flourish. romance is often merely the aesthetic of stories that are, at their core, about the commodification of vulnerability. scenes of non/dubcon are very common and are often depicted as the turning point where a resistant character (USUALLY the 'bottom') 'realizes' they want it after all. they are often pivotal to the 'romance' or narrative. it teaches a young or more impressionable audience that love can begin in violence, that no can mean yes, and that consent is a hurdle to be overcome rather than a foundation to be honored. the 'bottom' is watched, stalked, worn down, and remade—and we are asked to feel satisfaction when they finally submit. this is not just problematic—it is the architecture of a thriller. violence becomes tenderness and manipulation becomes love. predation and excessive possessiveness and controlling behavior becomes protection. this IS a psychological horror and thriller. there are very few BLs that lean into this to portray these dynamics as they truly are. the problem isn't that bl can be dark, or violent or messy - queer narratives, like all ones, should be allowed the complexity. HOWEVER, the issue is when violence is romanticized without interrogation and when dominance becomes the sole framework for intimacy. to say that much of yaoi is a masked psychological thriller isnt to dismiss the genre, but to call attention to the structures and patterns that underlie it, and to ask: what are we (as WOMEN especially, being the target audience) being made to desire? who does the story want us to root for, and why?
i also understand that BL/yaoi can be a reprieve from the objectification experienced in explicitly heterosexual media, and in no way am i trying to bash on anyone who enjoys or frequents yaoi. especially since for most women, theyre socialized in environments where sexuality is either policed or hyper exposed, so through yaoi readers can explore desire without the immediate personal identification or fear of violence that may accompany hetero narratives. yaoi also prioritizes emotional intensity, longing, and interiority. it destigmatizes sexual relations. the very reason this critique matters is bc readers care deeply about the stories they consume. they're not just escapist fantasies - they're maps of longing, identity, and emotional experimentation. in talking about yaoi, i just want to ask - 'what is this doing, and why does it feel so compelling?' how can we improves narratives from objectifying and commodifying vulnerability and femininity and queerness into something more empowering and outright critical of patriarchal norms? yeah sorry this was rly long.