My first experience with racism was by my mother. What should I do?
Please excuse my rambling. Whoever decides to read this, thank you very much. An extra thank you to anyone with advice.
I cut my hair yesterday.This was after YEARS of repeatedly Jerry curling my hair (relaxing it) and a year after my last Jerry curl. At some point within that year, I started to wear my hair in an afro because my boyfriend loved it a lot and it was the easiest style for me to do. My mom wasn't happy whenever she saw me with an afro, but she didn't voice her opinion all that loudly. The only time she did was for mother's day. I got her and myself a day pass for a hotel but when I said I may come with an afro, she said, "I can't be seen with you looking like that." Fast forward to yesterday. I went into the hair dresser to simply cut my spit ends. However, she cut much more than expected. She cut off all of my hair that had been Jerry curled in the past (3/4 of the total length). Leaving my with a very small, extremely black looking afro. I was a little upset, but not enough to complain. After all, this can be a new start away from carcinogenic Jerry curl chemicals. My boyfriend (who's white) said he loved it. I started feeling like a black queen. Knowing my mom would kick a fuss, I delayed calling her (I live with my boyfriend). When I called her after a nap, my brother picked up her phone. After I showed him my hair, he said "OH MY GOD!!" and quickly handed the phone to mum. She then begins to berate me in front of some woman I don't know, my VERY black toddler nephew and my brother. My mother is white presenting for context, however she's quite mixed.
"I can't fucking believe you've done this to yourself!"
"You sat there and let that lady make you look like THAT??"
"Hurry up and get your hair Jerry curled."
"Put some braids in or something. "
"I KNOW I didn't give birth to no picky head nana."
"I'm not going to Trinidad with you looking like that." (We had planned to travel next month)
The woman I didn't know joined in. She said, "come by me. I can fix it."... I didn't think it needed fixing? My hair has been this short before. The only difference is that it's my natural texture this time. I've never felt this ugly in my life. I spent yesterday afternoon and last night crying in my boyfriend's arms. He couldn't believe the things my mum said. Whenever she heard him enter the room, she switched to saying how much she's happy for me. When she heard him leave, back to berating and demanding I change. He bought me a car a few days ago so I guess she likes him now and doesn't want him to think poorly of her. My boyfriend wants to confront my mom, but she'll just call me crying and asking if she's such a horrible mother (she's done that before). If I confront her, she'll just berate me more and I'll somehow feel uglier. I don't know what to do. Ignore it? But I'm still crying the morning after. My boyfriend suggested we go out to eat somewhere fancy to cheer me up last night, but I told him I'll have to be in hiding for a while. He took me half serious when I completely was. I feel like a freak. Hideous. From that one phone call, I think I'll be wearing a hat every time I leave the house for a few months. (More context, I'm light skinned with slanted eyes. The blackest thing about me is my hair)