Am I being too sensitive ?
So basically, earlier tonight I went to this small get-together at a friend’s place. There were like six of us, some people I’m really close to from uni, and others I’m cool with but not super close-close. The girl hosting has a big apartment, so we usually hang out there.
Around 9 p.m., she suggested we go say hi to her grandma who lives on the same street. I’d never met her before, so we all went over. We’re sitting at the table, she offers us drinks, we’re joking around, everything’s normal.
At some point we start talking about hands for some random reason. I tell one guy he has “pianist hands” because they’re long and slim. Then I look at Marina’s hands and jokingly say she has “the hands of someone who’s never worked a day in their life,” just because they look really soft and pretty. It was clearly a joke.
She jokes back like, “You talk as if you’ve ever worked.” So I’m like, yeah actually, I worked in a factory this summer. Which is true.
And then out of nowhere she goes, “You look like the type to work in a cotton field.”
I’m Black. She’s white.
And I just froze. Like…what? Everyone started laughing. And then this other guy starts adding to it, asking if I was paid based on how much I picked or if it was hourly. And I’m just sitting there like…am I actually hearing this right now? I wasn’t laughing. I was just shocked. It was so casual. So easy for her to say. And the fact that everyone else just went along with it made it worse. I felt so uncomfortable and honestly kind of unsafe. I’ve been lucky enough to never experience something that blatant before, so it really hit me. I ended up leaving the room because I needed a second. I was trying to keep it together but I started tearing up. I just kept thinking, what am I even doing here?
When we left her grandma’s place, they tried to apologize, but I wasn’t ready to hear it. I grabbed my stuff, called my best friend crying, and left. I just needed someone who actually knows me and makes me feel safe.
I still don’t know how I’m going to confront them on Tuesday. Do y’all think I was being too sensitive, how should I handle the situation? I’m still in shock and am unsure of what to do. I’m just in the need of advice and reassurance right now :(
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You're not being sensitive. I'm sorry you went through that :(
I don't know what you specifically can say to them. I can't speak on experience bc I'm not black. But here are some things that I think might help you explain to them the gravity of their actions.
Your joke was based on the ordinary observation that her hands are soft. It was really tame comment. So don't let any of them convince you it was ok because you "started it".
Even if not having a job was a sensitive topic for her, that's not a excuse to clap back with racism. She could've totally just said she didn't liked it if that was the case but she even joked back so apparently she didn't care. It could've easily ended with her first response too, but she then used the opportunity to put you down which was very very mean.
She actively chose redirect attention in the topic of hands to your race. She went straight to where she KNOWS it can hurt really bad, also prompting others to do the same.
You are definitely NOT being too sensitive- thats blatant racism the hell. I agree with the confront and block.
I'm black, you're definitely not being too sensitive, and you should be reevaluating how those friends treat you, and most importantly for your relationships going forward, how they handle your feelings and criticisms of their behavior. if they can't show remorse and understanding, it'd be best to start increasing the distance between you. I'm sorry this happened to you, and hopefully you'll connect with people who won't pull something like this.
confront them about it, if they deny it immediately and try to defend themselves, give them the cold shoulder for a few days.
if after a few days, they still don't do anything or reach out, drop them as "friends" because either they're really, really dumb and lack the integrity to admit when they're wrong, or they're actually racist-either way, that's probably not someone you want to be friends with.
kill them all
this is actually the best option
Too sensitive? Youre not angry enough imo if you still think of getting together with them.
Confronting is the best option but honestly, if thats not what you wanna do or feel like rn dont.
But dont just ignore it as a one time thing euther cause sometimes jokes are never just "jokes" especially if they keep adding on it. Cause they knew what they were doing.
So dont feel bad youre not at ANY fault for being angry or offended. It's not your fault at all.
"Friends" Can't be automatically dropped and it takes time so just dont get too much in contact with them and DONT APOLOGIZE
hi love, i don’t normally check mangago topics but i saw this and this comment was definitely not okay and, yeah, it 100% came off as racist to me too. personally i find it a bit difficult to excuse their behavior considering that it’s already 2026 and you guys are in uni? i hope you have other friends you can truly trust and do not feel uncomfortable around (friends who don’t make comments like this to your face). as a fellow person of color, i am sending you love and strength to get through this situation!
You deserve better friends, they were being racist asl you was not being sensitive at all
as a fellow black, i think you should confront them AND drop them, you shouldn't ever feel unsafe around people you think are your friends.