Guys I need some advice
My apologies in advance because this is a bit long.
These past few weeks I haven’t been feeling good about my college and about myself and the people here. I reached out to my friend1 a few times times through text and calls but she did not give me a good response (no proper conversation). When I called she had other friends over so we couldn’t talk, when I texted she replied hooouuuursssss later. Texted again recently and she only replied with stickers.
Friend2 and I used to text every now and then but when college gets busy we talk rarely but we do talk. For some reason we haven’t talked properly for 2 months now. Initially I was upset with him a little because he forgot my birthday and didn’t wish me until a lot later but putting that aside I reached out first because I know his father is sick and I wanted to check on him. After that, again there was no talk between us and when I did text the conversation just died every time or left on seen.Today he replied to my story asking the name of the manhwa, I told him and then he left me on seen.
Friend3 and I used to be close during high school but she got busy with college and we did not get to spend much time together only once or twice we met up. Now I’m in a city far away from my home for college and she’s in the city for reason. We planned to meet up but she didn’t say anything when it was time and I texted to check and she cancelled last minute saying she’s busy (I know she’s genuinely busy, but she could have told me beforehand not the night before the planned day?) and when I asked why what happened, she left me on seen and it’s been 3 weeks since then and there is still no update.
Now, tell me what I should do? I don’t know if I’m over reacting or not communicating enough because I know communication is not my strong suit. And all these things are happening when I’m already having difficulty with college friends and the busy schedule and cultural difference. The people I met in college are good but not good for me, at first I felt I found good friends but the way they treated me, although unintentionally, made me distant from them.
I grew up listening to the adults in my life tell me I’m too quiet and shy and reserved and dumb and whatnot and how I’ll no survive in the world and right now at this moment when these things are happening around me, the things that has been said to me growing up are hitting me so deep that I’m doubting myself. Am I the one who is incapable of making people stay? I was there when my friends needed me but where are they when I need them? It feels like everything they said about me is true. This is frustrating me. I feel conflicted too, Do I let go? Or do I need to talk to them? But how can I talk when they don’t respond when I reach out?
I remember staying up all night when my friends needed me, even cut contact with another friend because she did my friend1 wrong. I’m genuinely having existential crisis.
I guess many would say to make new friends but I can’t really make friends that easily here, as I said the cultural difference and our humour and everything is so different that I feel out of place and disconnected.