I need help pretty please

Ok so back in like 2024/23 I was dating this guy, both of us had never done anything sexual + we were both minors, one day which was his birthday, he wanted to do something's with me (sexual) and so I wasn’t really into it but he kept on asking and touching and so I kinda gave in, he wanted a bj and so I “tried” to but I felt really sick and bad in the middle and after, so I stopped midway and was like “no okay I think I’m lesbian” (before getting with him I only dated girls and was actually a lesbian) so then he basically begged not to break up with him, so I didn’t. Back on the way home I started laughing then crying and when I got home I showered and scrubbed my whole body aggressively and cried again, I talked to him about it, he said he was sorry and that it wouldn’t happen again, but he was still really horny whenever we met up and still wanted to do things, but I was never happy about it or was into it. We broke like 2 months later and whenever I see him I get really icky and everything. I genuinely don’t know how to stop feeling this way, or like idk what I call that “accident”? Like I’m genuinely confused and I’ve been going back and forth about what happened these past 2 years.