Thoughts and Opinions?
I have a friend (28F) recently got into her first relationship after meeting a guy on a dating app. I’m genuinely happy for her, but everything happened extremely fast. Within about a month of knowing each other, they already became official. They were going on back-to-back dates almost immediately. For example, one on Friday and another on Saturday.
Personally, it felt rushed and unnatural to me, but at the end of the day, it’s her life and her decision. She would often tell us about him and how they talked constantly, day and night, almost every day. However, before they officially became a couple, I warned her to slow down and really get to know him first because I had a bad feeling about the situation. I wasn’t trying to attack her or ruin her happiness. I just wanted her to be careful and make safe decisions.
Unfortunately, after I gave that advice, she started acting distant toward me. It felt like she interpreted my concern as criticism of her or her boyfriend, even though that was never my intention.
Since getting into the relationship, it feels like she has started prioritizing her boyfriend over her friendships. It’s not just me who feels this way, the rest of our friend group has noticed it too. We’ve considered talking to her about it, but we feel like she wouldn’t be open to hearing our concerns right now and would instead see it as an “attack.”
Even though they’ve only been dating for about a month, she stayed at his place for five days straight, and now it already seems like they’re unofficially living together between both apartments. She recently got a new apartment, and his belongings are already there.
Another issue is that whenever our friend group plans a hangout, she automatically brings her boyfriend without asking anyone if we’re comfortable with it. She just assumes it’s okay, which has made some of us uncomfortable. It’s gotten to the point where some of us are wondering whether she still sees us as important friends or if her entire focus is now on her boyfriend.
I’ve also noticed a major shift in her personality and behavior since entering the relationship. Some of the things she says or does now completely contradict opinions she strongly held before dating him. Sometimes she agrees with our advice and says she understands, but then she ignores it and does whatever she wants anyway.
There was also an incident involving a farewell hangout for one of our friends who is moving away. She initially chose a Sunday for the gathering even though two people in the group already couldn’t attend Sundays. She didn’t really check whether they were okay with the date, which made those friends feel excluded and unimportant.
Later, the date changed, which stressed her out because she had already booked a room in her apartment building. Since she couldn’t rebook it, we decided to move the gathering to another friend’s house instead.
During the group discussion, most of her responses centered around concerns about her boyfriend’s schedule. Like how he would have to rearrange things or drive her back and forth. But originally, this was meant to be a friend-focused gathering, so many of us didn’t understand why her boyfriend needed to be involved at all.
At the actual hangout, she brought him along and introduced him to everyone. Maybe I’m being overly critical, but the two of them mostly stayed in their own bubble. There was a noticeable separation between them and the rest of the group.
They didn’t really engage in conversations or make much effort to connect with everyone, which made the atmosphere feel awkward.
After talking with the others, the general feeling is that she’s prioritizing her relationship over her friendships and failing to maintain balance. Most of my friends are trying to be understanding because this is her first relationship, even though they don’t agree with how she’s handling things.
Personally, I don’t think being in a first relationship excuses treating your friends poorly. It feels like years of friendship are slowly being pushed aside.
What do you guys think I should do?
And if there's any other thoughts and opinions please feel free to share, I'd like to hear all of them!
