continuation of: "guys, can you hear me out? I need advice"

Hi everyone!! Its's me hehehe. (Also shout out to the person who messaged me that i deleted this. My mistake hehe, i mistook it as a repost of the first part so i deleted it hehe) anywayssss, I've read all your messages and i'm very thankful for all the concern. Honestly, i'm crying while writing this down because i just got scolded by mother because she was in a bad mood again hahaha. Anyways, about living on my own, i can't do it because my mother doesn't want to let go of me unless when i have my work so like i have to endure it until college. And if i do, my parents won't financially support me and my siblings don't have enough money to financially support me so it leads me to doing part time jobs but it would be hard to find a job in my country since it doesn't really prioritize students doing part time jobs (truth hurts lol) so yeah, basically im stuck in this house. Actually i tried to leave the house but it traumatized me more, here is what happend:

One time, she got mad at me because "i didn't asked permission" from her about going out with my friends to study where in fact i told her beforehand but she forgot about it and because she was in a bad mood, she got physical with me and tried to hit me with a knife but she didn't continued because i was crying for godsake and out of pure frustration i said "do you really have the guts to do that to your own daughter? What do you see me as? If you can't treat me like your own daughter, at least respect me as a person . You're my mother, for god knows you're the one who's been raising me so why are you acting like that?" wellll, maybe i should have said that because it made her made even more and she told me to leave and when i said that i would do it, she cussed the hell out of me and scold me why should i really leave? I was confused because like earlier, my mom said i should leave but when i said that i would, she scolded me why i should? Ha? After that, i just went to my room and cried myself out and no, my mother wasn't done yet. She started going to my room and thank goodness, i already locked the door beforehand so she couldn't go inside so instead, she started banging the door and screamed at me. I could really understood all of her words other than i should die or something, that i should be grateful of the life i have, that she never wished for me to be like this and so on because i covered my ears because i had a panic attack. I didn't know what to do so i just distracted myself by telling myself that it's gonna be alright while patting my own shoulder while she's shouting outside the door. After she calmed down, i immediately called my boyfriend and told him what happend and he did everything that could make me calm and said that he's with me and everything's gonna be alright. I was really grateful for him at that moment. Since then, i never tried again to tell her that i would really run away because i was so scared.

So basically i have to endure all of this until college... Hahahaha. It sucks, really...do i really have to give up of my dream in becoming a teacher? Idk but for me it can be my only hope because being a nurse, i can go to abroad and i can leave my house but i would have to sacrifice my own self into forcing myself to work on something im not passionate about. My boyfriend already knows about this and he's fine with LDR since we started out having an LDR relationship.

she also accused me of being pregnant when i was sick one time and i was coughing so hard and he approach me with a knife on her hand and said "ARE YOU PREGNANT?" i was rly scared at that moment but i calmly replied, "mom, im not pregnant." but she still messaged my bf saying she doesn't accept my bf and belittles him. Thankfully my bf just ignored it but i know he was hurt deep inside because my mother was belittling him and his family. That's why i couldn't bear to ask help from my bf's parents because she will include them out of her anger towards me

Idk guys.....i'm still thinking about giving up my career choice.... should i really give it up? Idk....i really don't know what to do...i feel powerless and i can't get help...even my friends are scared of my mother...