Fear to goon

Is it just me.. or was I the only person who ever had BADDD BADD guilt whenever I had thoughts of gooning?

When I was very young.. I struggled with my horny ass still now, but not as bad as my early teen years. Anyways, when I was like prolly 10(?), I was constantly reminded that God is always watching. Ik that they didn't mean that in a bad way, and was just teaching a kid to not lie or something, but I SWEAR that messed me up sooo bad. As like I got my period, and my hornyness came... It was so bad. Like genuinely bad bad. It wasn't as if I was thinking about anything, my ovary was always screaming. I would legit just be feeling horny in the middle of class, and I had to deal with it. Honey shocking that I was so innocent minded lmao

Anywayss, whenever I got that feeling, my stomach would drop so bad that it gave me intense anxiety. Like y'all, it felt like I was a freaking criminal. Ofc I would, uhm, yk, do my "secret business", and after that I would feel INTENSE anxiety that I would literally beggedddd for forgiveness. Literally what I always did after everything lol And idk why, but like at age 15-16.. I eventually got rid of my anxiety and realized that I am not doing a bad thing and it's just a normal thing.

Have any of u guys ever felt this?? I swear I never heard anyone say this yet TT